Page 14 of Maid in America

“Maybe I’ll call, and sometime you’ll let me take you out on a proper date.”

“We’ll see.” She rose on her toes and kissed him softly on the lips. “G’night, Barrett.”

“Night, Aphrodite.”

He lingered at the open door, even after she was out of sight, before finally closing it.

4

The cluster of congregantsshuffled their way out of the early service of theNew Hope Church. Churchgoers mobbed the exit slowly, eager to get to mid-morning brunches. The mass of clustered bodies made Barrett feel claustrophobic.

His grandmother clung to his arm, walking molasses-slow up the aisle as they funneled toward Pastor Erikson and his wife, Maggie, who stood at the exit shaking everyone’s hands in the name of fellowship.

“Stella,” crooned a fragile voice from a row in the middle of the church.

Barrett rolled his eyes at the sound of Susan’s voice. Susan Glenecky was an annoying gossip Barrett had the misfortune of knowing most of his life due to her miraculously befriending his saint of a grandmother. Even though every sermon was only an hour long, it was nearly two hours before Barrett couldtake Gam-Gam home with all the catching up Susan usually had to do. As soon as the motor-mouth had caught sight of his grandmother, it was game over.

Susan hobbled over to Stella and gave her a hug. As they embraced, Barrett wondered if either of them ever remembered a time when a telephone didn’t exist. They certainly seemed old enough. Susan looked like if you touched her, she would crumble like cheap plaster.

“My gosh, son,” Susan grabbed Barrett’s forearm and squeezed, “You look more like your father every day.”

“Thanks, Mrs. Glenecky. You look extra…purpletoday, by the way.” Barrett gestured to her gaudy outfit, trying to make it sound like a compliment. The woman looked like a shriveled eggplant.

“Thank you!” Susan attempted a brittle curtsy and showcased her top row of dentures in a smile akin to a Chihuahua’s growl. “You look dashing as well. I love the tie.”

Barrett readjusted the Windsor knot of his necktie, one a hideous brown, dotted with repeating donuts and sprinkles. “Thanks. Gam-Gam bought it for me.”

“I figured as much. You look like you haven’t eaten a donut since you were a little boy. Oh, gosh, what adorably chubby cheeks you used to have!” She reached out to pinch his cheek, and Barrett artfully dodged. The old coot’s age-spotted hands had a grip like a vice.

The crowd further congealed as everyone jammed into the main aisle. People huffed as they tried to exit, having already forgotten about the patience preached about in the sermon.

Barrett held Stella’s hand, and Susan chattered about the week’s goings-on. Barrett escorted them toward the pastor with an arm around each to corral them. He could see the snow-dusted lawn up ahead through the open doors. They were in the home stretch.

“Are you listening to me, Barrett?” Susan asked, clutching his wrist hard as an icy breeze blasted in and ruffled through her short blue-gray ringlets.

Mentally, Barrett had been miles away, reminiscing about the rainbow-haired vixen on her knees, draped over his bedspread, begging him to fuck her just a few short hours before.

“Hmmm?”

“I said I have a girl I want you to meet,” Susan exclaimed as if it were headline news.

“Oh, God.” He groaned. “Susan, we agreed. No more blind dates. I refuse.”

“I know, I know, but she just got back from college. Plus, she’s the pastor’s daughter, so you know she’s not a trollop.”

Stella elbowed Susan in the side.

“Ow! What?!”

“Watch your language. We are in a church!”

“Lord almighty, Stella, it’s not like I said ‘hussy,’” Susan growled, rubbing her side.

Barrett tried to wrangle them past the pastor. Susan snatched the pastor’s wife by the arm and pulled her in for a kiss on the cheek with her bizarre old woman strength. “Maggie! Good to see you! You remember Barrett.”

Maggie stretched out an arm, white gown with tulip sleeves swaying as she reached for his hand. Her deceptively youthful eyes were bright, face framed with gentle curls of sandy-blonde hair.

Damn, he thought.If she were a decade younger and unattached…

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