Page 38 of And They Had a Great Fall

When she didn’t reply, he continued, “This is not just a distraction to me.” This was him, bringing forward all his complicated, messy life, just asking her to take a chance. He didn’t know if she would, or if it was even fair of him to ask. All he knew was that he needed her, starting in those early days of the pandemic, when the only place that had felt right was wherever she was.

It seemed like forever before she spoke. It came out so quiet, he would have missed it if they weren’t the words he desperately wanted to hear. “This is more than a distraction,” she said, putting her forehead against his. “But I don’t know how to do this.”

He brought his hands up to the sides of her face and kissed her. “My sweet Kat, you don’t need todoanything.” He sighed. “I’ll protect you, if you’ll just give it a chance, givemea chance.”

“But I don’t see a way that I—and Becca—won’t be in the public eye,” she said, “and it scares me more than you know. I fear that it will be the thing that tears us apart, and I don’t want to lose you.”

Jake knew this moment was crucial, because safety and protection were the only things Kat craved in this world, and his life was the ultimate risk. But he couldn’t change what his life had become and the realities of being with him.

“I’ll be honest: I won’t be able to keep you secret, nor do I want to,” he said. “I’ve come to learn the difference between secret and private. They’re not the same, especially to me.” He looked at her and made sure he was making sense. “I can keep us private. I have a whole team of people I can use to keep you and Becca protected from the circus.”

She looked at him and he could see the skepticism on herface. “How, Jake? This all seems uncontrollable. We were on set together for only a few hours and then.…”

Jake didn’t have a plan, but he did know the resources he could use to give her the level of protection she wanted. He couldn’t make her anonymous, but he did believe he could bring her into his life without compromising hers or Becca’s safety.

“Kat, I’ve had to figure out how to navigate the world differently. And, because of that, I have a lot of resources at my disposal—”

“How?” she interrupted.

He was reminded that she lived in specificity and didn’t exist in the gray. “Kat, it’s about creating my—our—own bubble. I’m learning how and when I need it. Think about it this way: if there’s anything we need to do, I’ll hire someone to do it. If something gets out and you’re worried about Becca’s safety, she’ll have security. I can and will do anything you need.”

Kat nodded and he could see her trying to process the world he was proposing. He was only asking her to try. That was all he really wanted—a chance for them to be more than a distraction or an escape from life. He wanted to try to be something more to her, to be something to Becca. But most of all, he just didn’t want her to keep running away from him. He couldn’t chase her forever. But he knew he had to be honest with her and himself about the realities of living a life in public.

“But why can’t I just be with youandstay anonymous?” Kat asked him as she rested her forehead on his shoulder. Jake heard and felt her sigh. “It was so much easier when we could be a secret.”

“Kat, please don’t run away because this is no longer easy,” he said, taking her hand, almost as if holding on to her would keep her from running. “Given the importance of the public side of my life, even if we are private, I can’t keep you anonymous. Our relationship, and you,willcome into the spotlight.”

There. He said it. The big elephant they were always dancing around. He pulled it out of the tent and plopped it right down in the middle of the apartment.

She didn’t respond, but she also didn’t pull away. He continued, “And even if we could, I don’twantus to be a secret. I want to be able to be more than some neighbor to Becca. I want to be on a set and look up and see you there. Last night was one of my best nights because you were there. I don’t believe that a secret will ever result in anything more than stolen moments. I wantallthe moments.”

He caught her eyes and put his hand on the side of her face, rubbing her temple with his thumb. He wanted to believe that he could protect her, and that they could find a common ground between his public life and her private nature. He was pushing her toward a risk he didn’t know if she’d be willing to take.

“All the moments,” she whispered, repeating his words. “You’re killing me, Jake.”

He wasn’t sure how to interpret her statement, but when she moved into his lap and brought her lips to his, he felt her answer. As he leaned back against the headboard, melting into their kiss, he stopped thinking.

chapter sixteen

Kat was in the middle of her own reconnaissance of the morning’s situation—as well as gathering some intel about Cindy—when Jake walked into the living room, showered and ready to go back to set for the day. She watched him. He looked the same, but something was different. He methodically packed his backpack as he sang to himself with an unusual air of calm.

She, on the other hand, was anything but calm. He had her on edge and was pushing hard. Pushing her toward a life full of exposure, risks, and uncontrolled elements. She felt more alive with him than she had in years, but she didn’t know if she had enough of herself left to be the kind of woman Jake wanted in his vibrant and open life.

When Jake walked up behind her, she minimized her screen, hoping he didn’t see. She didn’t want to discuss the tweet any longer and just hoped that Cindy was right—it would be short-lived and inconsequential.

“Going into the office today?” Jake asked, opening each kitchen cabinet and drawer, leaving them open as he searched.

“Yes, in an hour.” She was looking forward to going into the office, bringing her back into a world that was built on process and rational thoughts. “What are you looking for?” she asked.

“Coffee cup with a lid,” he said. “I have to leave in five, and I’m not properly caffeinated.”

Kat got up, opened the cabinet under the sink, grabbed a stainless-steel mug and handed it to him. She walked behind him and started closing all the doors he’d left open.

“Cindy … she seems intense,” Kat said.

She saw Jake’s shoulders tense, so she didn’t dare say anything further. He was busy making coffee and she wasn’t sure if he would even reply. The apartment was silent except for the sound of coffee flowing into Jake’s coffee cup.

When the cup was full, he finally spoke, “She can be. She’s good at what she does. She’s cleaned up more than one PR mess I’ve dropped in her lap.”

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