Page 127 of Deserter

And then re-counted.

Sixty dollars.

That wasn’t right. I should’ve had close to three hundred. No matter how many times I counted the cash, it was nowhere near that amount.

“Kate,” I tried to keep my voice calm. “Were you or Dakota playing with my purse?”

She shook her head. “No, Mama. Is something wrong? Do we not have enough money for food?”

Her wide eyes filled with fear and I pasted a fake smile onto my face as I began earnestly searching the side pockets of my purse. “No, baby. Everything is great.”

I looked over the items on the conveyer belt, trying to decide what we could live without. I’d only gotten the essentials; with the exception of the cereals I’d let Kate pick out and the ingredients I needed for her birthday cake. I wasn’t willing to put those things back.

Not after everything she’d been through.

“Is there a problem?” the cashier asked. “Do you need to take some things off?”

“No,” a voice called from behind. “She’s just dropped her cash.” Linda held up two twenties with a smile. “Here you are, dear. I think these fell out of your purse.

She and I both knew that wasn’t the case, but her tone left no room for argument.

“Thank you,” I said, my eyes stinging with unshed tears.

She squeezed my hand as she placed the bills against my palm. “You are so welcome. You have my number; please call me.”

I nodded and handed the money over to the cashier, doing everything possible to avoid Kate’s penetrative stare. She was like her father, with eyes that seemed to see right through the lies and into my every thought.

It was unnerving.

But not as much as the realization that I’d lost several hundred dollars in cash. I drove toward the house, retracing my steps over the last week.

Jamie hadn’t wanted our money in a bank, for obvious reasons, and had stored it in a small wooden box under the bed. I’d pulled three hundred out and put it in my wallet. I was sure of it.

“I picked Kate up on Thursday and then went to fill up the car…”

Maybe I’d dropped the cash there.

“Mama, are you talking to yourself?”

My eyes met Kate’s in the rearview mirror, and I injected as much enthusiasm as I could muster as I answered, “Yes, trying to make sure I’ve got everything to make you the best birthday cake ever!”

I took the next exit and pulled up in front of the gas station. If I’d dropped the money here, it was long gone, but at least I’d get confirmation that I wasn’t losing my mind.

I looked back to see that Dakota had popped her pacifier in and was doing the slow blink that meant she was on the verge of falling asleep.

“Kate, I’m just going to run in here for a second, okay?” She nodded and I locked the door behind me before jogging inside.

The clerk looked at me as if I’d sprouted another head as I explained my situation to him. “So, you think you lost a couple hundred bucks four days ago and you’re wondering if someone turned it in?”

“Not quite. Do you have surveillance cameras? Maybe I could just look them over—”

“Lady, these cameras reset every twenty-four hours. Even if someone did pick it up, there’d be no way for me to verify that it’s yours.”

I mashed my lips together and nodded before grabbing three dollars from my purse. “Could,” I sniffed as the first tear slid down my cheek. “Could I get a pack of the Camel Straights, please?”

When I climbed back into the car, Dakota was fast asleep. Kate looked up from where she’d been tracing her name on the window to ask, “Mama, why do you have Daddy’s cigarettes?”

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