Page 22 of Against the Current

But finally they were on the ferry back to the island. Ryan felt a jolt of pride when Nantucket appeared on the horizon, and he pointed for his children to see, explaining that that was their new home, their new world. Chicago was in the past. “In the summertime, it’s a dream,” he explained. “We’ll go swimming every day. We’ll eat seafood. We’ll go sailing.”

“Will you teach us to sail?” Gavin asked, his eyes suspicious. Because he was the oldest sibling, he’d given up the most in leaving Chicago. He’d even had a girlfriend—his first—and he’d written her a song before they’d gone, which he’d performed exactly once for Trisha to get her approval. Of the song, Trisha had told Ryan it was perfect. We had ourselves a singer-songwriter. Trisha hadn’t looked Ryan in the eye when she’d said that, either. She hated dragging Gavin away from his “first love.”

Ryan wasn’t sure it was possible to fall in love at thirteen. But what did he know?

But now Ryan told his children, “Your mother and I were born here. But soon, the three of you will know it like the back of your hand.” He ruffled Rudy’s hair.

Trisha was already waiting in her car when the ferry pulled up. To combat the sparkling sunlight on the snow drifts, she wore sunglasses, a cheap pair she’d bought at Target. Ryan was sure his mother would immediately recognize just how inexpensive they were. He was sure Jackie would cast her judgment. But they didn’t have plans to see Jackie and Josh till tomorrow. Ryan had asked his parents for “a day to themselves” before they gathered together. It was a lot to move back. It was an emotional mountain.

His parents understood. So much had happened. So much was about to happen. They needed to take a breath.

For reasons unclear to Ryan, all three of his children wanted to ride with him rather than their mother on the drive to their new home. Perhaps to match Ryan’s anticipation and fear, Willa, Gavin, and Rudy were quiet on the drive from the harbor to the Sutton Estate.

Trisha beat them to the house and stood beside her red Chevy as they pulled up. Behind her sunglasses, Ryan was pretty sure Trisha was crying. He hadn’t asked yet if she planned to meet up with her family soon. He wasn’t even sure if she’d kept in contact with them over the years. Why hadn’t he asked? Why hadn’t she brought it up? Marriage was a balancing act of what you could say and what you couldn’t.

He wanted to respect her wishes and her privacy. But he wanted to know her, too. Couldn’t he have both?

The moving van that had carried their belongings all the way to Nantucket was already there. The back was open, and three men in uniforms were carrying boxes up to the front porch, waiting for Ryan to unlock the door.

“Is this our new house?” Gavin asked in shock.

“It’s huge!” Rudy cried.

“Wow,” Willa breathed.

Trisha remained quiet. Why did she have to be so resentful? It was an empty house. It was far better than that shack they’d taken up back in Chicago. It probably didn’t have leaky ceilings and bad drafts and terrible-tasting water. It had one of the best views of the Nantucket Sound on the entire island. And it was theirs—at least for now. Couldn’t she be grateful?

Ryan swallowed his annoyance and fixed his smile for the movers, removing the key from its hiding place and opening the front door. He instructed the movers to put the boxes in the living room and dining room, then went outside to fetch his family. Rudy and Gavin were already out of the car, running through the snow-covered lawn, while Willa hung back,grinning. Trisha removed suitcases from her trunk and marched past him.

Ryan called after her, “I was thinking I could order a pizza while we settle in?”

“Whatever you want,” Trisha barked back.

Implied in her tone wasit’s always whatever you want, isn’t it, Ryan?

Ryan felt it like a smack.

Ryan was surprised and pleased to see that his mother had stocked the kitchen for their arrival. There were plenty of snacks for the kids—healthy as well as unhealthy ones because Jackie remembered what it was like to take care of young children. Sometimes it was just about getting them to eat something—plus vegetables and fruits and whole-grain bread and cereal. There was even a bottle of wine with a note that said “Welcome Home.” The sight of Ryan’s mother’s handwriting after so many years choked him up, and he clung to the edge of the kitchen counter and tried to stabilize himself.

“That’s it!” one of the movers called from the foyer.

Ryan went out to give them a tip and thank them. After that, they drove away and left Ryan and Trisha at the Sutton Estate—so many miles from their “home,” yet ironically, only a few miles from both of their parents.

Ryan made everyone mugs of hot cocoa, and Trisha turned up the heat. There was a television already set with kids’ channels, and Trisha put that on so the children could relax after the difficult journey. When the pizza arrived, the five of them sat at the kitchen table as Gavin and Rudy made up stupid stories and made Ryan laugh. Only Trisha looked strained.

After that, Ryan asked the kids to pick their bedrooms, taking pleasure in watching them run from room to room, calling out, “Mine!” Trisha remained downstairs, nursing a glass ofred wine. When Ryan found her again, he wanted to demand something more from her. But what?

Finally, Ryan hung his head in the doorway to the kitchen and asked, “Can I do anything to make you happy?”

He knew it was the wrong question immediately. Trisha erupted from her chair and gaped at him.

“I mean…” Ryan hurried to fix it. “I’m sorry. That came out wrong.”

Trisha blinked at him so many times that Ryan guessed she was on the verge of tears.

It was only six in the evening on their first day back in Nantucket, and Ryan was already worried they were on the brink of divorce.

“I might drive into town,” Ryan said, deciding to give her a little space. “Do you need anything from the store?”

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