Page 125 of Deserter

She shook her head. “It’s nothing. Never mind.”

I let my shoulders drop in defeat before squatting down next to her. “I’m sorry, Katydid. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

“It’s okay, Mama. I just was wondering if we could get more cereal—if you have enough money.” Her eyes dropped back down to the oatmeal-colored tiles.

We didn’t, but I wasn’t about to tell her that. She worried about money enough as it was.

Despite doing everything I could to convince him to stay, Jamie had been gone for just over three months. I’d just been stupid enough to assume that I’d gotten through to him.

Maybe that was exactly what he’d wanted me to believe.

“We have enough. Pick one out for you and one out for Kota-Bear, okay?”

Her eyes lit up and I realized I would’ve bought out the entire aisle of cereal just to see her smile. All she’d done was worry since the night he left us.

When the cops showed up on our doorstep to tell me that he was dead, I’d collapsed in shock. I never imagined that he’d go through with it—that he’d be okay with abandoning his family.

To make matters worse, I hadn’t been alone. I’d been forced to watch as Kate fell apart on the floor beside me, her entire body wracked with sobs as she struggled to get a breath.

That was the moment I began to wish that he really was dead.

The club moved on—Lucy, Wolverine, Molly, Bear—the people I’d considered family disappeared overnight. If it weren’t for Hawk watching my every move and the fact that Kate really liked her school, I would’ve considered packing them up and driving somewhere he’d never find us.

As it was, I stayed.

And I waited for the day when he decided to show up again. I had so much I wanted to say; so many ways in which I wanted to hurt him like he’d hurt us.

“Mama?” Dakota questioned from her perch in the basket.

“What, baby girl?”

She pointed toward a man with blond hair at the end of the aisle. “Dat Daddy? Daddy come home?”

How was I supposed to explain to a two-and-a-half-year-old that her daddy had decided to fake his death to avoid being arrested and charged with any number of things?

I ground my molars together and shook my head. “No, baby girl. That’s not Daddy. Daddy went to be with Jesus, remember?”

“We go to Jesus’s house?” she asked innocently.

I was about to reiterate why that wasn’t possible when I was interrupted by a sharp, shrieking cry. I turned in horror to find Kate down on her knees, clutching at her chest. “I can’t breathe, Mama!”

Everything around me faded away as I sat down in the middle of the cereal aisle in my dress and pulled her into my arms. “I’ve got you, Katydid. Deep breaths, baby. In and out.”

“Is everything okay?” an older woman asked, slowing her cart in front of us.

I nodded. “She’s okay. She just... we just…” My voice broke and I blinked against the sting of tears. “Her father just passed.”

“Daddy go Jesus’s house,” Dakota proudly stated.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. Can I help?”

Kate continued struggling through each labored breath and I continued rocking her as I answered, “I think we’ll be okay.”

The woman paused as if considering something before leaning down. “Hey, I know you don’t know me from the man in the moon, but I’m a psychologist.” She fished a business card out of her purse and handed it to me. “Dr. Linda Nelson.”

I shook her hand. “Celia Quinn. This is my daughter, Kate, and that one up there is Dakota.”

“Mama, Katy go, ‘Aghhhhhhhhh!’” she mimicked with a wide grin. I winced at the sound and shook my head to silence her.

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