Page 39 of Protector

My heart raced as the phone rang, leaving me feeling like a kid calling his crush. It wasn’t too far from the truth. She’d always held a power over me that I couldn’t explain.

“Hello?” A girl’s voice breathlessly whispered.

“Katydid?” How did she sound like a grown woman? She was only eleven for Christ’s sake.

“Who is this?” she asked sternly, and I pictured her as a toddler, face scrunched up in annoyance.

I swallowed down the lump in my throat. “When’d you get so big, Katy girl?”

She’d never be a baby again. I’d wasted all that time running away, thinking that things would just go back to the way they’d been before when I eventually made it home again.

Life didn’t work like that, though.

There’d be no tea parties for Spiderman or demands for one more story. I’d never get back the time with them that I’d lost. I rubbed at the back of my neck, realizing I’d fucked it all away for a patch.

“Daddy?” Her voice went soft.

I sniffed. “Is your mama there?”

There was a brief scuffle as Kate begged, “No! Give it back! It’s my daddy! That’s my daddy!”

“Kate?” The phone dug into my ear as I strained to hear my daughter’s voice.

“Why are you calling here?” Richard demanded over Kate’s screams before lowering his voice. “Sweetheart, this isn’t your daddy. It’s a wrong number—”

“Wait! Don’t hang up. I just need to talk to Celia. Need to hear her voice… please.”

He went quiet for so long that I became convinced he’d hung up, only to pull the phone away to see that we were still connected.

“Richard,” I croaked. “Please.”

There was a heavy sigh before he wrecked what was left of my heart. “Celia isn’t here, Jamie. She met someone, and he’s good for her. She and the girls are happy; why can’t you just accept it and move on?”

I wanted to beg him for a way to reach her, to talk her out of it, but Slim was right—she deserved a good life. And if I couldn’t be the one to give it to her, I could at least go out knowing she was happy again.

“Just—just tell her I’m sorry… for all of it.”

Everything inside of me screamed for release as I tossed my phone into the flowing river and retrieved the gun from my hip. I shoved the barrel up underneath my chin and took a deep breath.

“You’re doin’ it wrong,” Slim calmly stated before coming to stand beside me. “You’ll blow your jaw off, but not much else. Best way to do it would be to stick it in your mouth with the barrel angled up.”

I lowered it and turned to him. “You came here to give me tips? Ain’t gonna make any attempt to stop me?”

He lit up a cigarette with a shrug before offering me one. “Figured you’d made your mind up already. No sense talking you out of what you think is best.”

I clenched my jaw and shoved the gun back into the holster. “Why the fuck are you even here? Thought you were headed back to Beaumont.”

“Call it a hunch or a sixth sense, but I made it as far as Fort Stockton before turnin’ around. Angel called me as I pulled up to the clubhouse, claimin’ you were gonna end it. When he mentioned hearing water, I knew where you were. Don’t mean I don’t think you’re a goddamn pussy though.”

The muscles jumped under my skin as I lit up the cigarette. “I’m a pussy? You got any idea the shit I’ve been dealin’ with? Not everybody gets a fairy tale like you, dickwad.”

“Fairy tale?” Slim laughed. “You really believe that’s what I got? You’ve got no fuckin’ clue—”

I smirked. “Yeah, name one of your problems. Didn’t make the church bake sale? David missed curfew?”

He lowered himself down next to me and watched the river before admitting, “I stopped counting Lou’s miscarriages after the seventh one.”

“Jesus,” I breathed. “I had no idea—”

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