Page 62 of Through the Water

But I don’t know where you want to go.

“Oh, everywhere, dear,” she answered readily. “I want to see the northern lights from a glass igloo in Finland… feast on Danish pastries on the island of Aero in Denmark… discuss the principles of Buddhism at a monastery in Thailand. I am not going to miss a single thing this world has to offer.”

I imagined my mouth was hanging open in shock. Everything Georgia had just described sounded too good to be true.

“What about you? What is it you want to see?” She tapped the magazine. “Go on, take a look.”

After flipping through several pages, I finally settled on a picturesque village surrounded by mountains and water.

This.

She looked it over. “Ah, The Lofoten Islands in Norway. Can you imagine—staying in a little cottage near the water and eating fresh fish for dinner every night?”

Georgia added something to her notebook with a dreamy expression, as if she could clearly envision herself doing just that. Meanwhile, I couldn’t see myself anywhere but inside the church, and that frustrated me.

I swallowed and cleared my throat to get her attention.

Last night you said that Helen focused too much on the rules.

“I also said she was quite a piece of work, but it’s true. She’s hung up on the way things used to be done, while people your age live in an age of instant gratification.”

Which way is right?

Georgia patted my knee. “No one can decide that but you, Ariana. I imagine you could drive yourself mad, trying to compare the two. The best thing to do is just to be yourself and let the rest sort itself out.”

My pen dug into the paper.

That’s just it. You saw me last night. I think it’s pretty clear that being myself doesn’t work. He’s a baseball player, and I’m—

A hostage of my faith.

A nobody. As much as I want to be myself, it’s not that simple. I’m not good enough as-is.”

Georgia nodded to herself. “You think that just because he’s famous that he wouldn’t look twice at a girl like you. See, that tells me we have quite a bit of work to do.”

I blew out a frustrated breath.

Makeup? Hair? I tried it already.

Her eyes flashed with amusement. “No, no. Nothing silly like that. Last night wasn’t you—that was Helen. Now, it seems to me that you’ve gotten comfortable being what everyone else wants. But if you knew who you were, my dear, you’d see that it’s young Killian who should be questioning if he’s good enough for you.”

I let the notion sink in before shaking my head, unable to imagine Killian second-guessing himself on anything, especially not where I was concerned.

He’s avoiding me.

“And?” Georgia waved a hand dismissively. “Find out why.”

My vision blurred. I already knew why.

He doesn’t want anything to do with me.

Her eyes squinted as she read the words before chuckling to herself. “You’re just willing to give up then? Throw in the towel now that you know who he really is?”

Yes.

No. As much as I wanted Killian to mean something for me, I had to consider the ramifications of pursuing my feelings. I would be giving up any chance of hiding, any chance of never being found.

And yet, I still wanted him.

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