Page 55 of Out of Control

“But that sets the context for moving forward.” He was working hard to keep his voice confident and believable. The next card along was captioned ‘The Lovers’ and was illustrated with a naked man and woman, plus an angel hovering above them. “This one indicates you are at a fork in your close relationships and decisions must be made, for your own peace of mind as well as those near to you.” He dared to glance up.

She was looking intently at the cards. “What guidance are they giving?”

Meeko took a breath and bent over the pictures again. Now their heads were almost touching. He could smell her perfume, something spicy with a fruity undertone. He hoped it wasn’t a present from Joe.

“The cards can’t be exact. They deal in hints and generalisations. You must interpret them according to your own situation.”

She frowned and sat back in her chair.

The final card was captioned the ‘Ace of Cups’ and appeared to show an overflowing fountain with the excess water playing into a woman’s hand. He took a gamble. “This shows that there is a relationship to be had which will make you very happy.” He couldn’t meet her eye. “And that person is close by.”

“Do you mean long-lasting romantic love or platonic friendship?” Her voice faltered over the last two words and then picked up. “Or perhaps a maternal, caring kind of love for a younger person, or the love that one might feel for a parent? Or someone I was close to years ago?”

He knew exactly who she meant in each of those scenarios but it wasn’t fair to point her specifically in his direction. Changing the nature of their relationship carried a huge risk. “It could be any one of those, or more than one.”

She bit her lip and frowned. “This isn’t helping. I need more direct advice.”

Meeko’s mouth went dry and there was a fluttery feeling in his stomach. This opportunity wouldn’t come again. And Fiona still had the free will to make her own decision. “If I was doing this reading for me.” He spoke slowly, wanting to get every word right. “I would interpret it as pertaining to a relationship in my life that has the potential to change and grow.” He held the edgesof the table to steady his hands and his heart thumped as he put his case as plainly as he dared.

Fiona met his eyes, blushed and looked down again. “I . . .”

Meeko was certain she’d understood his subtext. He felt the angular wood of the table edges dig into his hands. Both their futures hung between them.

“I . . .” she repeated. There was a silence and then she looked directly at him again. “I . . . I don’t want to jeopardise the most valuable thing in my life.”

Meeko’s heart contracted painfully. His shoulders slumped. The disappointment was huge. She had decided to obey that red danger sign. A second later he hitched his shoulders, relaxed his hands into the middle of the table and attempted to smile. Earlier he’d decided to be neutral and let her work through her options. That was still the fairest policy. “Other relationships?”

Fiona looked relieved at the change of focus. “There are several people that could apply to. I’ve held everybody at arm’s length for so long. Including my mum. With her I automatically revert to the role of awkward teenager because that was our relationship when I last lived at home. But when I see her with Adele and other adults, I see she is an interesting person in her own right, and if I could change our relationship then I could benefit from knowing that person too.”

“Improve that relationship if you can, but I don’t think it’s that that the cards are alluding to.” He had to tread carefully; he wasn’t ready to give up completely on the belief that they had a future together.

“And there’s Rob. In the early part of our marriage, we were as thick as thieves. I didn’t think any couple could be closer, or happier, than us. Neither of us have successfully found another partner since.” She paused. Meeko hoped she couldn’t hear the pounding of his heart. Rob was available and Fiona was available. “We need to work on that relationship and becomefriends if I’m to become part of his ‘reparations tour’.” Her hands added air quotation marks and she emphasised the wordtouras though she was a rock singer with a huge live audience.

He said nothing.

“The arm’s-length relationship with Joe worked because it was all I thought I needed. In the last month I’ve wised up. The two of us always showing our polished side, and me being in control of everything, was a house of cards. And now it’s come tumbling down.”

Again Meeko said nothing. Fiona stopped speaking and looked directly at him. His heart leaped. His shoulders tensed and he felt his cheeks warm. The gas fire hissed as it tried and failed to send its heat across the room. His cheeks continued to burn.

The hope still deep within him meant he couldn’t stay silent any longer. “Sometimes the safest thing isn’t always the best thing.” He gripped the table again so the shaking of his hands wasn’t visible. “Sometimes we have to take a chance.” It was up to Fiona now and he would accept her verdict.

“I can’t afford to gamble and lose the thing I treasure the most.” Her eyes were speaking louder than her voice. “I thought I’d lost it recently and I was devastated. I can’t take that risk again.”

Meeko wanted to pull her close and reassure her it wasn’t a gamble. But that wasn’t true — they would be taking a huge risk that could end in catastrophe. That didn’t stop him wanting to kiss her neck, her throat, her face. He wanted to kiss her deeply on the mouth. He wanted to tell her that the two of them being happy together was a dead cert. It was odds-on to be a success. But there were no guarantees and so he didn’t speak and he didn’t move.

After a silence that felt interminable, Meeko looked at the cards and then across the table to Fiona. “Have the cards helped?”

“Talking to you has helped.”

“I’m glad. You’re welcome anytime for another reading, a chat or . . . whatever. But bring your own hot water bottle next time.” He gave a mock shiver and she had the decency to laugh.

Their drinks had gone cold and Meeko made more coffee.

“It’s not fair,” Fiona said when he sat back down.

“What’s not fair?”

“The way the hotel is treating you. You are the most popular instructor in that place, yet they are cutting your classes. Surely your boss is slitting his own throat?”

---