Page 39 of Through The Woods

“Okay.” He held the flashlight as I tore at the cardboard to find Pathophysiology: The Biologic Basis for Disease in Adults and Children and Tales from Both Sides of the Brain: A Life in Neuroscience. My heart suddenly decided that it was participating in the 200m hurdles, leaping around in my chest as it raced toward the finish line.

“This is amazing, Charm. Really. Michael Gazzaniga. His studies on how separating the right and left brain—”

He cut in. “Would create two separate minds within the same head? Yeah, I read that. It actually creates a lot of contradictions within one person.”

My mouth fell open. “How did—you read this?”

The flashlight bobbed up and down as he shrugged. “I read some of it. I take it you’re familiar with his work though.”

I began rambling on about my lifelong love of discovering how things worked, specifically the brain, while he lit up a cigar and blew smoke rings in the early morning light.

“Where are you from originally?”

I swallowed the saliva that had pooled in my mouth. “Um, Santa Cruz, California. I’ve lived in Colorado for the past four years though. What about you? You don’t sound like you’re from around here—”

Charm gave me an exasperated look. “It’s Colorado, Sweetheart. No one sounds like they’re from around here. What was your plan?”

When I gave him a confused look, he elaborated. “For your life—your goal.”

I watched the sky turn all the familiar shades that indicated the sun was about to rise, but I didn’t feel joy like I had the other times. “I would’ve been a doctor. Now, I’m just a nobody.”

“Ain’t no way you’re a nobody. You woke up breathing, I’d say that means you still got purpose. Another day to turn it around.” His voice remained steady, melodic.

My shoulders relaxed as I listened to him. I wanted to lay my head against his chest and feel the vibrations of his voice against my cheek. “Maybe…”

“Everybody gets dealt a shitty hand, Neve.”

I started laughing, and not in an amusing sort of way, but more of a ‘this chick’s off her rocker’ manner. I managed to wheeze out, “You sure about that? Because you seem like someone who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth; always on the right side of the law.”

My laughter continued, even as it moved into tears. I was slap happy—I’d moved beyond exhausted and straight into delirium.

The sun illuminated his face, which was set into a hard line. He began messing with the scruff on his chin. “You know, for someone who’s relying on this club for everything right now, you’ve sure got a smart mouth on you. Sometimes, you get thrust into something you never wanted in the first place.”

I stopped laughing and wiped at my streaming eyes. “Is that what happened to you? You had to take over?”

I hadn’t gotten that far into the journal yet. I was still trying to figure out why he’d stayed and patched in instead of running away the minute he turned eighteen. He could’ve taken her and started a life somewhere.

The mask fell back into place and the real Charm disappeared again. “I’ve got a lot of shit to get done today. You ever been on a motorcycle? I’ll have Gunner take you out today; get you used to it.”

Make friends with him.

I touched his arm lightly. “Why don’t you take me?”

He stood up and moved away from me. “You should go with Gunner. He’s better at this sort of thing.”

Instead of agreeing and letting it go, I decided to blurt out, “But I want you.”

You ever say something and instantly wish for a net to reel all the words back in?

Yeah, that was me in that moment. Charm’s eyes widened and I started backpedaling. “I just meant—if you had time—I can go with Gunn—”

He cut me off with a loud sigh. “Fine—get some clothes on and meet me out here in ten.”

I was in a lot of trouble. I wanted to blame it on Stockholm Syndrome, but the men had made it clear that I was free to go from day one.

I wasn’t delusional—I knew that this was an unrequited crush and nothing that I said or did would change that for him.

His heart was with her…wherever or whoever she was. Jealously reared its ugly head again over a woman with no name. I was falling for the president of a biker gang. One who arguably had just done the nicest thing imaginable for me.

I’d been warned about drugs my entire life, for all the good it did me, but never once had I been told to look out for one with a beating heart and whiskey colored eyes.

---