Page 74 of Allison

“Yes, we definitely need to do a complete physical and gynecological exam.” Allison groans. This is one of the many reasons she doesn’t like seeing a healthcare provider. You have to get naked and then they poke and prod you. The instruments are always so cold and uncomfortable.

Thirty minutes later, her exam is over and all the samples have been collected. Charlotte had asked Emma to wait in the lobby during Allison’s exam. Allison sits up, tucking her paper gown around her as best she can, attempting to hide her nakedness. Even though she doesn’t know why she’s worried about it. After the pelvic exam, Charlotte has seen her most intimate of places. Charlotte removes her gloves moving to the sink to wash her hands. She’d been so kind and gentle with Allison during her exam. The water at the sink shuts off and Charlotte turns to face her.

“Allison, is the date you gave for your last menstrual cycle correct?” Allison frowns, but nods. She is certain because she’d been worried it would be ‘that time’ at Emma’s wedding, but it had come two weeks prior. “You realize you’re late?”

Allison looks down at the floor, nodding. It’s been in the back of her mind for days, but she hasn’t wanted to think about it. Before Charlotte can say it, Allison knows what Charlotte is going to say. “I’ve ordered lab confirmation, but from your history and physical exam, I believe your symptoms are related to pregnancy.”

Allison goes still, not breathing for several seconds only to begin to hyperventilate. It can’t be true! Even as she thinks it, she knows Charlotte is correct. Allison’s hands begin to shake and tingle, her vision dims. “Put your head down between your knees, honey,” Charlotte’s voice comes to her from far away, like she’s at the far end of a tunnel. Charlotte presses her hand between Allison’s shoulder blades forcing her head down. Then she hands Allison a brown paper bag and instructs her to breathe into it, all the while coaxing her to slow her breathing.

It takes her a couple of minutes to get herself under control. Her face is wet with tears and snot is dripping from her nose. Charlotte hands her some tissues. “Feeling better?” Allison slowly sits up, nodding while wiping her face clean. There’s a knock on the door of the exam room. Charlotte moves to the door and speaks quietly with a nurse for a few minutes. Then she comes back to Allison’s side.

“The test is positive. I take it this was…unexpected?” Allison nods, unwilling to attempt speaking just yet.

“Do you know who the father is?” Allison is again nodding, not feeling any judgement from Charlotte by her questioning. “Will he be supportive?” Allison can feel the blood leaving her face just thinking about telling Russell.

“Please, you can’t tell anyone, especially Emma!” Allison exclaims. “Promise me you won’t tell her.” Allison can feel her panic rising again.

Charlotte lays a comforting hand on her shoulder. “You have nothing to worry about,” Charlotte assures her. “HIPPA laws prevent me from speaking about you, your diagnosis, or your test results with anyone other than you without your permission. I won’t violate that.”

“Thank you,” Allison lets out a shuddering breath, sagging in relief. “I know you won’t. I just panicked for a second. My parents will be mortified. Having a child out of wedlock is horrendous in their eyes.”

“I’m sorry, honey. I know it isn’t ideal, but your parents should be happy to have another life join your family. Now, not to pry, but you’re Emma’s cousin and Emma is family so that makesyoufamily,” Charlotte continues. “Will you have support from the father?” Allison’s eyes fill with tears again.

“I know if I tell him, yes, he will be supportive, at least, he’ll want to do the ‘right’ thing,” —Allison makes air quotes— “but this isn’t something either of us were expecting.” Allison puts her head in her hands as she tries to compose herself.

“It was an accident. I’m not on birth control because of side effects from the hormones. We used a condom, but it broke.” Emma confesses. “I’d planned to get a morning after pill, but when I got to San Diego I was taken and held for three days. When I got free that was the last thing on my mind and I was well past the 48-hour window to take it, anyway.” Charlotte rubs her back in small comforting circles.

“Russell is the father?” Allison’s head shoots up fast, causing her to feel dizzy all over again. “I shouldn’t pry, but I couldn’t help but notice how close the two of you seemed to be getting at the wedding.” Allison nods, because she knows it’s true. They hadn’t really tried to hide their attraction for one another. “He will be a good father and a partner for you.”

