Page 24 of Past the Broken Bridges

No.

We spend the rest of the night watching each other instead of the two friends we brought along.

The tingling in my neck returns.

It’s getting harder to ignore.

Chapter Nine

Sawyer

Saturday morning, I’m grateful for three things—the cool tile floor in my bathroom, the toilet, and the aspirin that my neighbor made me take when he walked Dixie and me inside after dropping off a very drunk Dawson at his place downstairs.

Groaning, I peel my sweaty body off the floor and lean my back against the tub of the shower. I smell awful and feel worse. And I barely make it halfway to standing when I lurch forward, nearly missing the toilet when my stomach empties for what feels like the fiftieth time, getting puke in the ends of my hair that, thankfully, survived the night without the nightmarish outcomes that the dream version of me was terrified of.

It’s been a while since I vomited this violently. Since the first week of my last round of chemo, maybe? The nurses hook you up with the best drugs to make sure you aren’t throwing up your vital organs, but I guess colleges don’t pass those kinds of things out at the campus store.

“I’m never drinking again,” I moan, eyes blurring as I flush the toilet. I rinse out my mouth and brush my teeth, freezing when I see the blood I spit out with the toothpaste. I watch as the red-and-white foamy mixture swirls around the drain before disappearing altogether. Swallowing my panic, I put my toothbrush away and rinse again until everything comes back clear.

I cringe at how horrible I look in the mirror when I finally dare to lift my gaze. My wig has slipped, and the strands are so staticky that it definitely looks like I slept on the bathroom floor all night. My mascara is smeared under my bloodshot eyes, and my cheeks have little lines on them like they used to when I’d get sick during treatment. After washing off my makeup, I give myself one more once-over and realize it’s not going to get better than this.

Sighing, I peel my gaze away from the mirror and try pushing my sensitive gums to the back of my mind.

When I walk out of the bathroom, I see Dixie sitting cross-legged on the couch holding a Styrofoam cup in her hands. “Oh my God, is that coffee?” I ask.

She points to a to-go container on the table with a second cup resting in the holder. “Banks dropped them off a little while ago. It should still be warm. He’d said we’d need them. And these.”

Out of nowhere, she produces a bottle of Advil. Banks did that? “That was nice of him,” I murmur in surprise, catching the bottle and dumping two pills into my palm. When he stood outside the door last night with Dawson, my heart did a little tap dance in my chest. I’d already looked forward to going out, but I was more than happy to learn he was coming with us. Especially since he’s like a ghost around here; the only sounds I hear are his footsteps in the night.

“How do you look so good?” I ask the girl who looks like she’s been awake for hours. I’m pretty sure she had more than me when Dawson suggested tequila shots. Banks and I said no, so they did two each. I could tell Banks wasn’t happy, but I chalked it up to having to DD three drunken idiots home when he only had one beer, a soda, and some water the whole night. “Did you switch to water last night and not tell me? I feel like trash, and you look fine.”

Dixie wiggles her cup. “It’s not my first rodeo. My freshman year was a little wild since it was my first taste of freedom away from my family, so I built up a tolerance. Plus, I’m running on a high. You know how I got Dawson’s number the other day? He texted me this morning saying he had a lot of fun last night.”

I perk up. “I told you he wouldn’t be able to resist when he saw your legs in that skirt. You should keep it, by the way. It looks better on you than on my chicken legs.”

I don’t remember when I bought it, but it was long before I shed the weight my last round of treatment took from me. Most of my wardrobe didn’t fit after, leaving me in leggings, tees, and a few odds and ends that didn’t make it look like I was wearing a potato sack. Mom took me on a shopping spree for new clothes before coming here so I could use the going-away money the women at the cancer ward raised for me. It was a substantial amount for people who had their own families to feed. I tucked some of it away and spent a lot of it on things that made me feel confident in my skin again.

The leather skirt was the only thing left hanging from the old version of me, and I decided to shove it into my overfull suitcase last minute and bring it with me just in case I wanted to dress up here. It feels right to give it to someone who could use it more.

“I’m pretty sure Banks and I had to pry you two off the dance floor when they were doing last call,” I tease, pushing my thoughts away.

She bites her lip to try hiding her smile, but I see it. “I’m glad you convinced me to go. I had more fun than I thought I would. And Banks seems nice.”

Nice.When I told her about the taco incident, she thought it was funny. Maybe if he hadn’t paid me back for the stolen goods, I wouldn’t have seen him as anything other than a prick. But I already used my ten-percent-off coupon to get a replacement wrap, thinking about how Banks all but called me a Yankee for choosing Taco Bell over the local restaurants.

“I guess so,” I answer half-heartedly, although it’s too soon to tell if that’s really the truth.

Dixie watches me carefully. “Do you two not get along? He seemed okay with you last night. Most guys don’t help people when they’re drunk if they don’t at least tolerate them.”

I have no reason not to like him. In fact, I don’t dislike him. “We don’t really talk. I was surprised that he even came.”

“But you’re neighbors.”

“He probably has a girlfriend who occupies his time because I don’t see him around much” is my reasoning, hoping the shrug emphasizes that I wouldn’t care either way.

Dixie hums, sipping her coffee.

“Is it obvious I don’t drink often?” I ask, grabbing the coffee in the holder and sitting on the opposite end of the couch. It smells delicious, easing the slight pounding sensation in my temples but not necessarily settling my achy stomach.

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