Page 50 of Renegade

I pulled into my apartment complex, knowing that the only resolute decision I’d come to tonight was the realization that I was most certainly never going to be a one-night stand girl. I’d also decided, about three blocks ago, that I had been born in the wrong time period.

I changed my mind.

I didn’t want a love like David and Elizabeth’s—theirs was flawed by modern day problems like infidelity and job locations.

I wanted a love like Darcy and Elizabeth inPride & Prejudice. Mr. Darcy would never have asked Elizabeth to ‘screw in the bathroom.’ Granted, their relationship got off to a rocky start, but it grew into something amazing. Maybe that’s what I’d really been holding out for the last few years. A great love that wasn’t attainable in this day and age.

I parked my car and rubbed the remaining tears from my eyes. If that was the case, then I’d have to make my peace with dying a lonely, cat-collecting spinster.

First, I was going to have to go buy some cats.

What I wasn’t going to do was waste one more tear on a man who wouldn’t know great love even if it jumped up and slapped him in the face.

“Hey, Lauren.”

My chin dropped onto my chest and I contemplated climbing back inside my car and speeding off again.

Instead, I stood my ground. “Wow, Monica. I’m starting to think you have a radar that goes off just when things in my life are starting to look up.Ding! Time to fuck up Lauren’s world.Am I close?”

She cautiously took a couple of steps toward me and I realized it was the healthiest I’d ever seen her. She’d put on some weight, but it looked good on her. Her hair had been washed and straightened and while her makeup had gone out of style when the eighties ended, she was at least wearing some. She was also wearing a leather vest for some inexplicable reason.

“I didn’t mean to startle you. I just wanted to see you,” Monica ventured, as she took another step closer, “Have you been crying?”

I gave a half-hearted shrug. “What does it matter? I’m guessing you’re here for the car or what? My wallet? My apartment? What possession of mine are you entitled to have this time around?”

Thanks to Mike, I’d officially run out of fucks to give.

She shook her head. “I’m not here for anything like that. I’ve actually got my own thing going on now.”

I laughed bitterly, “Doing what? Running a motorcycle gang?”

She bit her lip and nodded. “Something like that. I’m an ol’ lady. It’s real classy. See?” She twirled around and there it was on the back of the leather vest:Property of Torch.

I bobbed my head up and down slowly. “I see. So, what does an ‘old lady’ do?”

I didn’t care and I didn’t know why I was humoring her. I wanted to get upstairs to my apartment, kick off my heels, and throw myself face down on the bed.

“I just do whatever needs to be done for my man—I started out as a club whore, which just meant that anyone could use me for sex or—”

I held a hand up. “Okay, I’ve heard enough. I’m just going to head upstairs and get some sleep. If you’re planning on stealing anything, just let me know and I’ll make sure I just leave it out for you.”

She reached out and grabbed my arm and I wrenched it back, knocking her to the ground in the process. “Do not touch me! Don’t you ever touch me!”

“Lauren, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m not here for anything, I swear. I’ve been sober for sixty-three days and I wanted you to know.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a wad of cash. “I also brought you some money to pay you back for the car and for other stuff I took from you.”

There she was, sitting in the parking lot offering me money that she’d probably gotten by performing sexual favors for a biker gang. It was a pathetic sight.

I tightened my hold on my purse strap. “I don’t want your money. I just want to be left alone.”

She moved onto all fours and got herself upright again. “I understand you might need some time to think it over, but you can accept this—free and clear.”

My jaw ached from clenching my teeth and I barked out, “I don’t need some time, Monica. I don’t want anything you’re offering. Not now…not ever. I just want you to leave me the hell alone. Can you do that? Can you just disappear?”

She wiped at her eyes and I realized she was crying. “I’m sorry, Lauren. I’m so sorry for not being the mom you deserved—”

I turned and jogged up the stairs to my apartment in heels. I couldn’t do it—I couldn’t stand there a moment longer, listening to her regrets over parenting.

The entire evening had been filled with wishes that were never going to come true and dreams that had morphed into nightmares.

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