Page 117 of Past the Broken Bridges

But that takes time.

Day by day.

Choice by choice.

“This,” I finally say, pulling her close and biting back the pain that comes from another person’s weight against my side. “This is what I want.”

Her eyes peek up at me once, studying me, her lips tilting downward at what she sees, before she nods.

We spend the rest of the night curled into each other on the couch, silence blanketing us. I endure the pain as she fallsasleep, the air thick with the truth that I can tell she hasn’t swallowed fully yet.

Putting an arm around her, I settle in as best as I can until sleep finds me too.

It’s dreamless.

When I wake up on the couch, she’s not there.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Sawyer

Drawing my knees up to my chest in the dewy grass I’ve been sitting in for two hours, I wrap my arms around my legs and let the gaping hole in my chest take over. I don’t know which park I wandered to or how long it took to get here, but the sun was in full force by the time I found a shady spot under a tree off the walking trail with few to no people around.

The entire time, I can only think of one thing.

He says I’m his peace.

But he has no idea how wrong he is.

I’ll be his devastation.

Swallowing, I suddenly feel hatred rise from the deepest pits of my stomach. When I came here, it was for me. To find happiness. To find freedom. To find myownpeace.

My bridge.

Myself.

I never wanted to drag anybody else into the hurricane of chaos that I’m in the center of. All because of a list. All to feel like I’d accomplished something before…

Tears well at the backs of my eyes, burning them until hotness sweeps over my skin. “I’m sorry,” I whisper aloud, not sure who it is I’m talking to.

In this moment, I wish my mother were here.

I wish I’d never left New York.

I wish I’d never needed to come on this journey to begin with.

Those hot tears spring from my eyes, and I grab my phone, hands shaking as I pull up my contacts.

Sniffling, I stare at my father’s name and think about Banks and his heartbreaking admission. I’ve been so lucky to have such amazing parents, but not everybody is as lucky.

The people who are most deserving of happiness in life seem to be the ones who suffer the most trying to obtain it.

My father picks up on the first ring. “What’s wrong, Sawyer? Do you need something? Are you okay?”

For a moment, my words get stuck in my throat, choking me. Lip quivering, I suck in a harsh breath and force out, “N-No. I need you. And I d-don’t know where I am.”

I hear his keys in the background. “Make sure your location is on and I’ll come to you. Stay right where you are.”

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