“No, you don’t understand. I can’t tell him,” Allison states firmly. “He has so much on him already. He has his job here, and he looks after his mom and his sisters. I just can’t tell him. Please, don’t judge me for not telling him,” Allison is again pleading. “I know without a doubt he’d do the right thing. He’d want us to get married and raise the baby together, but not because he loves me or this baby. I don’t want him to be with me out of obligation. He has enough of that with his mom and his sisters.”

“You love him.” Charlotte gives her a sympathetic look. “Yet, you’re afraid to tell him and find out if he loves you in return.” More tears pour down Allison’s face as she nods her agreement. “You’ll never know if you don’t try.”

“I know, but I can’t. I won’t!” Allison declares, finality in her tone. “I won’t make him feel trapped. It would be a miserable life for both of us and this child. I care too much for him to put him through that. His job is here and I live in San Diego. Literally, we are on opposite sides of the country! Oh my God! What am I going to do?” She’s sobbing again. Her heart is in tatters all over again.

“Shh honey, everything will be okay,” Charlotte coos, rubbing her back softly. “Look, you don’t have to decide anything right this minute. Give yourself some time to digest this and think about what you want. There are options we can discuss when you’re ready.”

Allison’s head jerks up to look at Charlotte. “I’m not having an abortion!” Allison declares vehemently. “I might not have planned to have a baby, but I will take responsibility for it. Not only that, but my parents would be devastated if I did that. They are deeply religious and don’t believe women should even have the option.” Allison shudders thinking about how hurt and upset they are going to be with her for getting pregnant out of marriage, but more than that, she can’t imagine ending her baby’s life before it has a chance to begin. She’d never make anyone feel badly for making that choice, but for her…it isn’t something she could live with.

“There are other options, Allison,” Charlotte replies calmly. “Adoption is a good choice if you don’t feel you can care for the child and you don’t want to have an abortion, but you would need to tell Russell. It’s his child, too. I’m not going to tell you what to do, but if you want to give the baby up, then you should tell him. If you decide to keep the baby, you should still tell him, but either way, we are all here to help you. You aren’t alone, Allison.”

Allison lays a protective hand over her lower abdomen where the child she and Russell have created is growing. She hadn’t planned on becoming a mother, but even without thinking about it, she can’t imagine giving her child away. She will get through this.They, her and the baby, will get through this. She isn’t alone. Emma would never judge her and will without a doubt be there for her. She vows, sitting there in her paper gown, to love and protect her child with everything she has. She’ll be the best damn mother a child could ever ask for, so help her!

“Thank you, Charlotte, for seeing me. I’m going to take a few days to think everything over and decide what I need to do. I know it will be hard for you to not say anything about what you know. I appreciate your dedication to your patients.”

“You’re welcome, honey. And I meant what I said, we areallhere for you. If you need anything at all, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. The women in our circle will rally around you.” Charlotte pulls a business card with her name and office number on it from the pocket of her lab coat. She flips it over and writes another number on it before handing it to Allison. “This is my cell number. Call or text me anytime you have questions or concerns.”

“Thank you!” Allison throws her arms around Charlotte giving her a fierce hug. “I’ll stay in touch.”

“Please, do. I’ll step out and let you get dressed.” Charlotte leaves the room. Allison hurries to get her clothes on. A few minutes later she exits the exam room and finds Emmain the lobby, who stands immediately, hurrying to her side.

“Are you all right?” Emma asks worriedly. She gives Allison a scrutinizing look. “Ali! You’ve been crying. Please, tell me what’s wrong?” Allison shakes her head.

“We’ll talk about it later. I’m still taking in what she told me,” Allison replies, trying not to sound harsh. “I promise I’m not dying. We will talk when I’ve had some time alone to think, okay?” Emma nods, not pushing Allison for more, which makes Allison love her all the more. Emma is the best cousin closer than a sister, ever.

Three days later…

“Emma?” Allison calls out when she hears the front door open and close. “Are you home?” Emma had left for work early this morning, but she usually works 12-hour shifts. She shouldn’t be home for another couple of hours.

---