Page 52 of And They Had a Great Fall

“Advantage? Blow over? Maybe for you. Maybe for me, too, if I’d had some warning and could’ve prepared, even a little bit. Did you ever think ‘controlling the story’ would meanIwould also have at least some say? Have you seen the social comments?” She thrust her phone in his face and waited for him to respond.

“You know I don’t read that stuff, and I’m not going to start now,” he said, and she could hear the irritation and hesitation in his voice.

“Let me read them to you. It’s been live for, let’s see … sixty-one minutes. Hmm … where should we start? Instagram. Yes, let’s start there. I have twenty-two DMs, each one worse than the next: ‘You’re too ugly for a man as fine as Jake.’ ‘Why didhe ever choose you? I bet you’re a bitch.’ ‘I wish you would die.’ Who the fuck are these people?

“And look at this, someone posted a picture of Becca already, on a fan account with over twenty-two thousand people. Twenty-two thousand strangers have a picture of my child. You cannot begin to understand how frightening that is. Okay, let’s go to Twitter. People don’t DM there, they just outwardly call me horrible things—”

She went to go on, but he interrupted. “I’m sure it’s not all negative Kat, you’re just focusing on the bad. Ignore the trolls. They’ll go away,” he said. “Cindy believes that this will trend positively for both of us.”

She almost threw her phone at him. “Fuck that woman. And you know what? This isn’t some story; this is real life. And in real life, these things have consequences.” She went on, “I’m not done. Did you know that #SwitchDaBitch is trending? Some psycho created a hashtag telling people to switch your mobile device from Path to anything else. Why? Why would someone do this? Oh, God. I’ve created a situation that has people boycotting our devices. Jake, I could lose my job over this.”

Kat noticed the tears on Jake’s face that matched her own.Good, she thought,he needs to feel the weight of how bad this is. She wasn’t just angry about the story. He didn’t trust her enough to tell her about the email. The mixture of hurt and anger waged a war inside her.

“Fuck. There has to be a way to fix this, I’ll get a team on it. I will do whatever I can to make this go away,” he started, and she put her hand up, motioning for him to stop.

“Yes, do anything you can, but I know this stuff never really disappears. I need to get to Becca, back to real life and away from this circus. Away from you. I trusted you, Jake! I was so stupid. God, what was I thinking?” And with that, she grabbed her backpack and roller bag and began toward the door.

Jake darted out of the room and stood between her and front door. He put his hand on her arm. “Come on, Kat. Don’t do this,” he pleaded. “Your flight is in two days. Stay until we figure this out, get it under control. I’ll make this right. I love you … doesn’t that matter?”

“Get the fuck out of my way,” she said, her voice shaking. She pushed his hand off her.

He bowed his head and stepped to the side. “I thought you said you wouldn’t run,” he said, and she could hear the challenge in his voice.

“I thought you said you would protect me,” she replied, knowing the phrase to cut him the most. “I guess we both lied.”

chapter twenty-one

Kat’s heart rate began to slow when she pulled up to Ben’s parents’ house, and Becca came running out. She needed to hold her to quell the panic she’d had her entire journey back to New York. She’d scrambled to take an overnight flight back to New York, landing in the wee hours of the morning.

The conversation she’d had with Linda was on replay in her mind, but she couldn’t decipher Linda’s reaction to the article. She only knew Linda was surprised to see Ben’s name in the press, and that she’d been in Copenhagen for more than work. She was overwhelmed by the guilt of hurting the people who had done the most for her. The entire flight, she’d resigned herself to the realization that she’d taken a vacation from her life, herreallife. She berated herself for getting so wrapped up in Jake that she separated her two lives. At some point, they were going to come crashing together, and once again her instincts were right. It never would’ve worked.

Once she’d left Jake, she attacked the problem as systematically as a work project. First, she’d shut down all her social media to keep Becca’s pictures from getting more traction. The one circulated was from four years ago, and that chubby toddler barely resembled the girl she was now. Once her social media was gone, she didn’t have to deal with strangers giving her their opinions about her relationship.

Second, there were the myriad of phone calls from various press outlets, but those were ignored and deleted. Third, she’d spoken to the Path corporate communications team. They were actively involved with press inquiries and working overtime to protect the company from any negative impact. They were not worried about her well-being, only that her actions didn’t impact sales. It had been a tense and transactional discussion.

But none of that mattered now that she had Becca in her arms. She squeezed Becca so tight she exclaimed, “Mommy you are squashing me.” It amazed her how her daughter’s presence melted away the hurt and anxiety she was feeling. Kat loosened her grip but didn’t let go. “We’re watching Little Mermaid … Ariel just got legs … can I go inside now?” Becca protested. Kat let go and Becca ran back inside.

She slipped on her backpack to follow. Linda grabbed Kat’s suitcase before she could protest. Once inside, she couldn’t hold back her emotion any longer. It was more than what happened in Copenhagen.

Her emotions felt out of control as the loss of Ben and the loss of her family simultaneously twisted her gut, head, and heart. The barriers she’d put around herself had kept her from recognizing how lost she really was. Jake had broken down those walls and without them—withouthim—she felt exposed and raw. She no longer knew her way forward.

Linda dropped her bag in the hall and when she walked back in, Kat choked out, “I am so sorry. After everything you’ve done for me.”

Linda closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around Kat. She let herself relax into Linda’s arms. It was a mother’s touch she’d been missing for so long. Linda released her and motioned for her to sit down. Kat sat down obediently but couldn’t bring herself to speak. She didn’t know what to say. Linda brought Kat a glass of water and sat down across from her.

“Kat, please talk to me. Are you okay?” she asked, and Kat didn’t hear anything other than love. It sprung tears to her eyes. This time, she put her hands over her eyes. She hated crying, especially in front of anyone, but it’s all she’d done in the past twenty-four hours. She shook her head. She was not okay. She didn’t know what to say to fix the situation, so like a broken record, she started, “I’m.…”

“I know,” Linda said with a light chuckle. “Kat,whyare you sorry?”

“I didn’t know about the article, and if I had, I never would’ve allowed them to use Ben’s or Becca’s names. I’m sure you have people asking you questions, and I couldn’t even give you a warning. I’m being hounded by the press, by people I don’t even know. The company I work for is angry. This is messy, and I dragged you into it.”

“Meh. This article is just words. On the internet. You kids make so much of things that are in the ether. We’re fine. Just surprised and a little caught off guard. The only people contacting me are my friends. You’ve made me a bit of a celebrity among the over-sixty crowd.” She winked. “Becca? You two can stay here—no one knows you’re here. She doesn’t go to school for another few days, and we’ll see if it’s still a thing by then. I can only imagine how hard it is for you. But you’ve been through worse, and you’ll get through this,” she said in her matter-of-fact tone. “So, tell me, why are youreallysaying you’re sorry?”

“It’s complicated. I feel … feel …” she said, her voice dropping down to a whisper, “like I cheated on Ben … his memory … or, well.… you …” Her words caught in her throat, so she just stopped talking. She watched Linda suck in a deep breath.

“Kat, I watch you. You are so focused on doing everything right, all the time, that I often wonder, who takes care of you? Are you happy?”

Kat looked up at her, her eyes filling with tears once again.She slowly shook her head. Before Copenhagen, she couldn’t remember a time when she’d been genuinely happy. Sitting there with Linda, she was ready to admit the truth. She wanted to be the woman who held everything together, but her cracks had finally broken wide open.

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