Page 8 of Against the Current

She hoped she’d be ready and wouldn’t feel too spiteful when it happened.

Under her breath, she said, “I don’t want to be like my mother.”

“What, honey?” Josh murmured, half asleep.

Jackie spread her palm out on Josh’s back and whispered, “Nothing, honey. I love you.”

Her love for Josh spread through every limb in her body. It lined her fingers. It defined her life.

Chapter Four

June 2010 - Nantucket Island

In the wake of the final “I do’s,” Jackie successfully avoided her mother. There was too much pomp and circumstance, too many glasses of champagne to drink, too many people to hug and hug again. Wasn’t it so exciting? Weren’t they just a perfect couple? These were the things you said at weddings—regardless of the circumstances.

Jackie wanted to soak up the day. After photographs, she cornered Ryan and hugged him tightly, whispering, “You will be a wonderful husband and father. I love you.” Ryan got so choked up after that that he excused himself to the bathroom, saying, “I don’t want to embarrass myself too much in front of Trisha’s father!”

His absence left Jackie and Trisha alone on a long stretch of beach. The breeze fluttered through Trisha’s pretty dark hair, and she smiled nervously and touched the thin strap of her dress. Suddenly, at that moment, it felt as though Trisha wantedto ask Jackie why she wasn’t fully accepted into the Sutton family; why it had always been strange between them.

How could Jackie respond?We want the world for our son. We want the world for our grandchildren. We’re worried. That’s all.

But as though to answer a question she still hadn’t verbalized, Trisha’s mother, Rhonda, soon stormed up to them, swaying drunkenly and talking about how she’d knocked a vase off a low shelf inside the Sutton Estate.

Trisha’s face was etched with embarrassment. “I’m sure it’s all right, Momma.” She searched Jackie for some sign that it was okay.

Jackie immediately thought of her mother, of how evil she could get when things went wrong. She considered asking Rhonda which vase, exactly, it was. In the Sutton family, that kind of thing mattered.

But before she could, Rhonda reached over and took Jackie’s hand. “We’re family now, Suttons!” she cried. “I wonder if you’ll invite us to your swanky Christmas parties now?”

Jackie could have melted with embarrassment. Trisha’s cheeks were bright red.

“I reckon the old grandmother wouldn’t allow that,” Trisha’s mother said, laughing. “She looks at me like I’m something she wants to throw out. Oh, but I want to tell her what I know for sure.” Rhonda raised her chin. “Ryan and Trisha’s children will love me to pieces. And they won’t love Ms. Dana Sutton. No sirree. Because she isn’t capable of love.”

The words hit Jackie like a smack.

“Are you capable of love, Jackie?” Rhonda asked.

Jackie’s mouth was dry. Slowly, she cupped her elbows and turned back toward the house. Ryan was nowhere in sight.

“I think we’d better get back to the party,” Jackie suggested. Her voice was like a string.

“That sounds good,” Trisha said. “Momma, you ready?”

“Let’s go eat more of that food, honey. This is a party like we’ve never seen. We won’t get invited to another one. Not if I know these Suttons. And I think I do.” The hardness of Rhonda’s voice cut Jackie to the bone.

Back at the reception, Jackie fell in line with Josh and took his hand. Josh was chatting exuberantly with Trisha’s father, a guy named Tommy.

“Tommy’s done some contractor work, too!” Josh announced. “We might try to work together sometime. Isn’t that great?”

Jackie willed herself not to wince. “That’s great. Wow.”

“We’re family now,” Tommy announced, raising his glass.

Jackie imagined telling her mother that Josh and Tommy were working together. She imagined the look on her mother’s face.

Not long after that, the dancing began. Jackie and Josh sat at a table with Dana and Jeremy and Josh’s parents, watching as Trisha and Ryan shared their first dance as a married couple. The song they’d chosen was by Alicia Keys, one Jackie knew Dana didn’t approve of. She’d asked why they couldn’t pick something more practical, more of a classic. But Jackie had put her foot down—yet again—reminding her mother that Ryan and Trisha were the ones getting married, not Dana.

After that, Jackie was invited to the floor to dance with her son. They’d chosen “In My Life” by the Beatles, and tears filled Jackie’s eyes as they swayed.

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