Page 18 of Burly and Rugged

Jax looks from me to Cody and back to me, turning his head toward the woman who steps into the room. Jax’s face lights up as he introduces her as Leesa, his fiancée.

“I thought I heard voices out here. How do you do?” she asks, her smile warm and inviting as she shakes my hand. “Can I get you anything? Coffee? A sandwich?”

I smile at her warmth and generosity. Coffee or a sandwich would be amazing, but with the vibe the way it is with Cody right now, I’m more interested in putting some distance between us and getting home.

“No, thank you. I’d love to, but I should head home before it gets too late.”

Leesa returns to stand by Jax, smiling as she leans into him. Jax shifts slightly, wrapping an arm around her waist possessively. Leesa looks up at him and beams.

The moment hits me harder than I expected.

It’s a simple thing. But it reminds me of the love I yearn for and how I thought I might have that kind of connection with Cody. I know it would be most direct to just ask him about what happened and why he’s being distant, but my pride is getting in the way. If I have to hear, “You’re a great girl, Lindy, but…” again, I might die—especially coming from Cody.

But now I’m convinced I misread everything that happened between us. I grab my pack as I say my goodbyes, then head out to my car.

Cody walks me outside and it’s awkward as hell. He stands a few steps away as I put my pack in the trunk, and he watches me likethis is just another day. Like I’m just another client packing up and heading back to real life.

I hesitate. Just for a second.

If he asked me to stay—even for another day, another hour, forever—I would.

I should say something else. He should say something.

But neither of us does.

Heartache lances through me, and I push my feelings down. I thought there was something real between us. I thought the way he kissed me, the way he held me that night, making love to me under the stars—I thought it meant something.

Clearly, I was wrong. This is yet another misjudgment to add to the growing list of men I’ve been mistaken about.

The thought stings because Cody wasn’t supposed to be like the others. He wasn’t supposed to be another mistake.

The moment I step into my apartment, sadness overcomes me. I went on the survival course to prove something to myself by doing something completely out of my comfort zone. I never expected to enjoy it. I certainly didn’t expect to leave a piece of my heart behind with Cody.

Tears prick at my eyes, but I shake myself. No. If he wanted something, he would have stopped me from leaving.

When I finally get home, I should feel comfortable, but my apartment just feels empty. It’s the same space I left a week ago—clean, everything the same as when I left. The throw blanket bunched up on my corner of the couch. The dishes on the rack by the sink.

After I take a long, hot shower, I drop my backpack by my washing machine and start unloading my laundry into the machine. The scent of campfire smoke floats around me, and I close my eyes as I inhale the now-familiar scent.

It smells like Cody.

I press my lips together and chastise myself. Don’t do this. Don’t make it something it wasn’t. Don’t torture yourself thinking about What Ifs.

With the wash running, I pull my phone from my bag and plug it in by the kitchen counter. It vibrates immediately, buzzing with notifications. Missed texts, voicemails, emails.

I scroll through the messages, barely reading them. I pause when I see a text from my best friend.

Rebecca:You back yet? Ready to celebrate?

I hesitate, my fingers hovering over the keyboard.

Am I ready to celebrate?

I don’t think celebrate is the right word, but getting out of this apartment and getting out of my head is what I need right now.

Me:Yeah. Let’s meet up at Uncle Joe’s.

An hour later, I’m stirring a vodka tonic with my straw while Rebecca chatters excitedly across from me. She’s been talking for the last ten minutes—about work, a new Pilates class she’s trying, and how proud she is of me for doing the survival course.

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