Page 106 of Renegade

All the air was suddenly sucked from the room. It was my mother’s face staring back at me.

“No…” I felt bile rise up in my throat as the blood left my face. I briefly managed to get my hand up over my mouth before I began dry heaving.

Brynn grabbed a trash can and held it out for me.

I wiped the back of my hand across my mouth weakly. “I don’t understand—she was supposed to be in jail.”

She began going over resources and placed a couple of pamphlets in my hands. I stared at them blankly before the rage kicked in. I tore them in half and threw them to the ground before launching the trash can into the beige wall. “Jesus Christ!” I wailed. My legs gave out and I fell into a heap on the carpet.

I swore I could see myself crumpled on the floor as I hovered a few feet above my body. It didn’t matter how much I inhaled, I couldn’t get enough air into my lungs.

I screamed until my throat was raw, while Brynn sat patiently nearby. I wanted to punch her until she reacted—until she felt my pain as deeply as I did.

I forced out through clenched teeth, “Who would do this to her? Who would hurt her like this?”

Brynn shook her head sadly. “She was found with a needle in her arm. The coroner is running a screen on her, but it looks like an overdose at this point.”

“No.” I wasn’t accepting that.

My mother had gotten sober—she wouldn’t have gone back to that. She swore to me.

I’d believed her. I’d built up this wall over the years, knowing there was going to be a day when she went too far and OD’ed, but that was then. I’d seen how good she was sober. She’d worked so hard—gotten her GED. She was supposed to start school in a couple of weeks.

“I need to talk to her,” I moaned. “She hasn’t bought her books yet. She needs to order them or they won’t be here in time for class.”

I was rambling, but everything had become surreal. She wasn’t gone…not when we were just starting to figure things out.

Brynn began talking softly again, but my ears rang, drowning her out.

I continued, “We’re supposed to have dinner and she wanted me to help her find something that looked nice to impress Mike. Do you thinkDillard’swould have something?”

She knelt down and took my hand in hers, her eyes shiny. “Lauren, we’re going to get you some help. Okay?”

I tried inhaling again, but could only manage a shallow breath. “You need to help her. Just tell her that I’m waiting in here. Go get her!”

My sobs turned violent again and I curled up in the fetal position until paramedics arrived.

I never got to tell her that I loved her too.

Four hours and some sedatives later, I lay on my couch, staring at the box on the coffee table.

It was a heartbreaking sight, seeing someone’s entire life condensed into one box.

Monica had been so much more than four walls of cardboard. She’d been a rape survivor. A mother. A GED recipient. A woman who had figured out her purpose in life, only to have it snuffed out at the age of forty-four.

I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to keep warm. The hospital had contacted Josué and Isaac and they’d left to come to me immediately.

My front door burst open and I jumped up in fright. Mike’s eyes were wild as he took me in.

“I just heard,” he exclaimed breathlessly as he crossed the room to me.

Just a few short hours ago, I’d prayed that he’d show up. Now that he was here in front of me, I couldn’t get the image of my mother lying dead on a cold metal slab out of my head. “Y-you did this!” I screamed at him as he reached for me. “You told me to trust you and now she’s dead.”

His face fell and he fumbled with his words. “Lauren, I swear to god, if I would’ve known that this was going to be the outcome…I would’ve stayed on shift and made sure she stayed locked up.”

I barreled toward him with a scream, “You motherfucker! You killed her! I told you and you lied to me! You said to trust you! You lied!” I raked my nails down his face and launched the heel of my hand up into his nose as he tried to latch on to me.

Blood began to run down his face from his wounds, but he kept advancing on me. “Please. Please don’t do this. I can fix it.”

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