Page 23 of Out of Control

She wanted to tell Adele that she knew exactly what it felt like to be pregnant and how tiring it could be. Fiona had found the first trimester tough. She hadn’t had the option of lounging about while someone else cleared up after her, though. She’d had a house and husband to maintain and a job to hold down. Rob had kept saying that he was more than willing to help, but his offers were of no use because by the time he got home there was only time to eat and go to bed. Fiona, believing he was working late every night, had felt it was her duty to do everything — after all, a marriage is about teamwork, and he was earning more than her. If only she’d known back then that he wasn’t doing overtime to provide a secure home for his wife and child but was in thebookies or playing the slot machines chasing a quick win to keep the bailiffs at bay. If she’d known, maybe she wouldn’t have pushed herself so hard and, just possibly, she might not have lost Amber. Mostly, she tried not to reflect on that period, but when she did, guilt descended. The miscarriage might not have been solely down to the shock of the bailiffs. If she hadn’t insisted on doing more than her share at home as well as working full-time, even though she was suffering from first trimester exhaustion and sickness, there might have been a better outcome. The medical staff had said it was just ‘one of those things’, but Fiona felt they had been trying to stop her from blaming herself. Losing Amber had been the biggest failure of her life — of course she was going to blame herself.

She looked at Adele but voiced none of her thoughts out loud. The girl was wan-faced, with more shadow under her eyes than a girl her age should have.

“Go sit down and put your feet up. Or relax in the bath. Just don’t tell your dad.”

Adele grinned at her. “Thank you.” Then she mimed zipping her lips closed. “If you really don’t mind, I’d love to have a bath.”

Fiona waved her away with a smile and felt a little bud of brightness inside her.

When Joe returned from work the house was pristine. Adele was dressed in maternity jeans and an oversized sky-blue sweatshirt stretched snuggly over her bump. She’d made an effort with some make-up and looked a lot brighter.

“You’re blooming!” Joe held his daughter at arm’s length for a moment and then kissed her on the forehead. “Impending motherhood suits you.” He touched her belly. “But don’t make a habit of it.”

Fiona served homemade fish pie and broccoli. Adele accepted only a little bit of the broccoli onto her plate and bypassed Fiona’s specially prepared tartar sauce, but was liberalwith the tomato ketchup. Joe frowned as she squirted from the bottle onto her plate for a third time. Fiona caught his eye and give a little shake of her head. His face relaxed and he let it pass.

“Fiona has offered to host a baby shower for me,” Adele spoke tentatively when they’d all finished eating. “Is that still OK, Fiona?”

“Absolutely.” Damn, she’d forgotten to mention the Father Christmas gig to Meeko. Her organisational skills seemed to be escaping through the cracks as light seeped into the controlled areas of her life.

“I haven’t a clue what a baby shower is,” Joe said immediately, “but I’m behind it all the way.” He was looking eagerly from one woman to the other as though pleased to see them bonding over whatever this unknown female ritual might turn out to be.

“It’s a sort of party,” Adele explained, “to celebrate the forthcoming birth of a baby.”

“And you’re happy to host this party, here in your house?” Joe was looking at Fiona as though this offer was totally out of character for her. He was right. Each time she thought of the impending event, her heart speeded up and anxiety settled in the pit of her stomach. Only the expectation that Meeko would be there on the night, as a supporting act, made her feel that this was something that she could actually get through.

“Yes. I wouldn’t have offered otherwise.”

Joe squeezed her hand. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”No. Through choice, I’d have nothing to do with pregnant women, baby showers, et cetera, et cetera, but I’m finding that sometimes it feels good to open up those dark compartments. However, when it comes to it, this one might not feel quite so good.“I’m sure Adele will keep everyone under control and it won’t be too wild.”

“What do you think, Adele?”

“I want it to go ahead. Obviously. But . . .” There was a silence and then the words came hesitantly. “It’s just . . . everyone will see . . . it should be Mum . . . not . . .”

Joe looked confused but Fiona understood immediately. “Introducing me as your dad’s girlfriend is embarrassing?”

Adele nodded but had the decency to look ashamed.

“Then tell them I’m a family friend; one of those friends of your parents who get called ‘Aunty’ even though there’s no blood relationship. Will that work?”

Adele nodded again.

Joe looked satisfied with the outcome. “And we’ll both help you with the catering, Fiona. I’ll pay.”

“There’d need to be a big cake. With pink icing.” Adele glanced down at her empty plate, which had held one of Fiona’s homemade sugarless flapjacks. “And with proper sugar in it.”

“Sugar,” Fiona repeated, “is not a problem.”At least not compared to the emotional strain of celebrating someone else’s as yet unborn baby daughter.

Joe had pulled a diary from his briefcase, turned to the back, headed the page ‘Baby Shower’ and was starting a list. “You’re the expert, Adele, what do we need?”

“Let me!” Fiona held her hand out for the diary. She didn’t trust someone else to do the organising. “I’ll make the notes.”

Relief flooded Joe’s face as he handed the diary over, and Fiona’s shoulders relaxed once she was in the driving seat.

“Pink balloons, prosecco, all sorts of nibbles, and there’s a Baby Bingo game I’ve seen online. And, Dad, you do know it’s women only?”

Joe’s face fell and then recomposed itself quickly into an expression of positivity.

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