Page 63 of Deserter

In the small exam room, I’d had a lot of time to think and come to terms with raising a child by myself. It wasn’t ideal and I knew that my parents wouldn’t be there to support me, but I’d accepted my fate.

Jamie had given me hope, only to snatch it away hours later.

“Hey, I know he’s hard to figure out, but he does care for you.”

“Who is Jamie?” Molly asked again, this time from the hallway.

I swiped a thumb under each eye and replied, “Grey. Look, Lucy, I know you’re trying to help, but I’m not sure I can do this.”

I briefly wondered how much my mother would gloat when I came crawling back only hours after leaving.

A truck pulled up and she reached for my hand, pulling me out to the backyard. “That’ll be the boys, here with some furniture. Let’s talk out here. Sit.”

She directed me into a worn lawn chair, before pulling up another for herself. Molly was momentarily distracted by the bikers, giving us a moment of privacy.

“Jamie didn’t have the best childhood, Celia. I don’t know how much he’s told you.”

I shook my head. “He hasn’t told me anything.”

She nodded. “I figured as much. Well, his daddy joined back when Wolverine ran things. Sure, we had a few guys who were a little rough with their families, but nothing like Donald. He seemed to take pleasure in tormenting Mary and Jamie. Mary took the brunt of it, until…” Lucy pursed her lips and looked away.

“What happened? Please, if you want me to understand him, you have to tell me.” I needed to know that I wasn’t the reason for his sudden absence.

She swallowed. “Donald beat her pretty badly and Jamie witnessed it. He had to stay with us while she recovered and Wolverine warned Donald that the next time he laid a hand on his Ol’ Lady, he’d send him to the Reaper. We didn’t know—not until later, anyway, that Donald had taken Wolverine’s advice to heart.”

I placed a hand on her arm. “But, that’s good, right?”

“No, Celia. You’re not hearing me. Jamie took his mama’s place.”

I sat in stunned silence.How was I supposed to get him to open up to me?Up until I met him, I’d never encountered violence. My parents were overbearing and constantly bickering, but my father had never raised a hand against either me or Mama.

Lucy continued. “Jamie’s life has never been easy and it’s hard for him to trust people. Wolverine took him under his wing, but he’s never shown that he could care about anyone… until you.”

On cue, the tears began again and this time, I let them stream down my cheeks. “That’s where you’re wrong, Lucy. He doesn’t. I thought he did, but I don’t think he’s capable of it.”

“He needs time, Celia. You’re not only his Ol’ Lady now, you’re his partner—”

I threw my hands up in frustration. “I don’t even know what an old lady does, Lucy! So, we get married and then what? I gave up college and—and a normal life for him!”

Lucy’s mouth flattened into a straight line. “First of all, him claiming you as his Ol’ Lady doesn’t mean he’s gonna marry you and, secondly, if you hold on to this attitude that you’re better than the other women or that you settled for this life, you won’t have any friends.”

I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “So, I’m like his whore?” I brought my head down to rest against my knees as waves of dizziness washed over me. “He could just wake up one morning and decide he doesn’t want me anymore?”

“Celia, I became Wolverine’s Ol’ Lady in the sixties, while women were marching for equal rights. People don’t understand how we could accept being a man’s property. They don’t see that my Ol’ Man never ran that club on his own. I shouldered the burden and quietly guided him when needed. No one knows the power we wield.”

It was clear that I had no idea what I was doing when I agreed to be his. I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of being the property of anyone. My father had always said that because he made the money, he made the rules. Mama had happily agreed, spending her days dining at the country club or taking trips with her girlfriends. The complete lack of oversight was what led to me being taken by bikers in the first place.

Daddy was a law-abiding citizen.

Mostly.

Jamie made his own laws.

I was so afraid of turning out like my mother that I never saw the noose until it was wrapped around my throat.

Lucy got up. “I’m gonna see if they need any help. Just think about what I said. And, Celia?” She paused near the back door. “Jamie’s never had anyone good stick around. Part of what makes him a great leader is that he’s always waiting for things to fall apart.”

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