Page 67 of Protector

“What?”

“Nothing.” The sound of my high-pitched voice caused me to snort, and I slapped a palm over my mouth and doubled over.

“Celia,” Jamie said calmly. “The fuck are you laughin’ at?”

“It’s—I just—” I gasped for air and tried to compose myself before slumping over again with a wide grin.

His hands moved up under my armpits, and I rolled onto my back, fighting to escape the tickling. “I’ll stop,” I begged. “I will!”

He propped himself up onto his forearms and looked down at me with narrowed eyes. “You were expectin’ somethin’ fancy, right? You’re disappointed?”

I trailed my fingers through his short hair and looked up at the heavy clouds rolling in. “Do I look disappointed?”

“Why’d you laugh?”

I realized then that it wasn’t anger, but worry, in his eyes. It was apparent he’d gone to a lot of trouble to set the entire day up; even recruiting Angel and Wolverine to help. He’d mistaken my amusement for condescension.

“Hey,” I squeezed his jaw. “I wasn’t laughing at you. It’s just that I haven’t gotten emotional in years and seeing this—” I gestured around us. “I just can’t believe you did all of it for me.”

He rocked back onto his heels. “You haven’t cried?”

“Not since they…” I realized what I was about to say and smoothed my dress out before sitting up. “It’s just been a while.”

“Why?” His stare seemed to move through the sugarcoated facade I presented and into my soul. The sandwiches and chips lay forgotten in between us as I took in his question.

“Why were you out here?” I snapped, bracing myself for the blow-up. “All this time? You could’ve been chasing—you should’ve stopped this!”

Jamie ran his tongue over his teeth and nodded. “I could’ve, but I had to get clean and sober first.”

My mouth fell open. “You… you relapsed?”

Had I known that?

He’d been drunk the night he’d surprised me on the patio, but had I known then what it meant? So much of the early years after the attack were shrouded in a fog, details becoming nothing more than blurs.

“I was in a bad place. Drugs… booze… whatever I could do to make it not hurt, I did. Mikey got into some trouble, along with some other shit, and I couldn’t fuckin’ take it. If it hadn’t been for Slim…” His nostrils flared as his voice trailed off.

I crawled over and climbed onto his lap. “What did Slim do? Is Mikey okay? Jesus, are you okay?”

His arms came up around me, and my heart raced in my chest as he recounted the events leading up to his decision to get sober. My chest ached at the realization that, because of my actions, I’d almost lost him for good.

The very thing I’d feared had come to pass, all because I pushed him away. I’d put the gun in his hand by being too proud to admit the truth about that night.

“I moved out of the clubhouse and stayed out here with Slim as I detoxed, which was a fuckin’ nightmare. Threw up everything but my toenails and all I wanted to do was sleep, but couldn’t, so I stayed awake, roaming the house like a fuckin’ zombie.”

Without thinking, I dropped my head and pressed my lips to the corner of his mouth. He stiffened and lowered me back to the picnic blanket before moving away.

It was as if there was some part of him that knew it was all my fault.

The first drop of rain landed on my arm, quickly followed by another and Jamie sprang into action, tossing the food back into the cooler and tugging the picnic blanket over our heads as we raced up the back steps and into the house.

Air conditioning blasted my drenched skin, sending goosebumps across my arms. The inside of his house wasn’t what I expected. I’d imagined it looking like a bachelor pad, with folding chairs and card tables, but he had actual furniture.

Several black and white pictures hung on the wall behind the couch, and I moved closer to study them. A woman with blonde hair that trailed down to her waist stood in front of the house I now lived in, with a baby propped up on her hip. “Is this—”

“My ma.” He watched intently, waiting for me to say something else.

“She was gorgeous, Jamie. And look at how little you were…” Images of the child we’d lost entered my mind, and I clenched my jaw before turning back to the photographs.

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