Page 48 of Waiting for a Bright New Future

“It’s the traffic. I can’t suddenly go off cycling in all the traffic. And my muscles aren’t used to it. I won’t be able to keep up.”

He hadn’t considered any of these obvious practicalities. His eye had been on the romance of recreating something that had been perfect nearly forty years ago. But still, he so wanted to do this cycling thing. He wanted her to remember how they had been and how they could be again. Cycling could become the shared interest that would bind them together. But Jayne was right. She needed to practise and build up to it.

“Let’s take the car. If I take the wheels off I’ll get both bikes in the back with the seat folded down.”

“I’m sorry.” Jayne took the helmet off and fingered her hair back into place. “Were you thinking of the quarry and my eighteenth?”

He nodded.

“Come here, you big softie.” She held out her arms and pulled him close. Maybe the day could still turn out perfect.

He parked on the rough ground adjacent to the quarry and reassembled both bikes. It was a remote spot with few visitors, which was why they’d liked it as teenagers. Set amongst crags, it was filled with deathly cold, dangerous water. When the sun caught the dimpled surface it looked inviting, but people drowned there. Occasionally, for pure pleasure, black-suited divers tipped themselves into the depths from a small rowing boat, always in pairs. Perhaps for them, supermarket trolleys, rusty bicycles and old quarry machinery equated to a sort of treasure.

Stuart followed as Jayne wobbled her away along the footpath that circled the huge hole in the landscape. When they arrived back at the car she was smiling with achievement.

“Let’s go round again,” she said.

This time she was more confident and went a little faster. There was hope that with some gentle coaching she’d eventually be able to join him in ‘proper’ cycling.

Jayne gently laid her bike on the grass and reached her arms and body towards the sky. It was a pleasure to watch her; there was no trace of the poor posture that plagued most desk workers. Then she gave her legs a shake. “My muscles need a stretch after that.” She placed her hands on the floor and raised her bottom into the air. It looked like a triangle with her hands, feet and bum creating the three corners, her leggings and close-fitting T-shirt creating a smooth edge to her limbs and back.

Stuart got down onto his hands and knees, curious about what Jayne got out of yoga — to him it seemed so gentle as to be a complete waste of time. She gave him an upside-down grin. Gingerly, Stuart straightened his legs and raised his bum. He immediately felt a stretch down the backs of his legs even though he was on his toes, with his heels refusing to go anywhere near the floor. He groaned and lay flat out on the grass.

Jayne laughed and came down onto her knees. “I’ll show you how to do cat cow — that’s easier.” Still on all fours, she showed him how to alternately flex and round his back. This was more achievable. “Well done. Now we could—”

“Picnic time,” he announced before she could suggest any more contortions and opened his panniers.

“Ooh! Chocolate cake and cider. My favourite.”

“Plus candle. Minus matches and knife. But, because we are grown-ups, I also have a flask of tea and sandwiches.”

As they ate, the few clouds that were hovering were scattered by the breeze and the full heat of the sun came through. They made pillows with their fleeces and laid back, eyes closed and holding hands. Their fingertips transmitted a constant Morse message of affection and contentment. It was a moment that should last forever.

“I didn’t think I’d ever get this feeling again,” Jayne whispered. “There’s so few people who you can happily be silent with. I’m so glad you came back into my life, Stuart.”

He squeezed her hand. “Likewise.” He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it.

“Coming out here without Mum is absolute luxury. Sometimes it feels like we’re joined at the hip. I can’t do anything without making sure Mum is being cared for or won’t be left alone too long. Does that sound mean?”

“It doesn’t sound mean at all. I’ve been there and done that. Don’t beat yourself up for how you’re feeling. Just enjoy today for what it is.”

They were quiet again in the warmth of the sun until the muffled sound of Jayne’s phone became urgent. With a grunt she sat up and fumbled in her pockets.

“Yes . . . no, not a problem. I’ll be there in forty-five minutes.”

Stuart sat up and waited for the explanation.

“It’s Mum. She’s agitated.” Jayne’s face was anxious and apologetic all at once. “They say she’s suddenly realised it’s my birthday and is insisting she needs to be with me. Nothing they can do is calming her down. Do you mind if we go?”

“It’s fine. I’ll sort the bikes out and get them loaded.” It wasn’t fine, everything had been going so well. But he hid his frustration as he bent over the bikes to remove their wheels and load them into the back of the car.

Jayne flapped around alternately apologising and expressing anxiety about Lillian.

“Pack the picnic stuff away.” He didn’t like the way she was hovering over him, as though she thought her close proximity could speed him up.

“There’ll be other days out, I promise.” She’d obviously sensed his disquiet but who was to say that those other days wouldn’t be rudely interrupted as well?

He tried to stop his thoughts. He was being unfair. Lillian couldn’t help getting old and Jayne loved her mother. It was just frustrating that, after all the years with Dad, he couldn’t have a small window of freedom before starting over again with responsibilities.

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