He patted my leg. “And you won’t. If it happens, let us take care of it. It happens and we’re not around, then come find us. Nobody is going to fuck with you unless they want to fuck with the entire club. Got it?”
I nodded. “Got it.”
He pulled a handkerchief from the pocket of his pants and began blowing his nose. That’s all the man ever did. I hadn’t seen the handkerchief in with his laundry—probably because he never washed it. I grimaced and turned away.
I knew that there was an attractive man buried under the mound of Kleenex and handkerchiefs that seemed to be permanently attached to his face. What I had seen, in those rare moments that he wasn’t sneezing, was enough to make me do a double take. He was just as tall as some of the other guys and made up of mostly lean muscle. Except for those biceps—holy cow, those arms—he could crack walnuts with them.
He kept his beard neatly trimmed; I knew that from all the hair I found on his bathroom counter every day. PD really did keep himself looking nice, apart from the phlegm.
“Damn allergies. Can’t ever catch a break.”
I suddenly knew who I could help next. We drove through town before turning into the parking lot of a strip mall. There was a small grocery store, flanked on one side by an outdoor apparel shop and a women’s boutique on the other.
He put the truck in park and turned to me. “I figure you can get groceries and a few things for yourself.” He handed me a wad of cash as his cell phone began buzzing in his pocket. “Go on ahead; I’ll catch up with you.”
“Thanks.” I mouthed as he answered the call.
My vision was blurry on my way into the grocery store. It was such a silly thing to get emotional over, but I hadn’t had money for shopping in longer than I could remember.
It seemed every penny Clint made had gone right back up our noses.
I gathered the items I needed fairly quickly and meandered over to the cosmetics and health aisle. Before I was an addict, I was a beauty junkie with quite the collection. Amber had brought me some basics, but I added some mascara, eyeliner, and eyeshadow to my cart before looking longingly at the lipstick.
My kryptonite had always been lipstick.
I finally narrowed my choices down between the colors of Ruby Redbird and Where There’s Smoke, There’s Fire. I stared at them for a few minutes before tossing both in the cart.
Surely Charm wouldn’t notice that on the bill.
Like a jolt of lightning, the craving hit me out of nowhere. With hands tightly gripping the shopping cart handle, my body hunched over in agony. I needed a hit, everything in me demanded it. I was furious with myself—I’d gone almost nine weeks without it. Why was my body betraying me now?
My vision narrowed until all I saw before me were white mountains of blow, just waiting, and my heart thudded in my chest with excitement.
I forced myself to walk over to the allergy medicine, finding what I needed in the homeopathic section. I grabbed the box with shaking hands.
I could do this.
“Hey, lady.”
I dropped it into the cart with a yelp and looked up to see Amber standing a few feet away, a blue hand basket draped on her forearm as if it were a designer purse.
“Hey,” I managed weakly, heart still pounding.
She was over to me in a second. “Are you okay? You’re looking a little pale.”
I shook my head. “I—I need to get out of here, I think.”
She grasped my shoulders in her hands and studied my face. “I know what you need. You don’t have to act like everything’s fine, Neve.”
I looked down and focused on the cough drops lining the bottom shelf—anywhere but her face. “They told you?”
She laughed lightly and leaned down into my line of vision. “Sweetie, they didn’t have to. I’ve been sober for two years now. So, what do you say we check out and get your head right?”
“You all done?”
I jumped again and guiltily turned around. “PD—you scared me!”
He laughed. “Hey, Amber.”