Page 71 of Allison

“Thanks, I love you, too, bye.” The phone beeps indicating the end of the call. Allison’s shoulders slump. She hadn’t realized how rigidly she’d been standing until this moment. She heads over to sit on the toilet, suddenly so fatigued. Despite sleeping well during her short nap, she’s still exhausted.

A knock on the door has her tensing up again. Her eyes roll upward without conscious thought.Can’t he leave her alone for five damn minutes?He doesn’t want or need to be bothered by her, so why is he constantly up in her business? “Allison?”

She cringes at the sound of his voice. At the hesitancy she hears in it. More hurt rolls through her. He didn’t call her sugar.Ugh! What is wrong with her?She is not one of those women. The ones who want a pet name, to be doted on, and made to feel special. She’s always been independent, not expecting anyone to validate or take care of her.

At least she hasn’t been before. Russell has made her a weak, blubbering mess. She realizes feeling another tear drop off her chin and onto her lap. Russell doesn’t want her and he isn’t good for her. She tries to convince herself. The sooner she accepts this the better off she’ll be. Pain shoots through her at the thought, but she’ll just have to learn to deal with the pain.

“Allison?” Russell calls again, louder this time. “Come out, please. We need to talk.” Allison doesn’t want to talk. She doesn’t want to have to remember not only what he’d said, but the tone of his voice.

She’d known he hadn’t been looking for anything more than a good time that weekend, but she’d felt a connection to him, something more than just the sex. She’d thought he’d felt it, too, but obviously it wasn’t enough for him to want her. He had other responsibilities. She wasn’t worth the effort he’d have to exert to be with her. He didn’t have time for her. Her eyes sting even more. Her eyes drift closed as she tries to calm herself and wrangle her emotions under control. She can’t let him see her like this.

When Allison opens her eyes, she stares at herself in the mirror. She looks tired, washed out, and uncertain. She needs to get herself together, to be strong, to pretend like he hasn’t shattered her heart. She can’t go out and face him with a tear-stained face. He’ll see right through her.

Allison wets a wash cloth at the sink. She wipes the tears from her face, straightens her spine, and puts on her poker face. She is going to march out there, confident and in charge. She’ll show him, his harsh words had no effect on her, that what they’d shared meant nothing to her.Yeah! That’s so true…not!

Allison opens the bathroom door to a concerned looking Russell. Damn him for looking so good in any situation. His brows are crinkled and his lips pressed into a hard line. Worry lines are prominent from the grim set of his features. He opens his mouth to speak, but Allison throws a hand up in his face, halting whatever he’d planned to say.

“I don’t want to talk, Russell,” Allison begins. Thankfully her voice doesn’t break. “We don’t need to say anything. Emma will be here in a few minutes. I’m getting my things and I’m going to stay with her and Curtis.”

Allison pushes past him, heading into his bedroom to gather her things. She moves quickly to pack up the few things she’d used since her arrival. She doesn’t want to admit, she is a little disappointed Russell didn’t follow her and demand they talk.

The doorbell ringing signals Emma’s arrival. Allison grabs her bags and hauls them toward the door. Russell meets her in the hallway. He doesn’t speak, but takes her bags from her and carries them out of his apartment to Curtis’s waiting vehicle.

Emma rushes to swallow Allison in a fierce hug the moment she enters the door. “Please reconsider, Ali.” Emma whispers so only she can hear her. “That man is falling for you, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. I know it’s true.”

Allison shakes her head. “This is for the best, Em.” Allison sighs. “We could never work out long term. I’ve made a good life for myself. I’m not going to give it all up to follow a man around. Can we just go?” Emma gives her a hard look. Her mouth is set in a frown, but she gives Allison a short nod, wrapping her arm around Allison’s shoulder. Emma leads her out to their waiting vehicle.

Allison can’t help noticing, Russell and Curtis are huddled close together in an intense conversation. She looks away. She doesn’t have anything else to say to Russell. He was a dream, a fantasy she should never have entertained, much less allowed herself to get so drawn into. She slides into the backseat. As she’s reaching for the handle on the door, movement in her peripheral catches her attention. Russell is headed toward her, undoubtedly in an attempt to smooth things over to appease Curtis’s wrath, but there’s nothing to say. He’s already said it all. She grabs the handle and pulls the door closed with a firm, resounding bang.

