Page 20 of And They Had a Great Fall

He saw her tighten her jaw, and she shook her head as if to shake off a thought.

She continued. “Grief does weird things to people. One minute you’re pulling people closer, the next minute you’re pushing them away. Anything said in a haze of grief needs to have a short shelf life.”

She paused for a minute, and Jake realized she was hesitating. He stayed quiet, giving her space to collect her thoughts.

“Also, I will say this just once, and I don’t want you to obsess about it. I believe your mom has been grieving the loss of you for a long time. She wanted you to go out in the world and live your own life, but you did it so young and fast. You left and never looked back. I think she’s wanted you to include her at least a little bit.”

Jake interrupted her. He was gutted. “She told you that?”

“She didn’t have to. When she talks about you, Jake, she’s so proud. You work so hard, and you are great, like really great. But also—she never admits this—I see the hurt in her eyes when she has to search the internet to know what country you’re in. She learns more from your fans’ tweets than from you. She wants to be in your life, in a real way. I know for a fact she understandsthe commitment you need to have to your career, but that doesn’t change the fact that she profoundly misses you.”

Jake was silent as he took in Kat’s words. He knew it was all true. After the fight with his mother, he’d stopped communicating and made her watch him from afar. “I really don’t know how to make it right. God, the stuff we said to each other … And then I punished her with silence.” he winced.

“I can’t tell you how to fix it,” she said. “I will say, you are a wonderful, passionate, driven human being. You feel everything so deeply … it’s your superpower. When that’s channeled in the right direction, it becomes absolute brilliance. It’s what makes you a great actor. When all that feeling is allowed to live in a state of chaos, it becomes combative, even destructive. You got that from somewhere.”

She reached over and pulled the cinnamon bun back to her side of the table and took a bite. She swallowed and continued. “You and you mom are so alike it shocks me that neither of you can see it. I’m not surprised at this situation, given both of your electric personalities. I compare it to lightning striking a power line and creating a dramatic butbriefexplosion. Except, in this case, you’re letting the sparks burn down the entire house.”

As they exited the café, Jake asked if they could walk around the city instead of heading back to the apartment. It was early morning, and the streets were quiet. Even though it was sunny, the air was cool and crisp, and the city glistened. The cobblestone streets were damp with dew that still clung to the cracks, outlining each brick in the patchwork of stone. She was worried she’d pushed him too far. Reflecting on the fracture within his family, she was reminded of the explosive cocktail that was his personality.

They walked along the Nyhavn canal, enjoying some fresh air and silence. Kat mapped Rosenborg Castle on her phone andwhen she showed Jake, he nodded. She motioned for them to turn down a tiny side street. When they were in the seclusion of the deserted street, Jake moved a bit closer and nudged her shoulder. She furrowed her brow and looked at him. He did it again and grinned. Having spent so little time with him in the past year, she forgot that he often communicated through physical touch, not words. His physicality was a language that was foreign to her, and she wished she was more fluent. She was seeing it here again and tried to decipher his mood.

“What are you thinking?” she finally asked, unable to translate his physical language.

“Thank you for back there … at the café. I don’t think I realized how much that was eating away at me. I’m a mess,” he mused. “I still don’t know what I’m going to do, but even being honest with you—no, being honest with myself … makes me feel, I don’t know … less of a mess?”

She felt relieved that their conversation hadn’t thrown him into an obsessive tailspin. She’d glimpsed his darkness during quarantine, when he’d felt trapped. “Yeah, you’re feeling blocked. I wonder how much this fight has to do with it?” she asked. She knew the answer, but this was his to figure out.

He shrugged his shoulders. “You’re probably right. It certainly has been taking up more space than I want to admit. Why are you so smart?” he laughed.

“Meh, it comes with age,” she said, winking at him. She knew he hated it when she reminded him that she was older. There were times when there didn’t seem to be any age separating them. Jake had indeed had more life experiences than many people at twenty-five, but times like this reminded her how young he really was.

She was acutely aware he’d grown up in a business that required him to act like an adult as a teen, but it had stunted his emotional growth. Living in a bubble, wholly focused on himselfas a product, gave him a skewed sense of the world. He lived in his own echo chamber, which made it easy to eschew reality. She had a visceral feeling of being simultaneously drawn to him while wanting to protect him. She wouldn’t allow herself to process the full complication of her feelings toward Jake. Pushing her thoughts to the back of her mind, she navigated them through the city.

They turned onto the grounds of Rosenborg Castle and the surrounding park. Similar to Tivoli, the castle was a unique, breathtaking piece of architecture nestled inside the city. She was in love with this place that was home to castlesandamusement parks, art installations on the street, and beautiful surprises around every corner. Maybe that’s why she loved Copenhagen—the separate elements of the city didn’t make sense, but they worked as an entire package. Leave it to the Danish to create a city that was the perfect blend of form and function.

They walked the grounds taking in the old, towering trees dotted with fall colors, the royal gardens, and just beyond, a seventeenth-century castle. She looked up at the brick and sandstone architecture and high towers. They looked like they touched the sky, and she blinked her eyes to take a mental picture.Becca would love to see this someday, she thought.

It was barely 7:30 a.m. and the city was just starting to wake up. Kat blew on her hands; they were cold in the fall air. Walking in the sun had warmed her, but in the shadow of the castle, she felt the dampness of the atmosphere. The cold radiated off the stone structure and onto the walkway below.

She wanted to go inside until she read the sign saying tours of the castle wouldn’t start for another two-and-a-half hours. She sighed and fought back tears, momentarily remembering her trip with Ben. She’d wanted to go into the castle on that visit too, but Ben, tired of sightseeing, wanted to eat lunch instead. She’d tried to convince him to go in, even for a minute, but he’d rolled hiseyes and told her he had no interest in a dusty old castle. He’d dug his heels in, and her response had been irrational anger. It’d been their first fight. And he’d won. They hadn’t seen the castle that day. And it looked like she wouldn’t see it now.

“Hey,” Jake said, touching her shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she said curtly, sucking in a breath to fight back tears. “I’m tired … and cold … and … I just really wanted to go in. It’s too early. I’m being stupid.”

“Hmm … you want to go in? Let me see if I can make that happen.” Jake gave her a mischievous look, went around her, and pulled on the door. When it didn’t open, he searched until he saw another door and started toward it. Kat followed him, confused. “Jake, what are you doing? It doesn’t open until ten. I can come back.”

The next door didn’t open, and Jake kept walking around the stone building. Finally, he found a door that opened and turned to her, laughing. “Or … is it open right now?” He held open the door and gestured for her to go inside.

“No, Jake,” she said, stepping back. “It isn’t open yet. We aren’t allowed to go in there.” Her heart raced as she pictured security alarms flashing, guards hunting them down, and a discussion with the police about trespassing. She was certain PathMobile would frown upon one of their key executives getting arrested.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of the metal door closing behind Jake. It let out a jarringbangthat carried through the air. Kat stared at the closed door. She kicked a rock in front of her. She didn’t know what to do with herself. Jake seemed to be gone forever.

The door flew open, and she jumped backward. Jake flashed her a devilish grin. “Kat! Come in! It’ll be fine. It’s amazing here. You’ll want to see it, come inside.” He held out his hand.

She stood back, shook her head no, and crossed her arms over her chest. He let out a laugh and, before she could register whathe was doing, he picked her up, threw her over his shoulder, and carried her through the door.

She let out a yelp and smacked him on the shoulder. “What are you doing?” She couldn’t even process what had just happened.

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