Page 45 of Through the Water

9

Ariana

“If I could but know his heart, everything would become easy.”

?Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility

“Okay. Go.” Natalie clicked her stopwatch.

I carefully raised my right foot and tapped the toe of my shoe against the blue rectangular block before switching to the other leg. It was another balance exercise meant to be done as quickly as possible, but my thoughts were elsewhere.

It was all Killian’s fault, really. If he hadn’t shown up at my door a little over a week ago, then Morgan’s ludicrous escape plan never would’ve seen the light of day.

Killian is the key.

She’d sprung it on me while I was still trying to come to terms with the genuine possibility Tristan was a murderer. Maybe I’d also allowed myself a few minutes to relive Killian’s heartfelt apology and the feel of his intense blue eyes moving over my face, but the majority of my time had been spent unpacking Morgan’s allegations.

Ashlynn’s death had always been shrouded in mystery. One morning she was there, and the next, she wasn’t. Tristan told us she’d been killed while crossing a busy street. He’d refused to give any other details before barricading himself in his office. When he’d finally emerged days later, it was only to call off the small memorial service Aubrey had been planning. Then, it was like she’d never even existed.

I’d chalked it up to grief at the time, but maybe it had never been anything more than guilt.

Unfortunately, Morgan’s latest scheme prevented me from giving the matter my full attention. It seemed my salvation was no longer sewn into a teddy bear but resting with the man across the hall.

She expected me to seduce Killian—never mind that I had no voice or even the slightest clue how to flirt with a man. I also couldn’t look at him without my face turning crimson—how in the heck was I supposed to trick him into sleeping with me?

As usual, my thoughts and feelings on the matter weren’t taken into consideration.

While I’d never bought into the church’s views on love and sex, I wasn’t necessarily keen on the idea of throwing myself at someone just because he happened to be the closest available man under sixty.

Killian had a way of leaving me disoriented and abnormally short of breath when he entered a room, which was clearly my body’s way of rejecting the idea. I’d always pictured myself ending up with a man who didn’t make me feel anything.

Okay, that wasn’t necessarily true.

In my mind, I imagined being with someone who didn’t make me feel as though I was suffering from an unidentified medical condition. A man who was gentle and funny.

Morgan had been quick to point out that I’d smiled at Killian, but there were times I managed to find Tristan amusing. It didn’t mean I wanted to spend the rest of my life living under the same roof, though.

I didn’t even particularly care about love, having seen too much to believe in fairy tale endings. I just didn’t want to be afraid of a man I was supposed to trust. And Killian, with his sometimes prickly exterior, didn’t instill a lot of confidence as a partner.

Not that it mattered as I hadn’t interacted with him in over a week, although I’d seen him almost daily. For example, right now, he was icing his knee over on one of the therapy tables—not that I was looking for him, per se.

I noticed things and people. They just never seemed to notice me back.

He raked his fingers through his dark hair while looking down at his phone, and I inhaled a sharp breath, catching my shin on the edge of the block.

Natalie stopped the watch and high-fived my palm. “You seem pleased with yourself, as you should be. That was really good. This time, though, let’s try to move just a little faster.”

I was doing it again, gazing at Killian and grinning. Getting lost in my head had always been a favorite pastime of mine. The Killian part was a relatively new addition, though.

He lifted his eyes to meet mine, and my heart gave an unsteady thump of approval, urging me to reconsider my stance on seduction.

Patients and therapists moved seamlessly around me, in and out of the gym, like the rushing waters of a river. There was constant motion as people fought to regain their independence, but the world came to a standstill when the corners of Killian’s mouth turned up in a grin.

It was complete madness, but I didn’t want to stay close to shore, not when he looked at me like that. I wanted to abandon my moral obligations and swim into the current, letting it drag me into deeper waters.

A hand landed on my shoulder from behind, and I whirled around, losing my balance and breaking the spell. Natalie righted me; her brows knitted in concern. “Whoa—I didn’t mean to startle you. You okay?”

When I nodded, she began explaining what we were going to be working on next, but I couldn’t hear her over the rush of blood in my ears. I tucked a couple of loose strands of hair behind my ear and snuck another discreet glance over to Killian.

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