Page 36 of Final Cost

“You think it was easy? You think I wanted to do it? Don’t you think I felt like I was dying? Like I’d rather die than push away the one person I need to live?”

“Maybe, but you did it anyway, didn’t you?”

“Yeah. Because I’m nothing. You’re everything. My feelings don’t matter. I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you’re safe—especially after the fire. And if that means sacrificing my own happiness, I’m glad to do it. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

“What do you want, Lucien?” I sound strangled now. “A round of applause for your nobility? A medal? A parade in your honor? Well, I don’t forgive you! Fuck you!”

“Understood,” he says lightly. Too lightly. I sense a trap. “But I have a question for you: what would you have done if Ravenna tried to kill me? What wouldyouhave done to protectme?”

I stiffen, a sudden red haze descending on my vision. My inner Incredible Hulk wakes up and begins destroying everything in sight. I don’t manage to say any words, but I suspect that the way I’m suddenly curling my lips and in danger of baring my teeth says it all.

“That’s what I thought,” he says, and I hate him anew for it. He doesn’t seem triumphant. He just seems certain. And that’s bad enough.

I gesture toward the door, but it suddenly seems very far away and I have no confidence that my wobbly legs will get me there. “You wanted to get rid of me, you got rid of me. I’m only back temporarily. Are we done? I’m all talked out.” I take off without waiting for an answer, but he hurries around me, blocking me.

“We arenotdone talking. And we arenotover. Ravenna’s dead now. If I can keep myself out of prison, there’s no reason why you and I can’t be together.”

“No reason?” A burble of hysteria erupts, making me laugh shrilly. But there’s also a sob inside there somewhere. “No reason? Thereisa reason. You’re a liar, a manipulator and now also apparently a stalker, and I don’t trust you. Plus, it looks like youareabout to be arrested for murdering your wife. You want a reason why we can’t be together? Pick one.”

He recoils as though I just spat on him. And it’s funny how one second ago I lashed out, wanting to hurt him, but now I want to take it all back if it will wipe that desolation off his face.

“I’m not saying I’m a prize,” he says quietly, coming even closer. “But we’re good together when we’re not dealing with all this other bullshit. We still love each other. And you and I both know this isn’t over. Tell me I’m wrong.”

We stare at each other. His gaze is hot. Hard. Searching. As vulnerable as I feel.

I turn away, shaking my head and dropping onto the sofa because he’s far too close and his eyes always see too much. They always zero in on the one thing I want to hide from him with the unerring accuracy of a heat seeking missile.

“Leave me alone, Lucien,” I say, still shaking my head as I press a hand to my chest. Because now, on top of every other fucking thing, I can’t quite catch my breath. “Why can’t you just leave me alone?Please. Can’t you see I can’t breathe?”

I think it’s a reasonable request, but Lucien the Merciless swoops in to take advantage of my weakness. Once again, he’s right there in my face, dropping to his knees in front of me and caging me by planting his hands on the cushions on either side of me.

“I’m sorry.” I’m not prepared for the raw anguish in his voice or the turbulence in his eyes. “I’msorry. But you have to forgive me.”

“Idon’tforgive you,” I say, but I’m the liar now. Because part of my brain — the foolish part — is now standing in front of a white board drawing arrows and making calculations, trying to arrange things in a way that maybe this all makes sense. Maybe hediddo it to protect me. Maybe thereisno reason why we can’t be together now. Maybe itwouldbe safe to trust him again. Just this once. And I don’t want to be stupid here, but his hands have moved to my hips and he’s even closer, his face hovering a hair’s breadth from mine. “Only a fool would forgive you.”

“We can’t keep up like this, Tamsyn. It’s unnatural. We both know it. I’m on my knees.Please.”

He’s angling his mouth over mine now, his hands gliding up to cup my face as his fingers curl deep into my hair. In all the heat and emotion, with desire spiraling lower and my chin tipping up by itself, there’s no room for my rule about not kissing him. Worse, there’s no energy for me to keep blocking the door to keep him out of my heart.

“Why should I give you another chance? What would ever make you think that I would?”

“Because.” It takes him great effort to get the words out. When he does, I can barely hear his hoarse voice. “I have all the privilege in the world. But I’ve never been happier than I am when you smile at me. Just a random smile on a regular day is all I need. But Ineedit. So the next time you think there’s a power imbalance between us, remember that.”

Oh, God. I shake my head, my heart stuttering and stalling out. “Lucien…”

“And I plan to make it my life’s work to get you to smile at me every day.”

The worst part about this pretty speech is that he looks like he means every word. And it doesn’t matter whether I want to believe him or not. I just do.

I don’t know who moves first. But suddenly my hands are on his face and I’m slowly pulling him in. Our mouths come together in one lush nuzzle. One perfectly timed mutual sweep of tongues. And then he’s making a broken noise of relief — of triumph and joy — and we’re right back where we were, wrapped up in each other as though there was never any interruption. Could never be another interruption.

I taste tears. I suspect that they’re mine but I can’t swear that none are his. I revel in the salty taste and the sweet release. I want to keep kissing him exactly like this. To die like this. But it’s hard to kiss and smile and my smile cannot be stopped. When he pauses and I see the wonder in his shining eyes — the absolute adoration — I know I’ve made the right decision.

A startled laugh from him in response, swiftly replaced by a sweeping look of illicit purpose as he reaches for the bodice of today’s little sundress and rips it open down the middle with a loud tearing sound that’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard.

We come together hard, all frantic heat. He yanks my strapless bra down and roughly runs his hands over my bare breasts. My hips. My thighs. He presses me onto my back, wedging himself between my spreading thighs and looming over me as my poor panties die the same death as my dress and get tossed aside. I start to reach for his jacket so I can push it off his shoulders, but there’s no time for that. No need. I don’t need his jacket off for him to fuck me and neither of us can wait.

“Hurry,” I say, reaching for his buckle and cocking my hips for him. “Don’t make me wait.”

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