Page 1 of Wait For It

Prologue

Ariana, age 9

“Burdens are for shoulders strong enough to carry them.”

-Margaret Mitchell,Gone with the Wind

The screen doorslammed shut behind me with a reverberating bang, but I kept running. I couldn’t take another second inside that house.

It had been my turn to sit and read to Mama.

Usually, she stared blankly at the wall with a thin line of drool running down her cheek. Every now and then, her eyes would seemingly dance around the room, focusing on my face for a brief second before bouncing off to something else. Grandmother once told me that they were just filled with the joy of God’s love, but Mama never seemed happy when her eyes were like that.

She would cry out and speak to people who weren’t there. It used to frighten me until I discovered she was sick.

I wasn’t supposed to have heard, but I was really good at hiding and just as quiet as a little church mouse. Most of the time, people didn’t even realize I was in the room.

Papa had told Mama she was sick with sin and begged her to repent, but she’d just laid there, moaning loudly. I wasn’t sure how the sin had gotten to her when she never left her bed, but if Papa saw it in her, then it must have been true.

Once he left, she’d cried until the pillowcase beneath her head was soaked with tears before calling out for me and my sisters. Her voice was soft like mine, though, so no one ever came.

The July air was thick with humidity, and without even a hint of a breeze to cool things down, it was like running straight into an oven. My gray linen dress clung to my skin, and each inhale felt like I was trying to breathe underwater.

I ran until I reached the hedges lining the perimeter of our small gated community before dropping to my knees with a wince. Sharp leaves and twigs scraped along the exposed skin on my arms and legs, compressing the old and new bruises lining my sides. Still, I took a deep breath and pushed forward until I was completely hidden from view.

It was the only place I knew I wouldn’t be found. At times, the house felt like a living, breathing thing peering over my shoulder. Like it was studying my every move in anticipation.

Out here, it was silent.

A sanctuary.

And right now, I wanted to stay hidden forever.

Mama hadn’t stayed quiet today.

I hadn’t even gotten through the first chapter before she reached out and grabbed my arm, knocking the book to the hardwood floor. Her grip had been surprisingly firm as she’d yanked me off the chair and into the bed beside her. The sheets were damp with sweat and stunk of sick. Mama’s room always smelled different than the others in the house.

She tucked my back to her chest and wrapped her heated body around mine. While I lay stiffly in her arms, I tried to recall whether she’d ever held me before.

Perhaps when I was a baby, but if so, those memories had faded long ago. As far as I could remember, she’d always been like this.

Sick.

“Ari, my little dove,” she’d whispered, her breath warm against my ear. “I’ve been so naïve…about all of it.”

I’d tilted my head up and watched as she licked her chapped lips, surprised to find that her eyes were bright and focused for the first time in ages. “M-m-mama?”

“Shhhh… I’ve got you now. You’re safe.” The soft cadence of her voice had a mesmerizing effect, lulling my body into a relaxed state.

I’d settled against her with a sigh, feeling her mouth curve up into what might have been a smile against my cheek. That was what had made her next words all the more shocking.

I hadn’t been prepared for them.

“He’s going to kill me,” she’d stated simply. “I’m getting in the way of his dreams. I think… I think that maybe I’ve always been in the way because I know the truth. There’s nothing beyond the wall that doesn’t exist here.”

I’d sucked in a breath but hadn’t said a word. My heart had thumped steadily while my curiosity wrestled with Papa’s teachings.

“And I love him… maybe that’s my biggest sin,” Mama had said, her voice remaining steady and calm. “I’ll always love him, Ari. He was so charismatic—I thought we were gonna change the world together.”

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