Page 62 of Traitor

When Mike and I decided to try and work it out, I’d thought that maybe he would help me, but I was quickly reminded that the man had absolutely no free time. In fact, by week two, I was starting to wonder what had possessed me to agree to another chance.

I never saw him. It was like he just needed to know that I was there, and maybe that was enough for him. I yearned for more though. He only seemed to put in the effort when our relationship was on the line. Otherwise, it was business as usual. Relationships needed to come with mandatory performance appraisals. Without them, we were just collecting pink slips before the termination.

“Lauren? Are you listening?” Jimmy patted my arm, breaking me away from my thoughts.

I nodded. “Sorry, just got a lot on my mind. I’m ready.”

“Distracted shooting is—”

“Deadly shooting,” I finished for him. “I know, but I’m focused and ready now.”

I chose to come during lunch, because the range was less crowded and Mike was always busy.He knew that I went, but I was pretty sure that he was under the assumption that I was alone. It was an assumption I didn’t bother to correct.He hadn’t exactly had the best reaction the night he saw Jimmy at Torch’s house. Never mind the fact that Jimmy had only come by because I’d wanted to thank him for helping me.

He was never going to be Mike’s favorite person, so I hadn’t told him about our lunchtime trysts.

“Okay, holster your gun and let’s get moving. You’re still too slow on the draw. I’ll time you for this so that we can get a baseline.” Jimmy got out his stopwatch and I cleared my mind before taking a deep breath.

I hadn’t told Mike, or even Jimmy, the real reason behind my need to be a sharpshooter. I’d been alone in a small room with Mike’s father and based on what I now knew about him, I never wanted to be in a situation like that again unless I was completely prepared.

We never talked about his family or past after that. I wasn’t sure I would’ve been able to remain conscious for it. The scary thing was that I prided myself on being a good judge of character and never once had I gotten the impression that Jamie was going to hurt me, even when he pulled his gun.

Once I knew who he was, I’d only seen a father who cared about his son and was committed to finding out who took my mother from me.

This was why I needed Jimmy’s help.

I couldn’t even trust myself anymore.

“You’re late...again,” Sandra said from behind me as I put my purse down on my desk. “I tried calling you, but you left your phone here.”

I hadn’t been taking my phone in case Mike got the urge to track it. The last thing I needed was for him to show up and see me with Jimmy. This way, he just thought I was working through lunch. I turned around and gave her an apologetic smile. “I’m so sorry. I had an appointment that ran over—”

“Every day for the past month? I swear, Lauren, your ability to handle your role here has decreased drastically since January,” she began ticking items off on her fingers. “Late payments, missing orders, payroll errors, and the inability to get to work on time. What has gotten into you? I’m supposed to trust you with my practice, but you’re running it into the damn ground!” Her voice remained quiet, even as she hissed the words at me.

I cringed. I had been slacking off and I needed to get my shit together before I ended up unemployed. “Look, Dr. Mulloy, things have been difficult for me...” My voice wavered and she immediately closed the door behind her.

“What’s wrong?” The look in her eyes was so genuine, and I was so sick of keeping it all to myself that I let the words come tumbling out of my mouth.

“My mother died in January and then Mike and I broke up. It’s just been really hard trying to manage it all.” I brushed away a stray tear and she squeezed my hand.

“I lost my mother last year. I know how you feel. I’m still working through it myself.”

I frowned. “Last year? When? I didn’t even know.”

She took her free hand and patted my arm. “Honey, that’s because I never let it affect my work life. I have a practice to run. So, I attended her funeral on a Sunday and flew back late that night to be in clinic Monday morning. We all make sacrifices.”

I hated her a little bit more in that moment.

Minimizing my grief just because she coped differently than I did. It was as if she thought she was better than me because of it. I’d bet anything that they hadn’t found her mom with a needle in her arm on a dirty street either.

I shoved down my feelings of indignation and instead responded with, “Well, with the exception of one Tuesday in May and the Friday I requested off, I’ve shown up every day. I’m handling it the best I can.”

She nodded, as if she were placating a child. “Of course you are, honey. It would just be really helpful if you could handle it and keep the office running smoothly at the same time. Now, what’s the problem with your ex? I thought you’d moved on from him.”

“I don’t know that there’s such a thing as moving on, Doc. He’s it for me.” It felt good, saying it aloud, in spite of the distance I’d felt between us.

Sandra pursed her lips. “Look, I don’t know how to say this. I guess I just think that you should move on—he’s not worth it.”

I protested, “That's not really something that I need advice on—”

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