Page 55 of Deserter

“You can go now. I’m feeling better.”

His gaze darkened. “You’re in my office, Celia. Look, I don’t apologize—”

“You don’t need to start now. You made it clear that we were nothing and now it’s over. You don’t need to dissect our non-relationship on my account.”

I wanted to take the lie back as soon as it left my lips. I would’ve endured an entire post-mortem if it meant closure. That wasn’t how life worked though. As Christine fromFleetwood Macsang on theLittle Liestrack, ‘No more broken hearts, we’re better off apart. Let’s give it a try.’

“Celia—” he began just as Lucy came in with a plate of food.

“Here we are. Barbecue with all the fixins’. Grey, Wolverine needs a word.”

His eyes pleaded with mine, but I shook my head. “I’m fine. I’ll eat and it’ll be like it never happened.”

It’ll be like we never happened.

As soon as the food was gone, so was I.

And this time, there would be no coming back.

I’d been awarded a scholarship to attend the University of Chicago. In just a few short months, I’d be in a different state, studying philosophy and moving on with my life.

As soon as he left, Lucy closed the door and asked, “What’s going on?”

I shrugged and began tearing a piece of brisket apart with my hands. “Nothing. I fainted, and he carried me here.”

“You haven’t had any other problems? Headaches? Lightheadedness?”

“What are you—a nurse?” She nodded, and I laughed around a mouthful of meat. The bikers probably called on her services all the time. “Lucy, I’m fine. I’ve had a few headaches, but I’ve been under a lot of stress with graduation.”

She lowered her voice. “When was your last period?”

The food seemed to lodge in my throat as I admitted, “I’m a few days late, but with school and… other things, it’s not surprising.”

“I thought as much, but there’s only one way to know for sure whether it’s just stress or—”

“Wait,” I interrupted. “Just wait a second. I’m not—I can’t be. I just graduated high school.”

Lucy sat down beside me and took my hand in hers. “Hey, look at me. You’re going to be just fine. I snagged a pregnancy test when I grabbed your food—”

“Oh my god! The guys keep those things lying around?”

Her nose wrinkled with disgust. “The club whores keep all sorts of things around here.” At my horrified expression, she amended, “Trust me, it’s clean and you’ll feel better once you know for sure. Just use the office bathroom. I’ll wait right here for you.”

I followed the instructions, feeling like I was back in chemistry class, before rejoining her on the couch. “I guess now we wait.”

There was a knock at the door and Betsy poked her head in. “It’s just me. How are you doing?”

I picked up the plate of food again, even though my appetite had fled about the time that we began discussing pregnancy. I gripped it in my hands, silently willing them to stop trembling. I couldn’t be pregnant; especially not when the man involved wanted nothing to do with me.

“What’s wrong?”

I shook my head. “N-nothing.” My voice cracked, and I bit down on my lower lip.

“Celia might be knocked up,” Lucy helpfully added, before checking her watch. “It’s been fifteen minutes.”

I set the plate aside and the three of us crowded into the small bathroom, staring down at the test tube holding my urine.

“What does blue mean again?” I asked faintly, with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

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