Page 75 of Renegade

Her emotions mirrored mine. There was a certain weariness that I’d been carrying when I was around David. Like I didn’t deserve to be happy if he wasn’t.

I kissed her neck and blurted out, “Please tell me that won’t be us.”

Shit. I didn’t know where that came from.

She regarded me with a serious expression that slowly turned into a smirk. “Seeing as to how you’re the only man I’ve ever been with, I don’t feel like it’s fair for you to put these limitations on me. I just dipped my toe in the water. I haven’t even had a chance to experience all the world has to offer.”

I pinched her arm and she squeaked in surprise. “Stop. I’m serious.”

Drop it, Mike.

I couldn’t though. There were words hung up in the back of my throat and while I knew that I was nowhere ready to say them, I was trying my best to communicate how much she meant to me.

She was the exception to my every rule, but it wasn't love. I couldn’t recall ever caring about anything but myself.

It was just some long-term lust. I refused to accept anything else.

Had I ever truly loved anything in my life?

I couldn’t remember.

I’d learned early on that nothing good lasted and it left me jaded. I respected my mother, but her constant back and forth with my father made me hate her at times. I’d admired Grey up until a point, but even that had morphed into bitterness. I’d lusted more times than I could count, but those feelings seemed to disappear the minute I sank my dick into them.

There was nothing in my life that I couldn’t part with—except her.

And it concerned me.

She bit down on the corner of her lip and gave me a half smile. “Me too.” I frowned until she gave in. “Fine. I’m kidding. Of course that won’t be us—we have our shit together and we’re not keeping secrets. Their relationship was failing long before they cheated—it happened when they stopped confiding in each other.”

I blamed the weighted feeling in my chest on theMcDonald’sand not on the impact of her words. I couldn’t confide in her—if she knew half the shit I’d done, she’d have me hit with a restraining order before I’d even finished talking. It could potentially put her in a lot of danger too—Grey had been adamant that no one know about our deal.

Regardless of whether or not I’d planned it, she was my girl now. I had to keep her safe.

I pulled her into my arms and held on for dear life—wishing for the one millionth time since meeting her that I was the man she imagined me to be.

Hell, I would’ve even settled for being Jack, a down-on-my-luck surfer. That would’ve at least been more believable.

Lauren

August 2014

Elizabeth eyed me suspiciously. “Lauren, what do you mean David thinks Landon broke into the house? Have you been talking to him behind my back?”

Where had it all gone wrong?

Oh, right. I’d opened my big mouth and ruined the entire evening.

I’d gotten a text from David earlier that simply read,

“Elizabeth’s not doing well right now. Any chance you could check in on her?”

Mike had plans to come over for dinner, but got a call right as he got off, so I’d agreed. It had been that or sitting at home alone. Plus, I’d gotten excited at the prospect of the two of them working everything out. How else would he have known how she was feeling?

I’d even gone to the trouble of picking up some groceries for the baby. I might’ve gone overboard, but the pregnancy blogs said that pregnant women needed at least a thousand milligrams of calcium a day. That seemed like a ridiculous amount of milk to be drinking, so I’d gotten her some yogurt…and cheese…and ice cream.You know, to balance it all out.

While she’d teased me about it, it didn’t escape my notice that she’d immediately gone for the mint chocolate chip ice cream. I’d considered telling her not to eat the entire carton, but then she started talking about David and I forgot. Sucked into the drama, I ended up grabbing a spoon and joining her.

It had all seemed terribly romantic—it was the stuff of Danielle Steele novels. He’d shown up and they’d been arguing when he backed her up against the wall and kissed the hell out of her. If Mike had shown up and done something like that to me, I’d never be able to stay mad at him.

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