Page 28 of Against the Current

There was a long pause. Jackie was on her feet. “Josh?”

“Okay, he’s telling me it’s okay to tell you. I ran into Ryan at the store.”

Jackie’s heart was pounding. She had to sit back down. “You’re with him?”

“We’re at a bar watching the snow fall and enjoying a beer,” Josh explained. “We’re catching up, aren’t we, Ryan?”

Jackie could hear Ryan’s voice somewhere in the din of the bar. Her eyes smarted.

Oh. My son. He’s here. He’s actually here.

“He’s looking forward to seeing you tomorrow,” Josh said.

Jackie’s voice was meek. “Could I come to the bar?” Please. Please.

She’d never wanted anything more in her life.

“Let me ask.” Josh covered the mouthpiece with his hand and asked Ryan a seemingly simple question. Could his mother come see him in a public place? It was ridiculous.

Jackie couldn’t breathe.

“Ryan’s halfway through a glass of beer and eager to have you over after that,” Josh said into the phone. Jackie could hear the smile in his voice. “You want to meet us at the grand old Sutton Estate in a half hour or so?”

Jackie’s voice wavered. “Will the kids be awake?”

“It’s not too late for that,” Josh assured her.

“Okay. Okay.” Jackie felt rushed. “I love you.” She hung up the phone without waiting to hear back.

She was in a panic. Rushing upstairs, she threw things out of the closet, looking for the perfect outfit. A pair of jeans and a sweater? Could it really be so simple? She added a touch of lipstick and removed it immediately after, feeling foolish. The mirror echoed back a woman fourteen years older than the one Ryan and Trisha had left behind. She wasn’t so much younger than Dana Sutton had been on Ryan and Trisha’s wedding day.But I’m different! I’ve changed!Jackie wanted to tell them.

She couldn’t say it immediately. She couldn’t scare them away.

As Jackie drove to the Sutton Estate, she reckoned with the fact that Ryan had probably not asked Trisha’s permission to have his parents over tonight. Trisha probably wanted a day with just her family, and Ryan had half a beer with his dad and gotten soft. Jackie checked in the rearview to make sure the cookies she’d baked were back there, along with the bottles of wine she’d picked up from the wine bar up the road. She was well-stocked and ready to be a grandmother and mother-in-law and friend.

The Sutton Estate glowed orange against the snowy black night. Just as it always had.Everything will return to how it was, Jackie thought although that was ridiculous. As she neared the driveway, she noted that Josh’s vehicle was there alongside two other cars. It meant they were waiting for her.

But the snowfall had intensified in the half hour since Josh’s call. Jackie was too distracted to account for it. But when Jackie turned the steering wheel to enter the driveway, just as she had thousands of times before, the snow sent her on a wild skid. Suddenly, the nose of her car crunched the mailbox. She was nose first in the ditch!

Jackie’s ears rang. But the drop had been slow and steady. She was uninjured. Just embarrassed. Was this really how she would re-enter the lives of Ryan, Trisha, and the kids? She pulled the gear into reverse and pressed the gas, but all that did was spin her wheels through the snow and send slush flying. Shoot. She was stuck. Jackie cut the engine and put her face in her hands. She should have honored Ryan and Trisha’s wishes. She should have stayed home till tomorrow.

Jackie sat in the darkness for a long time and contemplated what to do. Chill crept under the layers of her coat and sweater. She considered turning the heat back on.

But suddenly, the front door burst open and cast the house’s warm orange light across the snow on the front porch. After that, three bundled-up children came out into the snow, kicking their feet up. Their laughter rang out. Jackie’s heart seized.

Two boys and a girl. Gavin, Rudy, and Willa.

Tears filled her eyes. My grandkids.

Now, Jackie couldn’t stop herself. She shoved the door open with all her strength and stepped into the snow. When the children spotted the car and the woman crawling out of it, they ran over to her, laughing and asking questions.

“What happened?” the older boy, Gavin, asked.

“Was there an accident?” Rudy asked.

“Are you bleeding?” Willa asked.

They stood in a line and peered up at her. Jackie took in each of their beautiful faces and felt her heart fill with wonder. According to Ryan, Willa had been diagnosed with a difficult form of autism that made it challenging for her to have a normal life. But here in the snow, Willa looked just like every other little girl, eager to play. She dropped down to fill her mittens with snow and said, “I want to make a snowman!”

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