Page 62 of Through The Woods

Emboldened by the smile on his face, I said, “Left? Don’t you mean ran away?”

Charm’s smile faded. “It wasn’t like that. I had—”

“Oh, I know. ‘Club business.’ What does she win, Johnny? Neve, you’re the proud owner of a new car!”

I was on a roll. I didn’t know whether it was the pot or just my pent-up emotions over what we’d shared at the cliffs that day.

He sank down onto the chair in front of mine. “Are you high right now?”

I focused on his right ear as I answered. “No. Are you?”

He stiffened, even as he leaned forward. “Why are you so mad? You made your feelings known and I’ve stayed away. End of discussion.”

I sputtered, “End of discussion? You kiss me out of the blue and it’s just end of discussion?” I got up and began pacing the length of the porch, frantic energy coursing through my veins.

Charm took the opportunity to stretch his legs across my vacated chair, firing me up even more. He had no right looking like he was about to fall asleep, while I was over here still waiting for answers. “What do you want, Neve? You were there and I took a chance. Ain’t nothin’ to talk about, Sweetheart. It didn’t mean shit.”

I took a step backward, as if his words had physically slapped me across the face, instead of just emotionally. “So, if it meant nothing, did you tell your girl?”

He scratched at his beard and frowned. “My girl? What the hell are you talking about?”

My eyes stung with unshed tears, but I wasn’t doing that. I wasn’t going to fall apart over something that had obviously been nothing more than an opportunity that presented itself. I tried to phrase the words in a way that in no way implied that I’d been reading his journal. “I saw the picture in your room, of you and a woman. I couldn’t destroy a relationship. You seemed so happy and I don’t wanna be the person who messes that up.”

That’s what I did, wasn’t it? Destroy things that were once good?

So, maybe I’d made him smile a handful of times. Rae had probably done the very same thing hundreds more. It was naïve of me to think that what we had between us had been special. Hell, he’d just come right out and told me that it hadn’t meant a damn thing.

Charm leaned back in the chair, his arms crossed over his chest, giving nothing away. “So, your only reason for pushing me away is because of the picture you saw? And if you hadn’t seen it, then what?”

Well, I read the journal too…so, I’m pretty sure that I couldn’t live with being your sloppy seconds when I’ve read about how fiercely you loved Rae.

Obviously, that was something I could never vocalize.

I sighed. “Well, I probably would’ve done the same thing. If I let my personal feelings cloud my judgment, then what happens when things fall apart? I really like it here—these men have become like brothers to me. I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize that.”

“You think I’d throw you out if it didn’t work out between us? I wouldn’t do that to you, honey. You’ve proven yourself to be a part of this club.”

Honey.

He’d said it before, when I had the nightmare, and then again when we went cliff jumping. It was such a small word, yet it stirred up big feelings inside of me. Feelings that I could never act on. When he called me ‘sweetheart’ it was different. He’d always said it condescendingly.

I hurriedly rushed out, “This is all hypothetical—it’s not like it matters.”

But, it had mattered.

Every second spent with him left me wanting more. I mashed my lips together in an effort not to cry.

Charm watched me carefully. “Neve, maybe you should go upstairs—try to get some sleep. Things will be better in the morning.”

I nodded and he stood up. Just before I made it to the door, he intercepted me. “I—” He stood there frozen, his massive hands gripping my shoulders to the point of pain.

I didn’t mean to, but the hint of cigar smoke that clung to him hit my nose, igniting memories that left me unsteady. I leaned in and inhaled and then his hands were on my face, backing me up toward the side of the lodge.

I’d never wanted to be someone without a conscience, until now. I wanted all of the pleasure and none of the guilt.

Charm’s mouth hovered inches above mine, so close that his hair tickled along my cheek. All I had to do was stretch up onto my toes. One small movement and we’d be connected.

His exhales were ragged, but warm against my face. I tilted my chin up even more, begging him to make a move, while my mind waged a war with morality.

“Goodnight, Neve,” he whispered, and the spell was broken. He held the door open for me on my way inside, but refused to make eye contact again before disappearing down the hall to his study.

I moved up the stairs faster than ever before and slipped back into bed with a pounding heart and an incredible sense of guilt. I was still in the process of steadying my breathing when I was struck by the full impact of Twitch’s words.

If he was under the assumption that I was Rae reincarnated, then there hadn’t been some last-minute miracle.

Either Twitch’s mind was gone from years of drug use or Rae was dead. Neither was a particularly positive conclusion.

And there was no way that I could stay much longer. Perhaps there wasn’t any place in the world where I’d be immune to the effects of Charm, but I wasn’t willing to compete with a ghost for his affections.

---