Page 63 of Stray for You

He’s so still. I wish he wasn’t so good at going completely blank and leaving me in agonized suspense.

“I still have things I need to work through,” he says, slow and deliberate. I can feel him choosing each word like the wrong ones might explode. “This all happened out of nowhere.”

“It’s not out of nowhere, Cam.”

He holds my gaze. “No, I guess it’s not.”

That tiny admission gives me strength. “I don’t think I can walk away from this. I don’t think I can get on a plane in a few days and go back to my life the way it was before. This is too important to me. No matter what happens in my life, you keep pulling me back. It doesn’t matter if our moms are dating or we live three thousand miles apart. Somehow, I always come back to you. I don’t know how else to live my life except with you.”

Even in the dark, I catch the way his Adam’s apple bobs.

“Julian,” he says, “you scare the shit out of me.” I nearly speak, but he hurries on. “But you’re right. No matter which direction our lives go, we always end up here. I think I’d be a fool to believe that was an accident. And … and Mom’s right. I can’t live only for the past. Part of me is trapped back there. Part of me can’t let it go. But I’ll try. If you want to. If you can be patient with me.”

I bundle him into my arms. “Cameron. Of course I can. I’ve waited my whole life for you. Do you really think I couldn’t be patient a little longer if you were mine?”

He chuckles against me, his arms slowly sliding around me. “Yours,” he says, like he’s testing the word out, seeing how it tastes.

I ease away so I can look at him. I drag a finger along hischeek, tucking dark hair behind his ear. “Mine,” I say. “If you want to be.”

He simply looks at me for a moment, then he mutters softly, as though speaking only to himself, “If fate is kind…”

Confusion bunches in my face, but then Cameron smiles.

“Yes,” he says. “Yeah. I want that. I want to try. With you, Julian.”

A rush floods my ears, and I sweep down to kiss him. We topple sideways onto the bed, and I don’t bother thinking about anything else for the rest of the night.

Chapter Thirty-One

Cameron

I FLING CLOTHING FRANTICALLY out of my closet and onto the bedroom floor. Why the hell do I own so many hoodies? It’s probably a consequence of living in Seattle, hoodie capital of the world, but that doesn’t excuse the truly excessive amount of the things piling up on my floor.

I stand back to observe my handiwork. Along with the pile of hoodies, I’ve amassed a collection of T-shirts and a couple pairs of pants that can all go to the Goodwill. Plus, I found enough socks with holes in them that I could combine the remaining socks with my underwear and free up a whole drawer in my IKEA stand. Even with all that, I haven’t cleared out all that much space. I still claim the majority of the shelf, but Julian assured me he’s not worried about it.

“We’ll buy a second one,” he said on the phone a couple days ago.

“I don’t think they make them anymore,” I said.

“What? Why not? Everyone loves those things.”

“I don’t know. Contact IKEA management, I guess. I’m just saying—”

“It’s going to be fine, Cam. Relax. It’s just some clothes.”

I can hear that soothing tone even now. It’s the tone he’s been using with me for weeks. While I’ve run around anxiously preparing, he’s seemed nothing but calm and cool about the prospect of moving himself across the country. He didn’t batan eye at any of it — the distance, the downsizing from his apartment in Manhattan, the prospect of finding a new job out here. None of it fazed him. He kept saying that it’ll be worth it when he gets to be with me.

My heart does a weird flippy thing every time those words echo in my head in his voice. He’s uprooting his whole life for me, and I’d be lying if I said that didn’t freak me out. What if it isn’t worth it? What if something happens? What if it all falls apart the moment we’re crammed into my little apartment together?

I look around the bedroom. Julian already has some things he keeps here. In the months since his first visit out here, he’s come back a couple times, always bringing whatever he could. We went out and got a bookshelf for the bedroom, and his favorite mystery novels sit neatly on the shelves. We also got a second nightstand for the other side of the bed, and the bathroom connected to my room is full of his toiletries. The guy has an insane personal hygiene and skincare routine that he’s threatening to impose on me.

A knock sounds at the door. I yelp, but thankfully no one is here to hear me. Well, almost no one.

Tux butts his head against my ankles. I scoop up the little guy, hugging him to my chest for comfort as I head toward the door. He was Julian’s idea too. As soon as he heard about how the cat follows me around the café and won’t tolerate anyone else, he insisted that we adopt him.

“You’re his person, Cam!” he said, and part of me suspected he wasn’t only talking about the cat.

Either way, my apartment has rapidly gone from a solitary abode to a packed home where I’m going to live with my cat and my … my boyfriend. Julian Brooks, my boyfriend.

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