Page 37 of Traitor

I covered Kaden’s exposed ear again before huffing, “Fine. It’s going about asshitasticas you can imagine.”

Elizabeth’s smile faded and she leaned toward me. “I’m sorry—why won’t you tell me what happened between you two? Maybe I could help; I mean, I’ve kind of seen it all at this point.”

The clock ticked on the wall, punctuating the silence, while I wrestled with what to do. I wanted to explain it to her, if for nothing else than to see if she thought I made the wrong call.

Just as I opened my mouth, I remembered the note spray-painted across my apartment door and being attacked by a biker. There was no way I could put that on her. “Elizabeth, there’s nothing to tell. The bad-boy and the virgin only work out in the movies and romance novels—never in real life.”

She pursed her lips and sighed. “Fine. We’ll leave it at that.”

I could tell she was hurt. “Look, I’m here under false pretenses.” Her brow furrowed and I continued, “I said I was just here to hold the baby, but I’m actually here to hold him and get some advice. When you and David were separated, did you find yourself forgetting things about him? Like maybe you forgot how he looks when he first wakes up…or something kind of like that?”

Elizabeth nodded to herself, while spinning her wedding ring around on her finger. “Some of the details were fuzzy, but with David there was always this clarity. I was almost hyperaware of him once he was gone. Little things reminded me of him—why are you asking? Is it because you’re having a tough time forgetting Mike?”

The last thing I needed was for Elizabeth to tell David that I couldn’t let go of Mike. It’d be back to him before I even made it home. “Not exactly. I—um, I met someone.”

Elizabeth clapped her hands together softly. “I knew it! You have that look—it’s the same one you had with—well, that obviously doesn’t matter, does it? Shut up, Elizabeth. Okay.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at her, even though she’d struck a nerve with her observation. She was right. I was in love. It was just with the wrong man.

I’d tried convincing myself that my feelings were wrong, but it was no use. What I felt for Jimmy was like a candle, flickering and fleeting. My feelings for Mike were like a floodlight, blinding me to anything else in the room.

I couldn’t tell her any of that though, so I fixed a grin on my face and lied my ass off to my best friend. “I really like him and he makes me laugh—”

Elizabeth interjected, “So, what’s the problem?”

I exhaled slowly. “Before Mike, there was no one. So, I never compared him to anything else, but with Jimmy, I feel like I’m critiquing him. Like I’m looking for some sign that he’s wrong.”

Kaden grumbled in his sleep before sucking his bottom lip into his mouth. I stroked his cheek and finally risked glancing up at Elizabeth.

She looked sheepish as she asked, “Have you—you know?” I shook my head and she continued, “Well, god, I shouldn’t tell you this. Okay, I’m going to tell you, but if you ever tell a soul, I’ll deny everything. I just think that maybe you should sleep with this Jimmy guy and see how you feel after. Maybe he can exorcise the ghost of Mike. If you still have doubts, then he’s not the right fit.”

I frowned. “Why does any of that have to be a secret?”

“Because Mike has been my friend for a long time. And I don’t want to ever be known as a backstabber or traitor to my friends. I just think you deserve a chance at happiness and should take the opportunity and see what happens.”

“Okay,” I nodded. “I’ll think about it and I promise to never tell a soul about what was discussed here today. Kaden, you better not rat us out either.” I tickled his chest and his eyes opened briefly before he was out again.

I was capable of having a meaningful relationship with someone other than Mike. I just had to put myself out there more with Jimmy.

Taking down a mole in the police department, while sleeping with someone new at the same time?

I was turning into a real femme-fatale over here. My only hope was that I didn’t lure Jimmy right into the middle of my problems.

Chapter Five

May 2015

“Hey, you got a minute?” I called after Grey as he walked outside. I’d been called down to the canyon for church, something that was happening more and more frequently.

Before, Grey had done an excellent job of keeping me out of his shit. Now, I was making trips to the canyon at least twice a week for club business. That was the problem with being a great speechwriter; suddenly everyone else became lazy as fuck.

I’d avoided patching in this long and I sure as hell wasn’t about to join up now just to fill the role of club cheerleader.

Fuck that.

Grey paused and looked back at me. “What’s on your mind, kid?”

“It’s Lauren. She thinks she might have found a way to smoke out the mole.” I’d outright refused to let her put herself in danger again, and I was hoping Grey might have a better alternative.

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