Page 84 of What Doesn't Kill Her

“Oh. That. It took a cleaning lady to say, ‘How come she hasn’t had a period?’”

Kellen began to comprehend that chaos and emotional turmoil Max must have felt. “How many months along...?”

“Almost five months. Rae was tiny. She’d had a traumatic first few months in the womb. Once the cleaning lady said her piece, I saw the baby bump and it was like—how could I have been so blind?” He was angry, at himself, at the world. “I’d spent hours with you, days and weeks, and I hadn’t noticed.”

“How could thedoctorshave been so blind?”

“There is that.”

The lid rattled on the pan on the stove.

He leaped up to give the pot a stir, then returned to bed. This time, he sat on the edge of the mattress as if he could no longer relax, as if this story required him to be alert. “They did all the tests, ultrasounds, everything, and at five months, Rae was racing to catch up developmentally. She was doing well, and the doctors...they theorized that the pregnancy hormones were so powerful that they were the agents that repaired the damage in your brain.”

“So you knew I was going to wake up?”

“No! No. The monitors detected brain activity but it’s a long way from a few sparks to walking and talking and...you’re a miracle.” Max had a way of looking at her as if shewasa miracle, one he loved and appreciated.

He made her take deep breaths, feel the warmth. “What about Rae?”

“It was now a balancing act. We wanted to save Rae—”

“Of course.” Kellen understood that. She was glad of that.

“The medical team wanted to keep her in the womb until she was at least seven months along and had the best chance of survival. Then they would take her by C-section.”

Kellen put her hand on her belly. She had no scar.

“The team kept telling me Rae was normal, and I could see in the ultrasound she was active and... I was hopeful and broken at the same time. Then.” He shook off her hand and walked to the window and looked out.

“Then?”

“They had monitors on you all the time. Monitors all over. I didn’t understand... I mean, maybe they told me, but they told me so many things and I was... They weren’t monitoring you for labor. They didn’t realize you were in labor until my mother was watching the fluctuations in your blood pressure and said, ‘That’s it!’ By that time, they couldn’t do a cesarean. Rae was in the birth canal.” His voice grew thick with emotion. “I thought I was going to lose you both.”

“I’m sorry.” Kellen wasn’t apologizing, but offering her sympathy.

“The doctor didn’t get there in time to catch the baby. Your nurse delivered her. She handed Rae to me in a towel. You can’t comprehend how tiny she was, and she opened her eyes and...” He turned to face Kellen and put his hand on his heart.

Kellen felt tears welling. He had been so alone.

Then, with Rae, he wasn’t.

“The first time I held that baby, we bonded. The months after her birth were... My God. There weren’t enough hours in the day, enough days in the week. Every minute was claimed. I should be with Rae, I should be with you. The court case against my sister’s husband was ongoing. Then he committed suicide and the death made news. After realizing that the city hospital didn’t have the resources to care for a comatose woman, not even to realize she was in labor, I had you moved to a private hospital. You had twenty-four-hour care. You were never alone...except that time when you woke up.”

She nodded.

“Meanwhile, Rae was in an incubator for two and a half months. I was there every day for hours, holding her, feeding her, making sure she was cared for. When I wasn’t there, my mother and sisters took turns. I was so afraid she would die, but she was a miracle baby. At last, she came home, and I discovered what being a single parent meant. My family helped so much, but a baby is a full-time job!” He looked helpless, as if the mere memory stripped him of strength. “She had to be fed all the time, then she got colic and cried for months. I wanted to bring her in to see you, to put her in your arms so you’d know, somehow, that you had given birth to a wonderful healthy baby girl.”

Kellen didn’t point out that a wakeful colicky baby didn’t sound so wonderful to her.

Max paced toward her as if he couldn’t stay away. “I feared to take her into the hospital. Private or not, infections and illnesses were rife.”

“I understand.”

“One day, you were gone. Security video showed you waking, struggling to your feet, getting dressed... You’d been showing signs of waking, and we were hopeful. But my God, to come out of a coma and leave? The medical establishment was amazed.” His beautiful brown eyes grew dark and muddy. “I was livid.”

She could believe it, looking at him now as he stood by her bed, his cheeks red and flushed, and his fists clenching. She put her hand over one of his. “I’m sorry. When I woke, I thought... I thought I was in an asylum.” That she remembered all too clearly: her panic, her desperate need to escape.

“You should have had someone with you at all times. You were supposed to have someone with you.” He turned his hand in hers, grasped her fingers. “If I hadn’t seen the security footage that proved you were alone for less than fifteen minutes, I would have sued them... I should have sued them, but I didn’t want to destroy that young woman’s life.”

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