Page 13 of And They Had a Great Fall

“Oh, so you’re admitting that your mindwasin the gutterlast night?” he teased. As much as he appreciated her ideas and thoughts, he enjoyed teasing her even more.

She rolled her eyes, “You are ridiculous.” She paused. “Stop deflecting, I’m serious. Stay off the weed too, for just a little while.”

Everything else made sense, but not that request. He put his hands up and started to protest when Kat quickly interrupted him. “Please. Just try. You can’t be present and physically aware if you’re clouded and running from yourself.” She spoke as if she could see right into his brain.

Running from yourselfplayed over in his mind for a minute. He was unsettled at how well she could read him and was aware that he was running from something. Not just something. Himself.

Before he could answer, he was approached by a nervous fan. He glanced at his watch. It’d only taken ten and a half minutes for him to be spotted. He obliged with a selfie and made the obligatory chitchat with a stranger. As usual, once a fan spotted him, a group gathered, each person wanting to immortalize the meeting. He still found it curious that people really cared who he was, much less went out of their way to get a picture with him. He heard over and over from fellow actors that he would one day resent the interruption and he hoped that would never be true. As they grouped around him with excited chatter, he lost sight of Kat.

Kat stepped aside and watched Jake with his fans from afar. She admired his ability to give every one of them their moment. His patience was unwavering, and he took his time to make sure they were happy.That’s why his fans love him so much, she thought. He was very real and accessible, letting them each have a piece of him.Does he give too much away to other people, she wondered, and she felt anxious as she thought about what that would mean as his career accelerated.

It was clear Jake would be a while, so she stepped away and strolled through part of Tivoli by herself. Even though it had been nearly seven years, being back in Copenhagen and now seeing Tivoli again made her melancholy. She felt a heaviness in her entire being and she found herself taking deep breaths to calm her mind. In her everyday life, she was good at keeping thoughts of Ben out of her mind. It was easier to compartmentalize him to the past. A bad dream. But here? He was everywhere. They’d only spent two days here, enough time to do the key tourist sites and for Kat to take a picture at the entrance of the building where PathMobile was founded.

Tivoli was one of the places both Kat and Ben had loved the most. It’d been early summer, and the grounds had been a mosaic of beautifully colored petals. Today, with the fall leaves floating gently down the man-made canal that ran through the grounds, it was a more subdued landscape. Kat stood by the two-person dragon boats as they floated through the leaves. Watching the boats, she could almost see Ben sitting across from her as they weaved their way through the waterway—two lovers talking about the seemingly infinite ideas for their future.

The naivete of those young newlyweds was a gut punch. All the plans they made that day, giddy with anticipation for the future—neither of them knew the cancer had already taken hold of Ben’s body. They believed they had unlimited time to build their life together, but less than two years later, he was gone. She let a tear fall as she indulged in her disappointment. She would only allow this brief interlude, for fear she might never find her way out of the black hole of sadness, which always felt just beneath the surface. She never allowed herself more than a moment to step into her grief, lest it take full control. She didn’t have time for grief, and Kat deemed it a useless emotion. After wiping her eyes and taking a few breaths, she turned back toward the entrance where she’d left Jake.

By the time she walked over, only a few moms were left, telling Jake how much their daughters loved him. Kat walked over and handed him a box of popcorn and a bottle of water. She had purchased her own as well.

“Yes!” he exclaimed. “I’m starving.” He opened the box and shoved a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

One of the moms blurted, “See, he does eat!” Jake gave her a questioning look, so she loudly declared, “You’re just so skinny in person. Tiny body, big head. Like a lollipop!” She reached over and pinched his hip. Kat couldn’t believe she touched him, and she opened her mouth to protest. He didn’t say anything but took a sidestep out of the woman’s reach and flashed her his signature smile. With a mouthful, he mumbled, “Lucky genetics.” They laughed, took one more group photo and walked away.

“That was rude,” Kat said. “People just say or do anything to you, don’t they?”

Jake shrugged. “I guess I’m used to it,” he said, looking around the grounds. “Ready? I want to get on some rides.”

“Yes!” she said. “I want to hit the Demon, the Star Flyer, Vertigo and, if we can, Ilovebumper cars.”

Tivoli was truly a historic treasure, dating back to the 1800s. It was an amusement park with beautiful gardens and shimmering ponds. She had never experienced a place like it anywhere else in the world.

“It’s beautiful here,” he mused, taking it all in. “I’m in your hands.” He tilted his popcorn toward her. She held up her own box.

“Rule number four: no sharing food. Puts us too close. Easy photo op,” she said. She would create as many rules as it took to keep her off social media, horrified at the idea of one of Jake’s stans lamenting about a new woman in his life. She’d seen it happen with every girl he’d had dinner with, dated, or dared to drunkenly kiss at a party. They were ruthless toward every woman who came near “their darling Jake.”

It disturbed her to think about how attached complete strangers were to even the tiniest aspect of his life. Becca came to mind and worry seeped into her mind. At a minimum, she pictured complete strangers coming up to Becca on the streets to say hi, as if they knew her. That on its own was dangerous. When her brain went to worst-case scenarios, her heart raced.

Jake’s voice brought her out of her hypotheticals. “Rule number five,” he said, “rule number four only applies to food that comes from vintage amusement parks.” He smirked at her.

“You laugh, but you’ll be happy that I think about these things. I’m so hungry. I was going to bring you arød pølse. They’re the best here. I can already see the memes of you eating a giant, red hot dog,” she said, gesturing toward a stand displaying foot-long hot dogs—a Copenhagen staple, they were delicious and, indeed, dyed a bright red.

Jake threw his head back, laughed, and took a step behind her. “Lead the way.” He touched the small of her back as they navigated through a narrow sidewalk. She stiffened and glanced over at him. “I know, I know,” he said. “Rule number one: no touching. Sorry. It’s tough not to touch you,” he said with a wink. She shook her head and gave him an exaggerated glare. “Hey, Kat. You’re the one who decided our first public outing should be an amusement park.”

“Well. It’s the end of the season, and they’re closing in just a few hours, so I figured this would be the best time to go,” she reasoned. “But you’re right, I’m really testing my rules with this decision. I just wanted you to have fun. I feel like an idiot.” She said, heat creeping up her neck. He was right—she’d thrown them right into the thick of things. Navigating the public with him was new for her and even though she wanted to control it with her rules, she didn’t really understand how he navigated such a public life.

Jake pulled out his phone and was preoccupied for a minute, so Kat looked up a map of the park to navigate them to the rides.They walked in silence and at a slight distance. Her text message alert buzzed in her back pocket, and she pulled out her phone.

J: Hi. I have something to tell you, but I’m trying to do what you asked.

J: So I thought you would appreciate it if I texted you instead of what I want to do.

J: I want to whisper it in your ear.

J: I’m happy you brought me here.

J: I’m even happier to be here with you.

Kat didn’t know how to react. She admired Jake’s ability to just blurt out what he was thinking. She felt like he was almost compelled to do it, as if keeping it in would make him explode. His earnestness and honesty were so much a part of him and were so in contrast to her instinct to gain control by holding back. The sweetness of the moment disarmed her. She couldn’t make herself look at him and instead just stared at her phone.

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