Page 78 of Traitor

I inhaled slowly. The entire fucking house of cards was coming down in front of me. I pinched the bridge of my nose and tried to keep my voice calm as I responded, “No, I don’t know, Red. You’ve been it for me from day one and I’m sure as fuck not keeping it a secret.”

“I just wanted to wait until we were in a more concrete spot! I’m not hiding it.”

My fist came down against the counter with a loud bang and she jumped back in fright. “Goddammit, Red! Look around you—we fucking live together. It doesn’t get much more concrete than that. Why are you hiding this?”

“It’s not like that. There just hasn’t been a good opportunity to tell her.”

“You’re telling me that in all the months you’ve lived here, Elizabeth has never once asked to stop by your place or offered to pick you up? Jimmy has known about us from the beginning, yet you kept the fact that you’re seeing him daily from me. Where do the lies end with you?”

She glared at me. “We’re together, until we’re not together. We’re fighting, but then we’re not fighting. There is so much shit that goes along with ‘us.’ You’ll forgive me if I’m not big on sharing that with everyone I know.”

I wanted to grab her by her shoulders and shake her until her teeth cracked together. Maybe it’d knock some goddamn sense into her and she’d realize what she was doing to me.

“When was the last time we fought? If you mean the time you drove to fucking Winters last October because you found out I fucked your boss when we weren’t even together yet, then sure, we fight all the time. Jesus, do you hear your words before you say them?”

We hadn’t had a fight since and, minus the nights I had to help the club, we were like a normal couple.

I thought.

Little did I know that she was off pumping iron and shooting targets with the gentle giant.

“Do I hear my words?Do you hear your words? You come in here, beaten to shit, because you heard that I was cheating on you. Do you come home and ask me? No, you go to Jimmy’s first, because that’s obviously the more rational choice. This right here is why I’ve kept my mouth shut!” Her voice grew louder until she was screaming.

I shook my head, but kept my voice steady. “You’re just waiting on a reason to leave, Darlin’. First it was your mom, then it was Sandra, and now? Fuck, I don’t even know why you’re walking away anymore. I’m willing to fight for you, but I can’t put in all the effort—”

“All the effort?You’re never here! You’re at the station or you’re at the club. When do I get to be first, Mike?”

I should’ve just gone with shaking her.

“You wanna be first, Darlin’? Okay, well as soon as I’m done hustling to keep us on top, I’ll make sure you feel important. I swear to Christ, you don’t work—you’re too busy playing single girl with Jimmy while I bust my ass!”

Her mouth tightened and her face darkened. “You said that you wanted to take care of me! You told me to rely on you!”

I grabbed the ice pack and headed for the front door. “Yeah, well, I’m not sure why I ever agreed to that. I’ve gotta get out of here and clear my head.”

Lauren reached for my arm. “Don’t leave mad—we can talk this out. You’re right, I fucked up. I kept us a secret, but it wasn’t out of some ploy to get Jimmy, I swear. It’s just that I don’t know how to do this! I don’t know how to trust that this is all going to work out—no matter how much I want it to.” Her eyes began to fill and I had to look away. Her anger I could take, but her tears broke apart any resolve I had.

“I can’t look at you right now,” I said softly before closing the door behind me.

I just needed to drive until my head was clear. Then, I’d know what to do. If this was all a part of David’s prediction that I’d find a woman who’d turn my life upside down, then I was going to have to send him a fucking fruit basket to thank him.

I wanted a drink.

I wanted to use.

God, love was a fucking gem.

I’d driven aimlessly for about fifteen minutes when it struck me that she’d never had anyone show her how to trust. Never had anyone show her how to love. When I’d told her that I’d take care of her, hadn’t that come with it?

Sure, she had Josué and Gloria, but they’d come around when she was damn near grown. All of her behaviors were learned; ingrained into her at an early age.

I was her man. It was my job to provide a place where she felt safe, even on nights like tonight when I wanted to strangle the life out of her.

I’d had women…a lot of them, in fact. None of them had ever gotten under my skin the way she had. She was feisty as fuck and wasn’t afraid to stand up to me—that meant something. I just had to find a way to get her to let her guard down and trust me.

I’d given her a house, but maybe there was something I was missing.Had I ever given her a home?Women were big on the hearts and roses bullshit, which didn’t help because my girl hated flowers.

I was going to turn this truck around and head back home. She and I weren’t going to bed until this was worked out. We’d come too far to throw it all away now.

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