Page 20 of Stray for You

I drag myself through a shower, but the hot water doesn’t help as much as I wish it would. I can’t wear last night’s suit for the rest of the trip, but fortunately I brought plenty with me and today is allegedly casual. Even the slacks and button-down I choose are part of the performance, however. This isn’t truly casual, and I’m not dressed like it is. It’s simply casualenoughfor plausible deniability.

Normally, this would be where I thrive. These blurry, in between spaces are where I’ve made my biggest deals, and Garret knows it. It’s why he sends me to stuff like this. But today I pace my room like a man waiting for the gallows, restless and anxious. Even when I go downstairs, the unofficial conference doesn’t feel like my home turf the way it should. The smiles are strained, the laughter forced, the handshakes awkward. It’s allso different from interacting with Cameron. He’s never anyone but himself. He couldn’t fake a smile with a gun to his head, which makes the ones he shares all the more precious. Like that smile he tried to hide this morning in bed. That was real, I know it was real, because Cameron doesn’t fake a single thing about himself.

Someone elbows me. I blink, and find myself sitting around a table in a restaurant. The lunch thing. Of course. I went through my day in such a daze that I don’t even really remember getting here. I must have made all the appropriate noises, however, because I’m sitting here with the people I should be eating lunch with and they’re all laughing and drinking like they’re supposed to.

I have a mimosa before me, and I sip from it to hide how far away my thoughts strayed from this table.

“I was just saying that Julian had some really interesting proposals he shared earlier in the week,” a woman, I think her name is Jessica, says.

She smiles at me from across the table, her painted nails clicking against her glass. She’s stunning, with chestnut hair that spills in artful curls past her shoulders and onto a chest with just the right amount of cleavage exposed. She would never wear something inappropriate, but she clearly took advantage of the “casual” day to design a look that’s every bit as calculated as my smiles and hair and slightly unbuttoned shirt. She’s an expert at this dance, as I am, and we both know how much even a single button can count.

Which means she expects me to play along.

I smile. At least I’m still good at that, even with my mind elsewhere. “Well, this is early days yet,” I say, “but there are definitely partnership opportunities on the horizon.”

I watch the smiles around me shifting, watch the eyes around me gleam with greed. This is what Garret sent me here to do. Hewants a partner for the company, a big tech partner who can take our pharmaceuticals and rebrand them. They’ll get fresh life in the market, allowing the company to double down on profits.

I should go in for the kill. The others at the table lean toward me. Only Jessica sits back, but the satisfied smile on her red lips tells me everything I need to know. All I have to do is nudge, and I’ll get what Garret and the company wants before the conference is even over.

“I know this bar downtown,” a guy next to me says. “Have you ever been, Julian?”

“No, this is my first time in the city, actually.”

“Fantastic.” He slaps me on the shoulder. “I could show you around tonight.”

“And miss the outing?” Jessica speaks up. “I thought everyone was going out tonight since we don’t need to be up tomorrow. Julian, you can’t possibly miss it.”

And there it is, an offer within an offer. She lobbed this softball win to me, and she wants something in return. She wantsmein return. Maybe she’s actually attracted to me; maybe I can do something for her bosses. Either way, the result will be the same, and normally I’d be enjoying that result as soon as this lunch ended, as well as later tonight.

Strangely, today I struggle not to grimace. Everything I should want is dropping into my lap, yet I yearn to tell them all no. No. Get away. Stop smiling at me. Stop expecting things from me. Stop assuming you’ll be in my bed tonight. It should feel like a golden opportunity, but instead I could swear I’m being circled by sharks. They all want a piece of me, and I can’t swim fast enough to escape.

The truth is, I’m not thinking about any of these people. I’m not thinking about the conference, about deals, about potential tech partnerships.

From the moment I woke up today, I’ve thought of nothingbut Cameron.

Chapter Eleven

Cameron

Six years ago…

“HEY, MOM!”

I resist laying Julian flat out on the floor as he skips into me and Mom’s apartment and greets her with a hug. His mother is only a step behind him. As our mothers embrace, I carefully look away, but that leaves me with a perfect view of the shit-eating grin on Julian’s face.

“Dearest brother, why so glum? It’s family dinner night.”

He slings his arm around my shoulders, but I immediately push him off. This “family dinner” thing was our moms’ idea, which is the only reason I’m not committing violence, but I’m far from sold on this. I don’t need Julian as part of my family. I have a family: My mother. That’s all the family I need. This interloper doesn’t belong in our apartment or our lives. Things are hard enough withouthimbeing here.

We gather around the table and do our best to have a normal meal, but how can eating dinner with Julian possibly feel normal?

Mom doesn’t seem to notice that I’m pushing my food around my plate and letting the conversation wash over me. Call it sulking if you must, but I’m not throwing my knife at Julian sitting across from me, so I consider it a feat of self-control.

He’s not even doing anything at the moment. His merepresence annoys me, as it has since we were in high school and I became the target of all his “jokes.” But I will do this for Mom. I’ll do this because she’s holding Miss Brooks’ hand and smiling and looking happier than I’ve seen her in years.

Julian leaps up at the end of the meal to clear off the table. He even does the dishes, and Mom shoots me a little smile. She knows I don’t exactly get along with him, but I do my best to smile back before retreating to my room. It’s the only safe place away from Julian in this apartment, and I don’t want to ruin this night for Mom by being pissed off.

Naturally, Julian eventually follows me.

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