Page 74 of Deserter

He blinked against the spray of water and I fumbled behind me until it shut off. My knees throbbed and I was fairly certain that my feet had lost circulation, but I stayed, kneeling between his legs.

“Celia, did you just say fuck or am I hallucinating?”

“That’s what you’re choosing to focus on—not the fact that I’m here?”

“Why?” A shadow of regret passed across his face.

Five months of pent-up emotions came pouring out of me and I tightened my hold on his vest. “I came for you. You keep shutting me out and I had to know—I had to know if you still wanted me.”

“Still want you? I can’t do a goddamn thing without you—”

A sob bubbled up, unleashing a fresh torrent of tears. I released him and pressed the heel of my hand against my breastbone, struggling to speak through the pain. “Then, why? Why won’t you stay with me, Jamie?”

He covered my hand with his and closed his eyes again. “I thought that if I kept you away from here, things would be better, but I keep fuckin’ up. You deserve so much better and I don’t want to hurt you again.”

What could I say?

He had hurt me that night in some messed up version of good biker/bad biker.

“You think you’d hurt me again?” When his eyes remained closed, I asked a second time. “Jamie, do you want to hurt me?”

“I’ve wanted to touch you… to fuck you since I found out you were knocked up. But, I’m a monster and I—” His voice cut off and he mashed his lips together. “I was convinced that you and Ryan were fucking around, and I couldn’t control it. I wanted to hurt you that night for hurting me, but I took it too far. I’m so afraid of fucking up again. So, I’ve stayed away.”

I pulled my hand from his and shakily got to my feet. He pinched the bridge of his nose and looked down at the tile. “Celia.”

“Come here.” I helped him up, the momentum sending me stumbling back. Jamie tugged me forward and my belly pressed against his body.

Instead of pushing me away like before, his hands covered my bump and his eyes flashed with a question. I nodded. “You can touch me.”

He spread his fingers like he was holding on to a basketball and let his thumbs skim along my sensitive flesh. I moaned at the contact and rested my forehead against his chest.

“I’m hurting you.”

I shook my head and looked up at him, suddenly feeling shy. “It’s just been a long time since I’ve been touched and… and I really missed you.”

“Fuckin’ missed you, Celia,” he buried his face in my hair and inhaled, before bringing his lips down on my neck.

Chapter Sixteen

Grey: 1989

Ikept my lips on her throat, not trusting myself to say anything else. I’d spent my evening being lectured on what a fuck up I was, as if I hadn’t already known. But, after the Betsy situation, I hadn’t wanted Celia anywhere near the club.

With the exception of Lucy, most of those women were toxic and rough. They’d been born into this world and loved nothing more than sinking their claws into anyone that they felt didn’t belong.

Not only that, but Celia brought out a side of me I hadn’t even known was there. Ryan was completely harmless, but that hadn’t stopped me from wanting to bash his face against the curb for even looking in her direction—there was no way in hell I could’ve brought her around my men.

Keeping her and the club separate was my own fucked up atonement for what I did to her that night. I’d been so blinded by rage that I’d treated her like an enemy; punished her for breaking rules she hadn’t even known existed.

I thought that maybe if I left her alone, she stood a chance at having a semi-normal life.

If I wasn’t harder than a fucking rock every time I saw her, I might’ve succeeded in staying away. I’d seen Betsy pregnant and it did shit for me, but Celia seemed to have a death-grip on my cock.

In the beginning, she was sick all the damn time and I had no fucking idea how to help. Lucy stepped in and took over, encouraging me to just worry about the club.

I hadn’t wanted to stay away, but I had no idea how to straddle the line between Jamie and Grey when it came to her.

Once Celia’s body began to change, staying at the house was out of the question. I couldn’t fucking sleep in the same bed without imagining all the ways in which I wanted to fuck her. I walked in on her in the bath once and damn near nutted in my pants at the sight of her swelling tits and belly.

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