Page 55 of And They Had a Great Fall

The city was quiet in the early morning, and he was thankful he didn’t have a talkative driver. He gazed out the window as they crossed the Triborough Bridge and was treated to a sparkling view of the New York City skyline. He loved this city, with its combination of beauty and grit. He believed he was most at home on a movie set, but as he felt himself exhale, he realized this city also gave him life, a refuge for his soul.

Once the car pulled up to the apartment building, instead of going in, Jake jogged to the end of the block to a merchant on the corner. He picked up a bouquet filled with beautiful fall colors he knew she would love. He stalled at the street corner to breath a few deep breaths. He needed a minute before surprising her. He couldn’t predict how she would react when she saw him standing at her door.

He finally entered, nodded at the doorman and slipped into the elevator. The ride to the twelfth floor felt atypically long, but eventually the door creaked open, and he stepped off. He walked the long hallway to apartment 12F and knocked on the door. He could hear laughing and commotion inside as the door burst open. The shocked smile on his mother’s face was worth all the planning and the eight-hour flight back home.

“Jake!” she exclaimed. “I can’t believe you’re standing here! Get in here!” And with that, she pulled him into the apartment.

“Happy Thanksgiving, Mom,” he said, kissing her on the cheek and handing her the flowers.

The apartment was still and quiet as Jake dried the last of the dishes. He and his mom fell into a comfortable silence as they worked side by side. Jake sank into the quiet after a day filled with boisterous family members, many of whom he hadn’t seen for years. The fun and excitement of reconnecting, along with the overnight flight, had left him happy, but exhausted.

Jake set the last pot on the counter and flipped the towel over his shoulder. Instead of grabbing the pot to put it away, his mom touched his arm. He turned toward her, and she pulled him into a hug. It had been a long time since he’d been in the cocoon of her embrace. He lingered, resting his head on her shoulder. She ran her fingers through his hair, reminding him of the countless times he had come to her for comfort as a child. His mind cleared, and his shoulders lowered. He didn’t pull away like he usually did, a man eager to be an adult. Instead, he allowed himself a minute of shelter and comfort.

“It’s good to have you home, sweetheart,” she whispered in his ear.

“I missed you, Mom. And I’m sorry … for everything,” he whispered back. He felt her squeeze him tighter.

She was the first to pull away. She slid the towel off his shoulder and put it on the counter. “You look exhausted. Get some rest,” she said.

He nodded, thankful for the understanding. Although they had a lot to discuss, what he needed at this moment was sleep. He walked down the hallway to his room, still a teenager’s den, relatively untouched from when he first left. He lay down and fell into a dreamless sleep.

Jake’s eyes opened and for a moment he didn’t know what hotel he was in. His eyes landed the worn poster ofThe Godfather, held on his wall by yellowed tape, and he grinned. He stretched his arms until his shoulder popped and slipped on his glasses. The time on his phone said it was almost noon, and his eyes widened with surprise.No wonder I feel rested, he thought. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d gotten fourteen hours of uninterrupted sleep.

He wandered into the kitchen to find his parents eating lunch. He looked over his dad’s shoulder. “Tryaudio” he said pointing at the Wordle on his dad’s iPad. His dad typed in the five letters and gave Jake a high five when audio was the daily answer. His mom put down the newspaper sale flyer she was reading and gave him a wink. Glancing at his phone, he was reminded it was Black Friday, and he was comforted by the sheer normalcy of the moment.

“Good afternoon, sleepyhead,” his mom said, tossing his dad one of the flyers.

He smiled at her, opened the cabinet, and pulled out a glass. He filled it with water and sat down. “Hey, let me see,” he said, grabbing a handful of papers. Flipping through the pages he looked at what his mom had circled. He made a mental note that she wanted a treadmill.

“What’s your plan today?” his mom asked, handing him the remaining stack of papers.

“I have a meeting with Roger at 4:30 this afternoon. Besides that, I thought I would just hang with you today,” he said. “So, I should ask you, what arewedoing today?” He put his chin in his hand and flashed her a smile.

He watched a grin spread across her face. “You don’t have to do that, Jake. I was going to brave Macy’s, but I won’t make you come.”

He appreciated her foresight, but he just wanted to be a person that could accompany his mom to a store. Like before. It used to be a special kind of drudgery to go shopping with his mother, but right now, it was all he wanted to do.

“Mom, if that’s what you want to do, I’m game,” he said. He loved seeing how her entire face lit up—happy because her only son was spending a few hours with her. He felt a twinge of guilt he’d denied her this for years, all in the quest to show the world he needed no one.

His mom stood up to make him some lunch, and he waved her off and jumped up to take a shower.

The weather had turned cold, making it easier to disguise himself in bulky clothes, a stocking cap, and sunglasses. They started walking the fourteen blocks to Macy’s on 34th. It was a long walk, but he loved being out on the city streets. He felt the energy of the people, the traffic, the noise—all of it. As they walked along, his mom made some uncharacteristic small talk.

“I am so happy you came,” his mom said. “Everyone was so excited to see you yesterday.”

“Mmm. It was nice to see everyone. I was shocked that Cousin Danny grew a full beard,” Jake said with a laugh.

“Too bad Kat wasn’t here this year.”

His shoulders stiffened. He tried to act casual. “You told me last week she would be upstate, so I wasn’t surprised.”

“Would you’ve come if she had been here?”

Jake stayed silent. He needed to think about the answer. After a few moments he nodded. He was giving her space, that was true, but he wouldn’t avoid her. It’d been over two months since Kat had left Copenhagen, and in that time, he’d tried to talk to her, but now he was resigned to just give her space.

He was giving her space physically, but she took up so much space in his mind, it was maddening. Everything in the last twenty-four hours made him think of her. He saw her apartment door every time they went in and out, toys for Becca were tucked away in the corner of his parents’ living room, and even the egg-and-cheese bagel he bought from a food cart flooded his mind with memories.

His mom put her hand on his arm. He could feel that she was about to ask him a question, so he jumped in first. “How is she? Are she and Becca okay? She won’t talk to me.” The last sentence he said under his breath.

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