Page 23 of Final Cost

But he surprises me by swinging into the saddle behind me once he unties Orion’s reins, putting them in my hands and making sure I’ve got the grip right. And you know what? I take them. “You’re in charge,” he says quietly.

“Good.” I sit up straighter. I hold my hand out and demand more. “I need the crop, don’t I?”

He spins it around and plants in my hand without a word, allowing both of us to pretend I know what the hell I’m supposed to do with the thing.

Then he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me back against the solid expanse of his torso, and it’s kind of fun to pretend it’s comfortable and emotionally safe there even though I know it’s not. He makes his horse noise and clicks his heels and we’re off again, Orion steered more by his natural instincts and the secret cues that Lucien gives him behind me than any newfound equestrian skills from me. I stiffen my posture, trying to move with the horse rather than with Lucien. I strain away from Lucien and his rigid erection as best I can, but my body is weak and we both proved it back there under that willow tree. Worse, he doesn’t make it easy for me, running his hands up and down my flexing thighs, nuzzling the sweet spot where my neck meets my shoulder and helping himself to my breasts and my belly and all of me he can reach.

And I don’t stop him. I hate him, but I don’t stop him.

“You’re in charge,” he says again, his voice just loud enough for me to hear over the rush of wind in my ears. “But I want you back.”

That’s when I feel it. A healthy dose of unease. Because he sounds like he means it. And my will has never stood a chance when it’s up againsthiswill. Especially when he’s offering me something I want or need. God knows I want his groveling apology for the way he ripped my heart out. I need to hear his explanation for what he did. I want him to give me a graceful way off this playing field so I don’t have to try to hate him forever. But—what then? I forgive him and we resume our lives with me praying he never does it again? The thought makes me shudder. No. It’s not happening. I don’t trust my judgment where he’s concerned. Nor do I trust myself not to burst into ugly sobbing if we go much further down this path. “This is sex. Everyone knows that sex doesn’t have to mean a thing. Don’t make it more than it is.”

“Lie to yourself if you want to,” he says, his lips brushing my ear. “You can’t lie to me.”

My heart sinks until it feels as though it’s resting hard in the pit of my stomach and I pull away from him. He withdraws his hands and we ride the rest of the way in silence, thank goodness. When we reach the house, Lucien starts to guide Orion to the path in front of the front door to drop me off where he picked me up, but I tighten my grip on the reins and steer him over to the garage, stopping in front of the keypad. Then I swing down by myself and stare up at Lucien with all the icy defiance inside of me. Which is a lot.

“What’s the code?” I say.

He tells me.

I punch it in, standing back when the door swings up. Then I walk inside, making a show surveying all his precious luxury cars. By the time I swing my attention back around to him, he’s swung down from the horse and is watching me closely.

“Something you need, Mrs. Scott?”

“I’m taking the Range Rover into the city for the day tomorrow.” I don’t mention where I think I’m going to go with his fancy car — I have no fucking idea, to be honest — but that’s not the point, and we both know it. “By myself.”

There’s a pause during which I’m sure he battles his protective demons. “As long as you come back.”

I nod, satisfied, and start to walk off. But he calls after me.

“I’m also going into the city tomorrow. To the office. You could stop by. See it.”

I freeze. This is one of the most insidious things about Lucien. The thing that most gets under my skin. Heneverlets me have a win. He dangles these endless temptations in front of me (I’m dying to see his office; of course I am) and uses my own obsession with him against me.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be free of him. But I need to keep trying even if I can’t force myself to give him an outrightnoon this one. Or anything else, evidently.

“We’ll see,” I say, continuing my way.

He lets me go for once. After a beat or two, I hear the creak of the saddle as he mounts Orion again followed by Orion’s swift hooves as he sets off. But even this tiny getaway is ruined when I slip into the cool confines of the house and immediately run into Roman, whose swift shocked gaze runs over me and reveals that he sees me as exactly what I am. A woman with high color, erect nipples and a dress with a skirt that’s been wrinkled beyond all recognition. A woman who’s been fucked to within an inch of her life despite having been brutally dumped a few days ago. And it’s not that I care about Roman’s moral judgments as I scurry up to my bedroom with my head down. He’s a man who has sex with women he pays for the pleasure. Fuck him.

It’s just that I can’t stand for anyone else to see me in this dark moment when I hate the weakness in myself a million times worse than I could ever hate Lucien.

11

Lucien

“Lucien? Are you with me?”

I glance around at my lawyer, startled and frankly annoyed by the sound of his voice interrupting my thoughts of yesterday’s horseback riding interlude. I’mnotwith him. Although my body and brain are present and accounted for as we speed along Madison Avenue in the back of my chauffeured car, my thoughts are filled with images of Tamsyn and her cries of ecstasy as I went down on her. On the slickly delicious taste of her—fresh oysters and aroused woman. On the thrilling revelation that she’s notquiteas immune to me as she’d like to be.

Oh, yes. Despite everything, I got some good news yesterday, didn’t I?

Still, it’s unreasonable of me to expect the rest of the world to go fuck itself while I wallow in precious memories. Niceties must be observed. “I’m with you.”

“Good,” Gray says. “Like I said, police investigations can take a while. Especially now that Winwood did you the favor of taking off with the security tapes and making himself the focus of interest. Now the immediate heat is off you. But we can’t get complacent.”

“Right,” I say.

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