Page 22 of Waiting for a Bright New Future

“He thinks it might be the start of dementia. The level of confusion will vary but will probably become more frequent.” Jayne brought her eyes up to meet his and there was a slight shake to her voice. “There’s medication that may slow the progression but there are no guarantees. She’s devastated. I’m devastated. She doesn’t want anyone to know so, please, don’t mention it to her or anybody else.”

“No, of course not.” Stuart wanted to touch Jayne, to offer comfort in more than words. But there was no hand resting on the table and attempting to do anything else would be awkward and cringe-worthy. “I want to help. You must tell me what I can do.”

Jayne blew her nose and then took a breath as though steadying herself. He looked down and busied himself with his mushrooms.

“You are so lovely. Most men run a mile.” She smiled at him again and, despite the laughter lines around her eyes giving her age away, he was back in an age when parents were a nuisance because of curfews and no-party rules. Back then, the possible reversal of the parent-child carer role had never crossed their minds.

“Really, I do want to help. I know how lonely caring can be. And how it wears you out, emotionally as well as physically.”

“Thank you. I’ve been forced to tell a few people because of my absences from work and the reactions are beginning to teach me about that loneliness. You’d be surprised how many people turn away when you say the word ‘dementia’.”

Stuart wondered if this included Audi man. He couldn’t find the nerve to ask her.

“Let’s talk about something cheerier.” She was looking at him with an expression that was suddenly too positive to be natural. “Hobbies?”

“Cycling?” The question mark in his voice came out accidentally. He wasn’t sure the answer was good enough.

“Good one. For me it’s yoga.”

“I’ve never tried that.” He didn’t add that the slowness of yoga movements made them seem pointless to him.

“I started after the divorce. It’s good for everything — back, core, flexibility and mindfulness. Helps me destress. You know when your head is full of all that stuff you don’t want? Yoga, plus the meditation at the end of the class, help to empty it all out. I’ve needed it even more since I started worrying about Mum. I only get rid of the chatter in my head when I’m doing yoga.”

“Hmmm.” For Stuart there was no better cure for stress than fresh air and vigorous exercise. But each to their own.

They switched to ‘holidays I would take if money was no problem.’ Stuart described a ‘gap year’ in Australia. As he spoke, he realised the awful news about Lillian had vanquished his nerves and enabled him to talk to Jayne as if the years since they left school had never happened. Even in her fifties, she still wanted to backpack around India.

“I never did it. The lure of an engagement ring and the excitement of a big white wedding was a bigger attraction. Do you remember the royal wedding when we were eighteen, just before you went away? It stuck in my head as a fairy tale and probably made me hurry Carl up the aisle. I even tried to get a replica of Fergie’s dress but Mum made me see sense and get something a little less bouffant and more fitting for a small church.”

“You looked lovely. Dad showed me the photos when I was back from university.”

“You were invited to come to the wedding with him.”

“I know but . . .” The pain of watching the girl he loved marry another man would’ve been too great. He’d been in his final year and all that day he’d looked at his watch and imagined the service and the celebrations. He’d ended the night sitting under a table in the Students’ Union bar, completely blotto. His friends had had to get him home and onto his bed. He’d stayed in his room the whole of the next day, incapacitated both by the hangover and thoughts of Jayne on honeymoon with someone else. He vowed never to fall in love again. The humiliation and pain weren’t worth it. Given how his life had turned out, it hadn’t been difficult to keep that promise.

“Marrying Carl was the wrong decision.” She put a hand over his as he reached for his wine glass.

It made him jump first and then he relaxed into the pleasant sensation. His eyes met hers and he realised she was enjoying this as much as he was. Warmth spread through his body.

She spoke while holding his gaze. “Would you be willing for us to try again?”

Stuart hesitated. For years he’d hardened his heart towards her. Then she’d sought him out at the funeral. Lillian had produced her mobile number. Florence had been given the third degree. All this had melted the shell around his feelings, increased his confidence and made him believe a brighter future with Jayne at his side was possible. But the pain of that long-ago rejection was still vivid. He didn’t know if he’d survive it a second time.

“You don’t want to. I understand. This is embarrassing. Forget I ever said anything. Please.” The words were gabbled and hope had slipped from her face.

Stuart couldn’t bear the anguish that replaced it. She fiddled with her pendant.

“Yes. I would like us to try again.”

Wow, bro! That’s the most decisive you’ve been in years.

Stuart’s heart was racing. Jayne’s face was alight with pleasure and he had brought her that joy. She squeezed his hand and he telegraphed the same unspoken message back to her. He remembered the signals they’d sent to each other this way on the school bus, hands hidden beneath discarded blazers, and fizzed inside.

Jayne’s lasagne was sizzling in its dish when it arrived. There was an accompanying aroma of cheese, tomato sauce and, most importantly, garlic. Later, after they’d discussed everything from favourite books through the funding of care in later life to house prices, Jayne waved away the pudding menu and Stuart didn’t argue.

On the way home, they stopped, for old times’ sake, in the passageway just short of both their houses. Stuart recognised the thumping of his heart from the very first time they’d stopped here. Back then, like now, it felt like he’d been handed the most precious opportunity, but this time he wouldn’t let it slip through his fingers. Unbelievably, it seemed that Jayne felt the same way about him. They would be each other’s bright new future.

Jayne moved closer, her head tipped upwards, towards him. Stuart had only a split second of nerves before kissing her.

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