Page 17 of Against the Current

“I’m going to look for another one,” Jackie said. “We’re going to get another opinion.”

Josh got his keys from his pocket and looked down at them, sparkling on his palm. Jackie understood his expression; it was one of hesitance and fear.

He wants me to think it over.

Jackie closed her eyes. “Just say it. You think she’s right.”

Josh unlocked the car and got into the driver’s seat. Jackie followed him and watched his capable hands as he backed them out of the lot and got on the road.

“Jackie, you’ve been miserable for the past few years,” Josh said finally. “With my injuries, I can’t do much in the way of income. You know that.”

“And I said it’s fine.”

“It isn’t fine. It hasn’t been fine. And I think we need to do everything in our power to make it fine.”

Suddenly, Jackie was stricken with fear.Is he going to leave me?

Because Josh knew her better than anyone, he sighed into a jolt of laughter. “You don’t need to worry about me, honey. I’m going to love you till long after I’m gone. I’m going to love you till the sun dies. But we need to figure out our future. I want long days of sitting in a hot tub and watching the sunlight on the ocean. I want you to be there, too.”

Jackie hung her head and listened to the pounding of her heart.

When they neared their home, Jackie said, “I’m going to take a drive.”

“I can keep driving,” Josh suggested. “Let me help you talk through this.”

But Jackie needed a few hours alone. She needed to go to the Sutton Estate. She needed to face her ghosts.

Rather than drive for hours and hours, Jackie drove immediately to the big mansion she’d been raised in, strode up the walkway, and unlocked the door. Because she and her siblings paid for a cleaner to come twice a month, the place was spick-and-span and museum-like (not unlike it had been when Dana Sutton was still alive). A part of Jackie wanted to call out, “Mom? Dad?” But she swallowed that part down. She removed her shoes and padded through the house as memories flooded her. She could remember her own childhood alongside Ryan’s and Robin’s childhoods. She could picture Ryan taking some of his first steps in the living room. She could picture Robin opening her Christmas presents and laughing.

Jackie checked the cupboards for snacks or coffee and eventually procured a tea bag. She sat with a mug of tea and put her head in her hands.

It all felt like too much.

But more than that—what was really bothering her today—was what she’d seen on her caller ID when she’d woken up this morning.

Someone had called her last night. By then, she’d been upstairs, winding down, washing her face, and stretching. By then, she’d been unraveling the devastations of her life and trying to find clarity.

Ryan had reached out.

She knew it was Ryan because it was a Chicago number. After that, she’d traced the number to a social media account with Ryan’s name on it.

Ryan needed her after so many years.

Why hadn’t she told Josh about it? Why hadn’t she called Ryan back immediately? Panic, she supposed. More than that, Jackie was afraid that Ryan was having second thoughts. Maybe he no longer wanted to talk to her. Perhaps he’d decided that their mother-son relationship was as dead as a doornail.

Then again, maybe he still wanted her to call back. Perhaps he was panicking because she hadn’t yet. Maybe he was alone in a hospital, and she was the only one he wanted by his side. Maybe. Maybe.

Suddenly, Jackie had her phone to her ear, and it was ringing.

It was only eleven thirty in the morning on a workday. He was probably at work. He probably wouldn’t answer.

But then he did.

“Mom?” Ryan’s voice rang out, and it was the most beautiful thing Jackie had heard in years.

Tears sprang to her eyes. “Ryan?”

“Mom,” Ryan repeated as though he couldn’t believe it.

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