Page 108 of Wait For It

She pulled back, gazing up at me with a weary smile. “Okay.”

We left the clubhouse, passing through the dugout before reaching the field. I’d wanted the dome open so we could see the stars, but with what I was about to do, it almost seemed right to shut the world out.

The park was completely silent. With the rafters overhead and the lights blazing down on us, it almost felt like we were entering a cathedral. Even the wall of windows set back behind left field let in just enough city light to resemble stained glass.

This time, when Ari slowed, I stepped back and tried seeing it through her eyes. I thought back to the twenty-year-old kid who felt like he’d been handed the world, wondering when I’d started taking it for granted.

When had it become just another day at the office?

“What was it you wanted to show me?” Ari asked, coming back to stand at my side. She hadn’t gone starry-eyed over the architecture or wandered off to explore on her own. It was like she understood what this space meant to me and was giving it the quiet reverence it deserved.

There was something sacred within these chalk lines. I wrapped an arm around Ari’s shoulders and led her over to stand on first base, clearing my throat against the sudden tightness. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes—most of them tied to this field in some way.”

Ari nodded and pressed her lips together like maybe she was fighting back her own emotions.

“I’m not a saint—far from it actually. The decisions I made off-field hurt a lot of people. While it’d be easy to sweep it all under the rug, you deserve to know the truth.”

Confessing my sins had never been part of my plan, and revealing it all now seemed incredibly stupid, but she deserved to hear it from me and not a tabloid.

“You can tell me,” Ari said softly, placing her hands over mine to steady them.

I took a deep breath. “I slept with a couple of my teammate’s wives—not intentionally—but it doesn’t change the fact that it happened. The last one was over a year ago, which is why I haven’t been with anyone since—”

Her lips parted in surprise, but I kept going, needing to purge the memories from my system. “You said I don’t trust people, but it’s me, Ari—I’m the one I don’t trust. My injury happened because I made the wrong call—”

“Killian.” Tears shimmered in her eyes. “You made a mistake, but it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.”

I shook my head as she repeated the same advice I’d given her after the Helen debacle. “You don’t understand. I’ve let the fear of getting hurt hold me back. If I didn’t excel at it immediately, I walked away. I shut myself off from my dad because I was convinced he’d just let me down again. I thought it was better to live like a monk than to let a woman have any power over my life and career. I even hung onto the damn crutches for longer than they recommended because I was afraid of doing something to damage my knee.”

Ari’s fingers tightened over mine. “My demons aren’t the same, but I know what it’s like to be afraid—and it’s no way to live.”

“Thanks to some people in my life, I’m slowly figuring that out. I brought you here because I wanted you to see me. When the game’s over, and the lights are shut out, I want to know I’m going home to you. If I’ve had a few too many, you’re the one I want driving me. If all this goes away tomorrow, I know I could face it with you in my corner.”

With the exception of a tear that had spilled over onto her lashes, Ari was a tower of strength, refusing to release her hold on me.

My nostrils flared on a forced exhale, and I nodded down at first base. “You’re standing in the exact spot where I thought I lost it all, but it was where I found everything I needed. This was the place that gave me you, Ari. I know I’m not the best, but what I lack in talent, I will make up for in heart. It’s yours—all of it.”

She hiccuped through another sob before mashing her lips together with a jerky nod. I pulled my hand free, using the pad of my thumb to brush away her tears.

“For most of my life, there have been constant reminders that I’ll never measure up. But I’ve learned there is one thing strong enough to drive out that kind of fear and doubt.”

“What’s that?” Her tone was gentle as if she couldn’t fathom what I was going to say next.

“I’m in love with you, Ari,” I admitted softly. “And loving you has silenced everything else, making me think that maybe I could be the man you deserve. You were the first woman who didn’t want something from me—the only one who saw me and not the player—”

“I need—” Ari made a choking sound, and then more tears were streaking down her cheeks. “I need—to tell you something.”

Chapter Twenty-Two

Ariana

“I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.”

-Jane Austen,Pride and Prejudice

“I’m leavingTrue Northin two days,” I blurted on a sob, revealing what I’d only learned yesterday. I was being discharged on Monday. In two days, I’d be back in my cage, no closer to answers than the day I’d arrived.

“What?” His smile faded. “You’re leaving?”

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