Page 21 of And They Had a Great Fall

He didn’t say anything. He set her down, gave her a smile, and opened his arms before him, bringing her focus to the grand throne room they were standing in. Her eyes widened. It was a grand space with a gleaming throne at the end of the room. Kat walked across the checkerboard floor and gazed at the rich tapestries that lined the walls. She was struck by the size and the nearly overwhelming mix of colors in front of her.

“This is stunning,” Kat said, turning from the tapestry she was studying. “We should go. We can’t be in here.”

“Kat, it’s a public building with the door unlocked. I don’t see or hear any alarms. Worst case, security tells us to leave, that’s it.” Jake reassured her. Kat just wrinkled her nose at him in annoyance.

Jake shot her a smug grin, turned on his heel, and walked into the next room. She followed after him, shaking her head.I guess we’re going to see the castle after all.

They walked from room to room, taking in the history of the four-hundred-year-old castle. They were all alone, which allowed her to abandon her rules when Jake took her hand, pulled her over, and gave her a small kiss. Their footsteps echoed in the silent castle, and she absorbed the stillness and peacefulness. She couldn’t remember the last time her mind felt so quiet and open.

They made their way past a group of lavish portraits. “I’m tired of talking about me, believe it or not. How come I know nothing about your family?” he asked as they climbed up a spiral staircase to the second floor. “Please tell me you’re a mess sometimes too. It isn’t just me.”

She pretended to focus on her footing, so she didn’t have to answer right away. In all their time together, her family had nevercome up. She was not a native New Yorker and because of the quarantine, there hadn’t been a circumstance where her family would have entered his mind. In fact, they hadn’t talked abouthermuch at all. She liked it that way.

“There’s not much to tell,” she started. “My mom was very young when she had me. She was only eighteen. I didn’t know my dad—I don’t think he wanted to be involved. They weren’t in love or anything.” She hoped he would be satisfied with the abbreviated version of her life. It was the most she ever told people. Once people learn you’re a widow, they stop asking about your life, past or present.

“Are you two close? You never talk about her,” he said.

Kat didn’t want to talk about her. She wanted to deflect and go back to discussing the castle, him, or anything not to continue this conversation. As if he could read her mind, he stopped her.

“Hey, what is it? You can tell me.”

She wanted him to know. She was ready for him to know. Without knowing it, he was challenging her with questions she hadn’t answered in a long time.

“I don’t talk about this much. My mom passed away when I was six. A freak aneurysm, I guess.” She shrugged. “The end of this story is that I was raised by my grandparents, who passed while I was in college.” It was hard for her not to have moments of bitterness when she thought about how many people in her life had left her.

Jake stopped and put his hand on her arm. “God, Kat, that’s horrible,” he said, looking over at her with sadness in his eyes. “How did I not know any of that?”

“The honest reality is that I don’t remember much about my mom and obviously nothing about my dad. My grandparents were wonderful people. I really did have a very happy childhood, so this story is not as tragic as it sounds,” she said. “Why we never talked about it? Because I don’t ever talk about it unless asked, and you never asked.”

Kat watched Jake as he shook his head without saying a word. He moved closer to her and brushed her hand with his, eventually hooking two of their fingers together. It was such a subtle, sweet gesture. This was his physical language, and she appreciated his light connection.

“It just doesn’t seem fair,” he said. “First your mom and then …” his voice trailed off.

She laughed without a hint of humor. “That’s the cruelest part of life I’ve learned: experiencing one tragedy doesn’t protect you from another. Nothing about life is fair.” She decided to confess her true take on life. “Jake, I think life is just a series of people leaving you until it’s your turn to die.”

Jake let out a low whistle. “Wow. Kat, that’s a hard way to view life,” he said.

She took a second to reflect on his statement. Death had shaped every part of her approach to life. And even if he thought it was dark, it was true. Nothing in life was fair and no matter who you were, death was always around the corner.

She finally spoke. “You know when you were a kid, you had no concept of time? I’ve never felt that way. I’ve always had a sense of mortality. My grandmother used to remark that I freaked people out because I was obsessed with death. I was always trying to figure out when everyone else would die. I wanted to prepare, to plan, to come up with ways to control … I guess …death. I know it’s one of the reasons I’m so risk averse. I crave safety. It’s pretty cliché.”

She had no idea why she was telling him all of this, only that she hadn’t trusted anyone for a long time, not enough to fully reveal the darkness inside of her. She was trying to control and plan the one thing in life that was unpredictable and inevitable.

She thought for a moment. “It’s why I’m obsessive about Becca and keeping her in my perfect little controlled kingdom. I don’t feel like anything is safe, and I want to make sure nothinghappens to her. Honestly, I know I’m too tightly wound about what she watches, her school, what she eats, who she plays with.… It’s like … if I manage her life perfectly, nothing bad will happen to her.” Admitting it out loud made Kat’s heart race.

“Oh, I remember,” he said with a knowing tone. “You’d never let her have extra dessert and no sweets. Which is practically child abuse,” he teased. “I used to slip her Tootsie Pops when she would come over. She loves them, especially orange, which I always thought was weird, because no one likes orange.”

“Wait, what?” she said incredulously. “That was you? I found a stash of them a few months ago in a drawer. I was so confused as to where she got them. I can’t believe they came from you!”

Jake covered his face with both his hands and pretended to hide. His laugh echoed through the hall. “I can’t believe she didn’t eat them. Don’t let her eat them now, they’re like two years old!”

She punched him in the arm to try to make him stop laughing, which made him laugh even harder.Of course!She should have known it was Jake, who believed in, above all, enjoying life. Sometimes Kat just felt like she sucked the fun out of life. If he was the human equivalent to Friday, she felt like Monday. She convinced herself it was for good reason, but she didn’t even know Becca loved Tootsie Pops.

Jake reached over and intertwined one of his hands in hers and gently pulled her close. He leaned forward and whispered in her ear. “I want to know more about you, Kat. I won’t always think to ask you everything, okay?”

Nodding, Kat understood he was asking for her to be more open and forthcoming about her life, and although she trusted him, she didn’t know if she trusted herself enough to let down much more of her protective armor. Not even for him.

They both heard the footsteps at the same time. Kat looked at Jake with alarm. Jake took her hand as they quickened their steps back down the stairs, retracing their path through the rooms andbreaking into a run out the side door. She could hear the footsteps getting louder and a voice call out, “Hey!” right as they pushed the door open to the outside. As they ran out the door, Kat’s heart was pounding in her ears, but Jake couldn’t seem to control his laughter. He pulled her toward the garden, behind some tall bushes, and doubled over.

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