Russell’s shadow falls over her through the window, but she refuses to acknowledge him. She keeps facing forward; her spine straight, her face blank and dry, despite the stinging sensation behind her eyes. She refuses to allow one tear to fall, not in front of him at least.

Curtis and Emma get in the front, closing their doors much more gently than Allison had. Neither of them speaks as Curtis pulls out onto the street. Allison refuses to look back, but she could swear she can feel Russell’s intense gaze watching her until Curtis makes a left turn at the end of the street.

Allison slumps in the seat. Her firm resolve collapsing like her feet have just been kicked out from under her. She brings her hands to her face, to block out the bright sunlight that is much too cheerful when her heart is shattering into a million pieces. It can never be put back together. The moment she touches her face, her hands are wet. She hadn’t even realized she’d started crying.

Three weeks later…

Allison wakes with a start. Her bladder is about to bust. She leaps from the bed, heading for the bathroom across the hall, at a fast clip. She glances down the hall toward her cousin’s bedroom, hoping to not wake up Emma and Curtis, like she has most nights since arriving here.

Every night she’s woken up screaming with nightmares. No matter how tired she is when she goes to bed, she can’t sleep through the night. She’s either waking from a dream about Bruno attacking her or she has a full bladder. It seems like she has to pee every thirty minutes lately.What is up with that?

She glances down at her watch to see that it’s only ten minutes past midnight. She’d gone to the bathroom just before she’d laid down to sleep at eleven pm. Maybe she’s getting a UTI? It’s been a while since she’s had one as she has cut back on her tub baths, not having sex, and cut back on sodas. Still, she’d been with Russell several times not that long ago.

Allison rolls her eyes, as she finishes up with the toilet, moving to the sink to wash her hands. Of course he’d leave another reminder behind of their time together; it wasn’t enough that she can’t stop thinking about him or dreaming about him, remembering how good it felt when he’d been inside her.

Even worse, Russell has come by to visit Curtis several times since she walked out of his apartment. She’s mostly been able to avoid him, but she can smell his scent long after he is gone whenever she has walked into the room he has been in while visiting.

Allison had spent most the first couple of weeks in the bed, crying and sleeping. Emma had tried to coax her out, but Allison had resisted. Her heart had been broken, still is, and she’d wanted to wallow in her sorrow. Eventually, she’d managed to drag herself out of bed on day twelve, determined to pull her big girl panties up and get on with life.

She’d reasoned she’d wasted enough time on Russell. She needed to focus on herself and those kids who were suffering at the hands of monsters, despite the threats from the masked-man. She’d begun to dig into the missing kids again, while using fake accounts, hoping to hide her identity.

Allison hasn’t been able to avoid Russell altogether, despite her best efforts. A couple days ago, she’d been out in the back yard getting some much-needed sunshine, fresh air, and exercise cleaning out Emma’s flower beds. Emma has been grateful due to her busy schedule as a nurse and volunteering at the free clinic she’s been neglecting the yard work.

The day had gotten very warm and Allison had worked up quite a sweat. She headed inside, because she wanted to get a glass of sweet tea, something she hadn’t really liked before, despite being raised in the south, but she’s been craving it the last few days. Entering the cool house Allison had moaned at the relief she’d felt. Emma had been working at the free clinic that day and Curtis had gone to work as well.

Allison had headed into the kitchen. She’d had to go up on her tiptoes to reach the cabinet that held the glasses. She’d just managed to tip a glass toward her when a warm, hard body had pressed up against her from behind. “Ahh!” she shrieked in fright.

The man had caught the glass for her with his right hand. His left arm had snaked around her waist to steady her and prevent her from falling on her ass. His familiar scent had overwhelmed her, causing her brain to short circuit. Instinctively she had relaxed into Russell’s hold, all the tension she’d been holding in her body for weeks, had left her in that moment.

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