Page 3 of Deal Takers

“Mr. Harris, I wasn’t staring.”Yes, I was. “I was examining you from a strictly professional standpoint. Now please tell me, what brings you in this evening?”

He nods toward his d…er, penis. “A buddy of mine suggested I try some of his Viagra as a booster for this…date I had earlier this evening. Trust me when I say I’ve donemore than enoughto make it go down.”

“How long have you had the erection?”

He looks at the clock on the wall. “A little over nine hours now.”

His penis jumps as I come closer. “May I? I need to take your vitals and examine you which will require some brief touching.”

“Go to town,” he mutters. “I don’t think this could get any more awkward.”

I take his temp, blood pressure, and pulse ox, then chart his results before moving onto the physical inspection. I try ignoring his reaction, but it’s a bit difficult when he’s repeatedly groaning and pulsing while my face is practically in his lap. I finish the exam as quickly as possible and throw my gloves in the trash right as Dr. Sexy Pants, a.k.a. Adam Walker, steps into the room.

“Good evening, I’m Dr. Walker. Rainey, what do we have here?”

“This is Brody Harris. Twenty-three-years in age, experiencing an erection lasting over nine hours after sampling a friend’s Viagra. Otherwise healthy. Temp is 98.6, and BP is 112 over 70.”

He briefly inspects the patient before removing his gloves. “Well, the good news is that it doesn’t look too serious…probably just a standard case of priapism. You’ll need some ointment for the skin irritation, but a dose of pseudoephedrine should clear up the rest. We’ll need to run a few tests first, but if all goes as expected, we should have you out of here pretty soon.”

“Pseudoephedrine?” he shrieks. “Are you seriously telling me I could’ve taken some Sudafed and avoided this trip altogether?”

“Mr. Harris, you did the right thing by coming in,” Adam assures him. “This could have been more serious. But yes, the pseudoephedrine exerts a constriction effect that will, in turn, facilitate venous outflow.”

“Could you try that in English, Doc?”

Adam smiles. “Simply put, it will return the blood flow back to normal places.” He turns toward me. “Rainey, order a CBC and a PBG. Doctor Andrews is the urologist on call tonight, so I’ll consult with her to determine if we should aspirate the penis.”

“What the hell does that mean?” Mr. Harris asks.

“We would remove a small amount of blood from the penile area with a needle. We’d use a local anesthetic, so the pain should be minimal,” Adam explains.

His hands fly over his crotch. “You are not getting near my dick with a needle!”

Adam types some notes into the chart. “Mr. Harris, if it’s necessary, I assure you, we’ll make you as comfortable as possible.”

“Easy for you to say,” the patient mutters. “You’re not the one getting a needle in your Johnson.”

I bite my tongue to conceal my laughter. “I’ll get right on those labs, Dr. Walker.” Jesus, I have to get out of this room before I lose it.

“Great,” he replies. “If those confirm the low-flow diagnosis, Mr. Harris should be ready for discharge shortly after receiving meds.”

I ready the blood draw supplies while Adam gives the patient a brief lecture on avoiding other people’s prescriptionsand answers a few of his questions. “I’ll see you for thatmeetinglater, Rainey,” he says with a wink before leaving the room to consult with his colleague.

I turn my face to hide my blush. Adam is the resident silver fox in this hospital, and I am not immune.

“Was that guy really flirting with you in the middle of my dick crisis?”

“That was not flirting,” I lie.

“Oh, see you at the meeting, Rainey. Wink! Wink!”he mocks.

I roll my eyes. “He’s practically old enough to be my father.”

“Ha! Like that would stop him. Have you seen you?”

Okay, confession time. As of last weekend, Dr. Sexy Pants is actually my fiancé. Why are we acting like we barely know each other, you ask? Well, because his ex-wife happens to be the head nurse of Labor & Delivery. At this hospital. If you haven’t figured it out yet, that makes hermyboss. According to Adam, their divorce was really nasty because she didn’t want it to happen. He insists she’d do everything she could get away with to punish me for being with him. She’s a bit older than he is, and rumor has it she’s retiring early, so the secrecy is only temporary. My coworkers know I’m engaged to a man named Adam…they just don’t knowwhichAdam. I love working at this hospital, so I’m running with it for now. I get to be with this amazing guy and have a drama-free workplace. It’s a win-win in my book.

I ignore Mr. Harris’s question, grab another sheet from the cabinet, and pass it to him. “Here, you might want this, so you don’t get a chill while you wait.”

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