Page 40 of Through The Woods

Chapter Eleven

I clicked the mouse, enlarging the image on the screen in front of me before taking another bite from the chocolate chip cookie on my lap. I recalled that sugar worked very similarly to blow inside the brain and had decided to work on becoming a Type 2 diabetic by Christmas. On a positive note, it was definitely helping me to put weight on faster. My sweatpants were growing snugger by the day.

Doc had come through for me with not only a laptop, but a wireless printer too. I realized during the card game that the men didn’t know sign language. The journal had mentioned that she was going to teach them, but maybe she’d never gotten around to it or it hadn’t stuck. Regardless, I wanted to fix that—everyone deserved to be heard. These signs were pretty basic, but it was a start.

My motorcycle ride with Charm never happened because, just as we were about to leave, Gunner came outside. He told Charm that they had ‘club business’ to discuss and the two disappeared. I thought things would get better between us, but, if anything, they’d gotten worse. While I’d been disappointed that Charm never came back out to take me for a ride, I didn’t think much more of it with all the work I had to complete.

My crush was just going to have to wait until the chores were completed. Unfortunately, the pull of the journal was too strong and I found myself yet again in Charm’s room; crouched beside his bed, poring over his words.

Vic enlisted in the Army and leaves in a few days for basic. Billy and Rocky gave him shit for not joining the Marines like them, but I’m proud of him. He’s getting out of this hell-hole. The club threw the obligatory farewell party with booze and club whores, but I didn’t feel much like celebrating. He caught me outside and asked if I thought it was strange that the only way out of the club is through battle.

I’d never considered it before, but he’s right. We were born into this and it was always assumed that we’d take after our old men and slip on the kuttes at eighteen. I don’t want this to be my life and I sure as hell don’t want this life for her.

Things have grown even more strained between us since Bobby left last year. She seemed to be better for a little while, but then he got deployed over to Afghanistan and she fell apart. I’d hoped that his absence would bring us closer, but she’s changed. Luck says it’s because she’s a woman and women are notoriously flighty with their emotions.

I can’t help but think that there’s more to it than that.

Mac came back to visit his ma and offered me a job as a mechanic in his shop down in Denver. The club allowed him to leave under the terms that he help them transport whenever needed. It was a good arrangement for him—he got his freedom and the club financed his shop. Well, that and his drinking habit.

I took her out on my bike and we headed to the river where I tried and failed to convince her to leave Kasselhessen behind.

“It’s the only home I’ve ever known! What if he comes back for me and I’m not here?”

I’d gotten furious with her and said things that I wish I could take back. Told her that Bobby was some silly crush that she’d forget all about soon enough.

She’d laughed and said, “Everyone knows that if a crush lasts longer than four months, it’s love. I love him—and I know this hurts you, but I can’t turn it off to make you happy.”

I can’t leave without her and if she’s refusing to go—well, I’ll be stuck in Kasselhessen until the day I die.

I’d left the journal in his nightstand, but could still clearly see the sloped letters of his words as I lay in bed that night. My dreams had been nothing short of a disjointed nightmare. In it, Charm had navigated the winding roads easily, leaning one way and then the other as we rounded the curves. It was exhilarating. The wind whipped across us, tossing my long hair up around the helmet as I’d kept my arms wrapped tightly around his waist.

My thighs had clenched around him with every curve we took, the bike vibrating beneath us. I remembered that even in my dream, he smelled like leather and smoke.

He’d taken me down to the riverside and asked me to run away with him. Unlike her, I’d immediately agreed. It would’ve been okay had that been the extent of it, but just as he leaned in to kiss me, Clint broke through the trees and Charm pulled away.

“You love him?”

I told him I didn’t, but he hadn’t listened. He just got up and stalked away, leaving me with the man who wanted me dead. The whole thing made me question my feelings. I’d woken early to watch the sun rise and when he didn’t show, I felt let down.

My heart had started pounding when he walked into the kitchen at dinner time that next night. Lust, an emotion I hadn’t experienced in quite a while, reared its head. Suddenly, he was all I thought about. I tried to tell myself that my brain was just reprocessing the day’s events and that it meant nothing, yet the feelings persisted.

If that wasn’t a clear indicator of just how messed up in the head I was, then I didn’t know what was. I was attracted to a man who had, at the least, shown indifference toward me.

At most, he’d—well, he’d bought me books based on what I told him I liked. I consoled myself with the knowledge that if the mysterious she was right; the feelings would fade over the next four months. This was nothing but a silly crush.

In the meantime, here I was, nothing but sweaty palms and a racing heart anytime he showed up. It didn’t help that he now had me doing the laundry as well. Knowing what he was wearing underneath those jeans wasn’t helping my situation. I had to stick to the plan of making him my friend, while keeping my adolescent feelings under lock and key.

I clicked a button on another illustration and the printer immediately fired up. It had taken a little over a week for Doc to get me everything I needed and another week to find the illustrations I wanted to use. I couldn’t wait to see the look on Joker’s face when he saw them.

While I was online I’d done a quick search of my name, but unsurprisingly, nothing turned up. No missing person’s reports had been filed because I never went any place enough for anyone to notice my absence.

I put the papers into a small stack and carried them downstairs. After some digging and a little cursing, I found a roll of scotch tape in one of the kitchen drawers.

I took my time and had just finished hanging the last one when the back door opened.

“Darlin’, did we miss arts and crafts time?” Rooster squeezed my shoulder as he looked around the lodge.

I grinned. “Do you like it? Now everyone can learn what Joker’s signing.”

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