Page 110 of Wait For It

Killian tilted his head to the side and cracked his neck, seemingly avoiding making direct eye contact with me. “Well, we finally put our egos aside long enough to talk. Figure we’ve still a long way to go, but we’re both willing to work on it.”

“Maybe I could do the same with your father.” He cleared his throat and lifted his shoulder in a shrug. “Sit down with him one-on-one, let him get to know me.”

I swallowed; my mouth suddenly dry. It would have been perfect had my father been anyone other than Tristan James. As it was, Killian could have been a saint. It wouldn’t have mattered. The money had already changed hands.

“What do you think?” His expression was earnest as it searched my face, and I had to look away. It hurt too much.

“Yeah, that could work,” I lied, forcing a smile. Inside, though, I was already grieving the loss of Killian. There was no scenario where either of us got what we wanted. With that, a dark cloud settled over me, tainting what should have been the happiest day of my life.

The elevator announced our arrival with a cheerfulding, but a storm was brewing in my head. Killian reached out to hold the doors open, and I shook myself from my thoughts long enough to follow him.

“Hey,” he murmured against my temple, draping an arm around my shoulders. “We’ll get through this. You’re not going to lose me, okay?”

My eyes welled up, but I set my jaw, blinking until my vision cleared.

A gray-haired security guard approached with a small wave. “You two kids all finished?”

Killian responded with an enthusiastic nod. “I think she saw it all, Pete. Hey, how’s Nat doing?”

“Oh, much better, Mr. Reed,” he responded as he unlocked the door. “They’re saying she’ll be back to a hundred percent soon.”

“Glad to hear it.” Killian turned his attention to me. “His daughter, Natalie, plays college softball up in Nebraska. During one of their practices, she fractured her non-pitching wrist sliding into home.”

“Oh, that’s terrible. I’m sorry.”

Pete playfully elbowed him. “Don’t let this guy fool you. He tracked down a trainer from one of the minor league teams up there—paid for the whole thing himself too—”

“Alright, Pete.” Killian clapped him on the shoulder with a strained smile. “You have really gotta stop drinking on the job, man. You’re talking complete nonsense.”

“What?” The guard shrugged. “I know a good one when I see one, kid.”

I did too, which was probably why it felt like there was a vice around my chest. Killian was the man I’d dreamt about since I was a little girl—the standard against which I’d measured everyone else.

The media cared about the uniform, completely unaware of the good and kind heart beating underneath. And I would never deserve him.

“Excuse me,” I said flatly, no longer recognizing the sound of my own voice. The glass was cold beneath my palms as I pushed the door open and ran toward the parking lot.

The wind caught my hair, tossing it against my face with stinging slaps, but I just pulled Tsega’s jacket tighter around my body and kept going.

I never should have stopped running.

I never should have let myself believe I could be happy. I’d never been anything more than an escaped convict on borrowed time. A prisoner who lacked the courage to fight back. I may have regained my voice, but it was just as small as ever.

Lightning forked through the clouds, closely followed by a booming clap of thunder that seemed to shake the ground.

“Ari!” Killian roared over the impending storm. “Ari—wait!”

I lifted my arms in surrender as I turned to face him, giving myself up. “I’m not the woman you think I am! You were supposed to be a means to escape! Morgan, she had it all planned out—you were my path to freedom!”

He tensed at my words, before taking a step back, eyes blazing with a fierce intensity I’d never seen before.

I shoved the hair out of my eyes and exhaled a bitter laugh. “But I realized during Restaurant Night that I couldn’t do it. It’s not who I am. I should have told you a long time ago, but I was scared—terrified, actually. I’m not a brave person—I’m just not built for it!”

Another bolt of lightning streaked across the sky, and I glanced up. If it was all going to come crashing down on my head, I’d go to my grave with this, “I think you’re wonderful, Killian and tonight—” I gestured toward the stadium. “It was so perfect. No one’s ever done anything like this or made me feel even a fraction of what I do when I’m with you.”

My eyes filled as I ran the pad of my thumb over my wrist, drawing strength from his bracelet. I took a deep breath and prepared my heart to let him go… again. “But you deserve someone brave and honest—”

When his gaze flickered to mine, my breath caught. The walls had gone up. Only, this time, I was the outsider. I felt the pain I’d caused him under the weight of his glacial stare, as though a stake was being driven into my chest.

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