Page 50 of And They Had a Great Fall

“That’s Jake. He’s all or nothing. He’ll practically destroy himself to get something he wants. He’s always been that way,” she said. “When he was a kid, it was hard to watch the intensity with which he navigated life.”

Kat could only imagine, as a parent, the challenges they faced to raise this creative and complicated human. Opening up to the one person who understood, she said, “I love him, but he scares me.”

“Me too,” his mom said with an audible sigh. “Kat, I was thrilled when he told me about the two of you. I had my suspicions once, but I had no idea you were together now.” She paused, “Given what’s happening, I feel better knowing you’re there with him.”

They chatted a little while longer, and Kat hung up the phone. Before she could walk to the bedroom to set his phone on the nightstand, her eyes caught a text alert.

C:It’s done.

C:You can thank me later.

What’s done?she pondered as she set the phone down. She had a sinking feeling there was a lot about Jake’s situation that she didn’t know. What really happened—and what had they done?

chapter twenty

Jake opened his eyes and quickly shut them again. His head was pounding and felt heavy. He sat up, rubbed his eyes, and felt like he was going to be sick. Blowing out a breath, he realized that hewasgoing to be sick, so he ran to the bathroom as all his bad decisions came violently out of him.It’s fitting, he thought,I deserve all this and more. He sat on the floor, knees up to his chest.

Kat knocked and opened the door. She came walking toward him as if he was some sort of wounded animal. “Hey,” she whispered, “you okay?”

He couldn’t take the pity he saw in her eyes. He nodded but remained silent. Just then, he was sick again. He felt Kat’s gentle hand rubbing his back.

“Just leave me,” he said, sounding terser than he meant to. His stomach threatened to lurch again, and he could feel the back of his neck tighten. He didn’t want her to see him like this. “I just need to lie down a bit longer.” He stood up, shuffled over to the sink, brushed his teeth, and brushed past her to the bedroom where he flopped down on the bed.

“Jake, we should—”

“I don’t want to talk about it … Not yet. Let me sleep,” he said, his face turned toward the wall. He heard the door shut as she left the bedroom.

He felt relief. He couldn’t be around her. He’d felt manythings in his life, but complete failure was a new feeling. It destabilized him as he felt every emotion coursing through his body and mind. Every thought reminding him that he was broken. The emotional victor was guilt. The guilt of not saying no. Not saying no to Cindy had said everything. Functionally, it allowed her to move on to Plan B, but it also showed he wasn’t strong enough to put Kat before his own fame. And for that, he hated himself.

Knowing Kat was on the other side of the door, Jake sat up again and checked his phone. He saw the text from Cindy letting him know she’d taken care of the email. He threw his phone across the bed in frustration. It would only be a matter of time before the story broke, and he couldn’t picture a scenario that didn’t include Kat hating him. The anticipatory dread consumed him. He hugged his knees to his chest and closed his eyes, hopeful that he would somehow sleep through this daytime nightmare.

He was barely asleep when his phone rang. He grabbed it off the nightstand, trying not to alert Kat. It was Garren.

“Hey,” he answered, sitting up in bed.

“Jake, this is all so out of hand. I’m sorry this is happening,” Garren spoke.

“Thanks. Why are you calling?” Jake asked keeping his voice flat.

“Jake, I needed you to know I wasn’t planning to replace you. The studio just wanted to know my backup plan should Ineedto. I always believed you’d be a great lead in the film, even when it wasn’t going so well,” he said. “I am issuing a statement, alongside the studio, about the health of the film.”

“Thanks. I appreciate it. I feel like I’m giving you what you want now. I just had a rough start,” Jake said quietly. He felt the weight of his initial struggle and was hoping for reassurance that he was not a failure.

“Yes, Jake, you are doing an amazing job. You are a gifted actor,” Garren said with an uncharacteristic softness in his voice.“Can I ask what was blocking you? You don’t have to tell me, but I wonder if I could have directed you differently in the beginning.”

“A lot of things,” Jake paused and took a moment to collect his thoughts. He’d thought about this a lot over the last few days. “I’m finally learning that, between roles, I need time to find myself again before I can turn around and transform into another person. Transforming too many times in rapid succession, at least for me, is dangerous. I mean, mentally. I only had a few weeks in between projects, and it was too little.”

Jake paused as he walked back to the bathroom and pulled a bottle of Tylenol out of the cabinet. He downed the pills quickly.

“And, Garren,” Jake started. “You’re one of the best directors I’ve worked with. So no, there was nothing you should have done differently. Not letting me get away with a bad performance and giving me a few days off—telling me to get my shit together—was the gift I needed.” He meant every word. Garren could have just replaced him as soon as there had been a problem, but he hadn’t. He’d given Jake a wakeup call and a second chance.

“Thanks, but I’ll think twice before forcing any of my principals to start a project before they’re ready,” Garren said. “If you’d told me, we could’ve tried to adjust the schedule. Jake—a word of advice. You have a long career ahead of you, and you’ve got to ask for things you need to do your best work.”

He focused his brain and listened to the advice of a man whose career length he envied. At the end of the call, Garren gave him the next morning off, and they agreed to put it behind them and start fresh. They hung up, and Jake leaned back on the pillows. For a moment, he felt at peace as he reflected on Garren’s advice. His body and his ego still ached, but at least his headache was beginning to subside.

For the tenth time, he refreshed his social feeds to see if the story had broken. It wasn’t there, giving him momentary relief.Maybe Cindy was able to bury it without releasing anything, hehoped. He typed in the web address for TMZ and as soon as the website loaded, he saw it, splashed right on the home page. Plan B. It had broken fifteen minutes ago. He closed his eyes for a moment, took a deep breath, and started to scan the post. He expected a quick news alert or half-page gossip post, but when his eyes scanned the screen, what he found was not minimal. He saw a near feature-length article, complete with photos—photos of them together in the rain, kissing the morning they had agreed to stop running from each other. It was their entire story, complete with Kat’s past, Ben, Becca, and her reasons for being in Copenhagen, which identified her as a key leader at Path. All of it. Right there for everyone to read. Jake’s heart raced and stress brought bile into his throat. He pulled his knees to his forehead, closed his eyes, and waited for his world to crash around him.

It was all Kat could do to leave him alone. Every instinct she had told her to march back in the room, make him feel better, control the situation, and solve it all. It went against everything in her nature to give him the space he requested, but ultimately, she didn’t know how to fix this situation. She only knew how to love him through it, and she was going to do just that. Once he got some rest and sobered up, she was going to make sure he understood she loved him with or without fame. She believed he would land on his feet, even if it meant he stopped being theit boyof the moment.It would actually be easier for both of us if he wasn’t famous, she told herself.

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