Page 6 of Deserter

I stopped myself from apologizing again. Mr. Rogers on television was always saying we should share our feelings, but my old man had told me that was bullshit. Hopefully, Wolverine didn’t see it that way.

He stubbed out his cigarette and grinned. “You do, huh? Don’t you go telling anyone outside this room how nice I am. It’s our little secret, okay?”

I had a secret with the president of a biker club.

I realized as he walked me back outside that I’d forgotten all about my mother while I was with him. I had to be more careful next time.

The car was quiet as we drove back home, with my old man drunkenly slumped over with his head against the window in the passenger seat. Ma looked like she had when we arrived; only her cheeks were a little pinker, and she kept smiling to herself like she had a secret too.

Chapter Two

Jamie: 1974

“Jamie? Wake up, baby. We need to go.”

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. It was still dark outside. “Ma, what’s wrong?”

She let out a soft groan as she helped me out of bed. “We have to go right now. Okay, baby? Get your shoes. Hurry.”

I found my tennis shoes and slipped them on before following her out the back door of our small bungalow. “Ma? Where are we going?”

She hadn’t been herself since the phone rang yesterday afternoon. I knew that it was an important call when she took the avocado green handset and disappeared from the kitchen, leaving a trail of curly phone cord that ran to the coat closet in her wake.

Ma unlocked the passenger door of the wagon and helped me in. “I’ll tell you once we’re on the road, okay?” Her voice sounded like it did when she was trying not to cry, and I knew that this was his fault.

It was always his fault.

Angel said that people were about as happy as they made their minds up to be. If that was true, then my old man must’ve made up his mind early on to be a miserable human.

Not long after the gathering, Silent Phoenix said he could wear the patches on his vest like the other guys. He’d worn it around the house, bragging about how Wolverine had seen his true potential.

I knew what had gotten him that three-piece patch, and it wasn’t his potential. Ma had earned it for him; Wolverine had said as much that night in his office.

Ma had offered her congratulations before giving him a hug. He’d shrugged her off and stated that he was going to pick up his bike—a 1964 Harley Davidson Sportster that Phantom, one of his new brothers, had been restoring in his body shop.

It was all he’d talked about since the day he found out about Silent Phoenix. The old Hummer that had sat covered in the garage while he was gone was no good anymore.

He’d started with trying to convince her why he needed it before disappearing one day and returning home that evening with it. When she got upset, he’d slapped her around until she apologized and agreed that it was a good purchase. I’d stared at her for a long time after, wondering how she did it.

My ma was a beautiful woman. When my old man was in Vietnam, she was constantly turning down offers of dates from men at the supermarket and women were always coming up to her after mass to compliment her long blonde hair or the clothes that she’d sewn herself.

Ma could’ve thrown a stone and hit a good man, but she stayed with my old man. I didn’t understand it. Wolverine didn’t treat his Ol’ Lady that way, and neither did a lot of the other bikers; just another thing that Donald Quinn hadn’t agreed with.

I’d asked Wolverine once at a gathering why he didn’t smack Lucy around and he’d told me that she’d never given him any reason to.“You treat your woman right and she’ll stay loyal. I know Lucy would take a bullet for me if it came to it.”

My old man disagreed and had announced to me one night while he was drunk that Ol’ Ladies were unnecessary.“A club whore can take care of a man’s needs without all the bullshit. Your ma would do well to remember that.”

I’d told Angel about it when he came by a few nights later. My old man had been sent on a run. The thought of him running anywhere seemed strange, but bikers had a different set of rules. I thought with Angel being a brother that he would agree with what I’d been told. Instead, he’d gotten really quiet and his jaw looked funny.

It was exhausting, trying to keep up with what was right and what was wrong. I’d gone from having no men in my life to having too many, and they all had an opinion about something.

The wagon jerked, and I opened my eyes to see Ma gripping the steering wheel tightly with both hands.

“Are you alright?” I asked softly, and she nodded.

“Yes, Jamie. A wild hog just ran across the road. Go back to sleep.”

I watched as the headlights illuminated the countryside until my eyelids grew heavy. I awoke with a jerk outside of a small motel.

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